dd is 12 and she is raging!!

[linconlass]

Help! have read other threads re dd at 14 being moody etc and my 12 yo dd is similar ..didnt expect it yet!! feel as if have lost her! moody ,speaking with an attitude,,angry,answering back,horrid to sibling.
She has not got periods but has pubic and underarm hair ,buds, and needs to use deodrant.I try to rise above it ,seeing it as hormones, but how much of this can we blame on hormones ??would it be hormones at this age- she is light and small for age.
And how much and when do we say behevour is not acceptable if its hard for her to controll - dont want her to feel bad bout herself... ? and if we make allowances when do we do so - what determines when -? my judgemant seems not so good - ive got L plates on here !!? - want to be consistant if i can ..she has started to say i cant help it its my hormones and whilst want to make alownaces cannot excuse all strops etc!!Her behevoiur is upsetting her sibling.Im intrrsted to hear of any advice before i hit the gin bottle!!!help please..............!thanks..

Linconlass I feel the same about my daughter aged 12. She started periods in December and has been a nightmare ever since.
Terrible strops. Violent temper tantrums. Hitting her twin sister (who hasn't started yet but is bigger and more developed) I'm struggling because she has been under the weather since she started and is very rundown because the periods are so heavy. Even had two periods in the months of March!
Will try AGAIN to get an appointment for her to see a female GP tomorrow,but DD insists there is nothing wrong with her!
In between times she is back to the old loving jolly daughter again.
My guess would be that your daughter has PMT.
I am struggling with dosing her with Evening Primrose Oil to ease the PMT
And I'm trying to give her iron tonic to help with her iron levels.
I am hoping for an improvement soon as it is destroying our home life.

my own d was put on the pill,this has helped a bit i think. at least periods are regular and lighter and her mood is a little more even

My DD1 is 11 almost 12. Most of the time she is her lovely self still, but she is definitely having cycles, even though her periods haven't started yet. Moods, crying jags, oversensitivity to everything, irritability. Arggghh.

It's a fine line. Bad behaviour is unacceptable whether it's homones or not.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand that at that age, it's all new and it will take time, to understand their rage, but I think you need to explain, at a non-hormone induced moment, that she has to learn to think before she speaks and if she does speak out of turn, expect that she needs to apologise.

Adult woman have to and so should she.

That said, I have a 15 yr old dd and it is rather hideous at times, so on paper, this idea sounds so simple. In reality, it's not quite so easy!

IMO, you have to enjoy the good moments and take every opportunity to talk about things and then endure the bad moments! Trick is, to ignore and avoid all things confrontational, when she's in a bad mood!

It's a bloody nightmare, but I am warmed by people on here with older DD's, that it does get better again!

Not much help to you though, you're still 3 years behind me - sorry about that!

DD and all my friends DD's of 12 are the same DD has not started yet, but her boobies are bigger than mine and she has hair.

I try to avoid confrontations in the morning, as she's always grumpy first thing.

Tone of voice is a major problem, so I try to remember to use a non-confrontational tone with her, and if she uses one to me/is rude/screeches, etc I tell her it is not acceptable. She is sent up to her room for time out if it's really bad - I feel you have to nip it in the bud or it could become the norm.

"Adult woman have to and so should she."

But a teen is not an adult and doesn't have the same physiological capacity for self control.

I don't have a teenaged DD, but do have teenaged DSSs. DSS1, who is 15, gets massive testosterone hits when he does martial arts classes and when he plays martial arts or boxing computer games, and this can lead him to fighting DSS2 (13) and DD (6). His martial arts teacher told DP that if DSS1 really cannot control himself, the only solution is to stop the classes as at that age they do not have the ability to overcome their hormones. And, of course, he mustn't play that type of computer game unless he is knackered after tennis or some such other non-combative sport.

I'm sure there must be similar strategies to help teenaged girls.

That's interesting Bonsoir (about the testosterone)

But how is it that DD is the perfect pupil at school, (and pretty good most of the time at home) - she can control herself when she wants too.

Is your DD controlling herself at school, or is the environment controlling her? It is wrong to think that if a child or teen is behaving him/herself as a general rule, that is a sign that that child/teen has self-control. Environmental factors are generally at play; and hormones kick in at times that teens cannot always predict (even if helpful martial arts coaches can!).

True, I'm sure the environment does have a part to play.

I did say that she has to learn to control herself, as it's all new. I do know it's a steep learning curve.

However, you need to start helping her to control it now, otherwise she'll play on it and use her homones as an excuse everytime, surely?