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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

kids have upset me

13 replies

emsamamysmam · 21/03/2011 14:24

Hi there. I'm new on here and something has happened today that I would like others perspective on if possible. It's my birthday today and although (when coaxed) all my kids said happy birthday, but no cards. Eldest got me some earings but just loose, might even have just been hers. Not wrapped or anything or on the card. I have been devestated by this. I feel that I deserve it as I don't have a lot of time to spend with them. They are at their fathers tonight so I wont see them. Am I being silly. Haven't been able to stop crying. They've never done this before.

OP posts:
glitzy · 21/03/2011 15:48

How old are they?

Original poster
emsamamysmam · 21/03/2011 15:52

14, 13 and 9

OP posts:
Original poster
emsamamysmam · 21/03/2011 15:59

should I talk to them about it? if so what should I say? or should I just leave it and do as my husband says and "get a grip". Is this what you get for working full time?? :(

OP posts:
Lucylu5 · 21/03/2011 16:05

Happy birthday.
I don't blame you for being upset, they would be if you had not bothered about their birthday.
Your not asking for a full blown party, cake and entertainment, just a simple acknowledgement that it is your day, they are not tiny children and sure they could manage a card (homemade)
Maybe you could have a quiet word and let them know that you were a little down about it, without making a huge fuss.

Hope you can enjoy what's left of your birthday

Original poster
emsamamysmam · 21/03/2011 16:14

thanks for that Lucylu
Cancelled my nice meal out at thai restaurant! When I read some of the struggles some people have had I feel like I should "get a grip". Maybe I need to spend more time with them (when I don't know)
Guilt!!! The curse of all mothers! I'm dripping in it.

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/03/2011 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
emsamamysmam · 21/03/2011 17:22

Actually you are right Maryz. I do feel some resent towards hubby too for not taking them shopping and yes he did do this last year. However, he works 72 hr weeks, i'm full time and kind of blame myself now that i'm calming down. They don't get any pocket money either. Mind you, I would have loved, loved, loved a home made card or something. Just as well i've been at work all day and not able to let them see me upset. I'll just hope for something nice on mothers day (and arm them with money etc)!!
Feeling better just getting it off my chest really. Thanks everyone x

OP posts:
MADABOUTTHEBOY2000 · 21/03/2011 17:30

i agree with maryz my kids if not propted would be the same i have to remind them and take them to get something for dad he will have to remind them mothers day soon ect ect it is a bit upsetting they need reminding even as could you imagine how they would be if you did that to them i think they need nan or dadto remind/take them and have a chat with them about family care for want of a better phrase , it could be if there at dads today hes going to do a belated something or other you never know or maybe a chat in a couple days telling them they hurt your feelings and isnt it time to take responsibility we know there not earning but i used to at 10 save up my pocket money to get a gift for my parents even if it was just a mug a tie or soap on a rope but plese dont feel sad its just kids in general yours are no worse than anyone elses they love you but hey us mums will always be here they think wont we

MADABOUTTHEBOY2000 · 21/03/2011 17:31

oh sorry bit late read properly they dont get pocket money but dad could with older ones just give them a couple quid to pop to the local shop for chocs even so give him a slap lol im sure they have something still planned you know Smile

Imnotaslimjim · 21/03/2011 17:39

Just to make you feel a little better, a fortnight before any family birthdays, to give me time to get something as otherwise I forget

I turn 30 in a fortnight!

JETS · 22/03/2011 20:58

three cildren who love you hmmmm now rheres a present!!!

cory · 23/03/2011 07:49

At 14 and 13 they might feel a bit old for homemade cards, unless they are very artistic; my experience is that this is an age where they are very self conscious. Also an age where it is easy to just push something away and refuse to think about it if feels uncomfortable (would like to give something but have no money, oh this is awkward, I'll think about it tomorrow, no the day after...)

Personally, I think this is one of the areas where you need to train children in the direction you want them to go- and ideally, of course, it should be done by the other parent. But failing that I would start giving them pocket money with the explanation of what it is meant to cover.

I get breakfast in bed on Mother's Day and dinner cooked for me. But only because I drop heavy hints about how much I'm looking forward to it.

mummytime · 23/03/2011 08:07

I make it quite clear what is expected. It has lead to my DS being dumped in town with £10, also him getting an upset Mummy when despite a generous allowance he tried to palm me off with something really rubbish he had made (5 minutes with a bit of paper and maybe a loo roll, he is 14).
DD still moans that she is expected to buy presents out of her generous allowance.

They need some money to buy stuff from, but also the expectations set. BTW did they see you cry? Do they have any idea how upset you were? If not how will they ever learn to become generous and thoughtful?

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