struck by cupids arrow

[katelin]

My 18yo's life has been on hold now for months. Unrequited love for a girl has rendered him chronically fatigued, deeply depressed and suffering from a mental torture which sounds alarmingly similar to that of the young boy James who heartbreakingly commit suicide. (Although my son hasn't been taking cannabis). I'm worried that he may not be able to bear the emotional pain much longer. The doctor has now referred him to a psychiatrist after counselling didn't help.
I'm finding it hard to believe this illness could happen as a result of unrequited love and wondering if it is more common than doctors are aware. Has anyone any experience of such a condition or even heard of it?

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(Sorry, have no experience but can't bear seeing this unanswered. Hopefully someone will be able to help).

Ive an 18 yr old who has regular bouts of what I call teenage agnst (unrequited love) which renders him incapable of doing anything except sleep he is sensitive and gets depressed regularly sometimes doesnt want to talk about it but I keep the lines of communication open offering advice asking his opinion on all matter of subjects just to get him to talk. Cooking dinner together and sharing a beer helps.
I keep things very low key and dont judge him on the subject matter but just act as a counsellor. I keep a very calm house. All i can advise is first love esp unrequited can make them give up on life, keep him busy, invite his firends round (my house is full of lots of teenage boys and girls) and make sure his social circle is varied. eventually they do find someone to love and who loves them back albeit if only for a short while at this age. Maybe he could try writing a blog to help him express himself (mine did and when I found it online it was a revelation that he could string two words together!!)

Just keep talking to him tell him its normal to feel this way but a health check up wont go amiss to make sure he is physically well we can sometimes miss that part out

Thanks so much for your replies, it helps to hear someone is out there listening. The problem I have is that he only really will talk to me - he won't agree to seeing anyone else like friends and family and so has cut himself off from real life. He sometimes is in so much 'emotional pain' that he can't stand to do anything such as watch TV or listen to music. Even having a shower renders him completely exhausted and he hasn't left the house now for months.

The doctor told me 'I am worrying too much' and that these difficulties often go away when people move on and go off to University etc. and that we should 'sit on it' for a few months. But he didn't really listen to the severity of the symptoms and that he has suffered now for 18months.
When I asked him to be referred to a neurologist, he refused. I do feel that some physiological tests should be done at least to rule out some conditions, but the only test he sent him for a few months ago was a full blood count - which came back normal
I'm beginning to think it may be a kind of psychosis triggered by this difficult life event. I'm not sure though if psychosis can cause such chronic fatigue too.
The psychiatrist's appointment I eventually encouraged the doctor to make may be secveral months from now. In the meantime, we wait.... he suffers... and I continue to try to work.
I feel like I am letting my son down by not being able to get him the help he needs. I'm thinking perhaps we should change doctors in order to get the healthcheck you suggested.

Sorry for butting in again but this is so sad it makes my eyes fill with tears when I read it. My heart goes out to you and your DS.

I was wondering if, perhaps, he has ME and/or chronic fatigue too. I think I would seek a second opinion from another doctor.

yes get another opinion and get a full medical check up done its good that he talks to you just keep talking and try to give him coping strategies he might needs what i call a good kick up the bum (in a nice way) to motivate him, but if he has got ME or similar it wont help, is he at college? work? plans for the future? does he excersie? that can help with so many problems both mental and physical i find even walking (the dog?) with spring here (maybe he has SAD?) there are so many opportunities to get him out and about in the daylight, he sounds like a sensitive chap who might get something from poetry or music at 18 it is so hard to try and help them, what about politics? voluntary work might help make him feel less sorry for himself, has he got a way of expressing himself by writing? he must have an interest that you can help him build upon, my son is up and down in his depression and sometimes I just want to weep for him so I know what you are going through, you may have to help kick start his social life, host a party for him and friends, he will get as many invites in return (its worth the mess believe me) and this leads to more sociallising and more GIRLS to meet is he planning on uni? he needs to be mentally strong for that

what about this unrequited love? has he told her, spoken to her? or has she blown him out completely? or is he just being male and watching from a distance with doe eyes?

I fully expect another round of deep dark depression when my sons friends all go off to university in sept and he is left behind or when his current girlfriend of 3 months dumps him and i doubt if my own coping strategy will be of any use

thanks for all your suggestions tokenwoman, and for your empathy too BelledameSansmarie ( please don't be too sad though) Yes, I think it must be a form of ME perhaps - incredibly- triggered by emotional trauma of lovesickness. You just wouldn't have thought it possible with my son , he was so well balanced, healthy and happy with his life.
His main interests were related to sport - now he can't manage any exercise at all but some days is able to watch sport on TV for a short time. I'm hoping that there will come a time when he can begin introducing exercise in very small steps again. You mentioned politics; he has begun to show an interest in watching Question Time and ten O'clock live etc. and discussing with me some of the issues. It's encouraging that he hasn't totally lost all interest in life.
He was doing his A2 year at college but the illness just got the better of him and he is unable to complete the year. He did have University offers for September but won't make the grades now.The college say he can redo modules next year if he recovers by Sepetember.
I have also begun the process to change doctors - I must persevere to have him fully tested.
As regards the girl - she wasn't interested. She let him down gently; perhaps it would have been easier if she hadn't been so kind!

Lets hope our sons grow out of/cope with their depression as they mature further. Apparently the frontal lobes continue developing up to the age of 20.

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katelin hows its going? any progress? sun is out and will be for the next few days
mine is tired and feeling unsocialable at the moment mild depression looming exams coming up, lots course work to complete and end of college life in june/july when he will join the job market
hows yours feeling and more importantly how are you?