omg my daughter has changed over night

[wangle99]

DD 13 (nearly 14) has been quite mature for age, not the typical teen at all. Felt I'd obviously done a fantastic job of parenting until she went to bed a couple of weeks ago and woke up a completely different child - she is now the typical teen and I don't know how the hell to deal with it.

She is always right, she always has to prove us wrong, she always has to have the last word, she HAS to be the centre of every conversation, she has to know exactly what every conversation is about, she is in a world of her own to the point she took my briefcase bag out of the boot of the car yesterday morning and took it to school with her, despite 'five minutes till we leave' warnings she STILL is never ready, or forgets stuff and has to go back, although never particularly tidy she is a whirlwind of destruction now oh and x, y and z friends have better rooms, more stuff, better technology etc etc.

What happened and how on earth do I deal with it apart from resorting to copious amounts of or sending her to boarding school

I don't have any answers I'm afraid, sadly I have one of those here, mine's 11 next week !

I said to Dp yesterday I'll be glad when she starts her periods (any time now) then hopefully the hormonal surge may calm down a bit, although then the true PMT, womanly troubles will begin .

I find staying calm is the best remedy, although like you when she's still 'faffing' about when it's time to leave for school, it's very hard to stay cool, calm and collected.

No advice, wangle but I could have written the same post about DS (14). Loved the bit about having done an excellent job of parenting!! - I spent a few months feeling exactly the same as you and feeling rather cosy and smug as I watched my friends' teens' behaviour disintegrate. We've had the "better homes", "better rooms", "better parents" etc etc too. Apparently, they do return to normal although we might have to wait 4 or 5 years. If it's any consolation, the teenage angst doesn't seem to be constant; it goes in fits and starts and is highly dependent on the time of day, amount of food consumed and whether he's received any texts.

Crap! crap!

Don't say that!!! My DD(14.5) is very mature and i've been proud of myself for a job well done as well!

On the school thing, not sure how far she lives from school but I make mine walk. It's probably about a mile away. That way, she's responsible for her own timekeeping. All I do is listen out for her to make sure she's awake then leave it to her. If she's late then school will give her a detention so I don't have to get stressed! I just don't understand how she can faff around for so long getting ready for school! I swear she's up at about 6.30am. Why does it take 1.5 hours to get ready when she barely puts any make up on and only showers in the evenings?

My only criticism of my DD is that she rarely has a proper conversation and its more like I get grunted at. I'm old, embarrassing but useful for lifts and money! I am told this is normal and she'll get over it.

Join the club wangle. My Dd2 is 15 and horrid at the moment, she behaves like a princess but lives like a tramp.

Everything is a strggle she is vile to her sister and thinks the whole world is against her.

Try not to worry too much, they do come out the other side.

I laugh at Dd1 who is 22 and is shocked by the way Dd2 behaves and yet she was exactly the same until about 3 years ago.

In the morning, before school, my fifteen year old has got enough time to spend half an hour doing her hair three different ways but has not got enough time to make her bed/ open her curtains/ shut her wardrobe door/ switch her light off/ fold her pjyamas.

It's the new normal in our house.

i think its time to say right if shes late her problem( we dont want them to be late ect) but at the end of the day her being late /attendance ect wont matter to you when she cant get the job she wants as she will have left home ,what i mean by that is not of course to remind her time but at the end of the day dont stress about it let 90% of what they say and do wash over you ive the same prob ive 2 teens and one younger Dc and the DD14 & DS15 are both like this they used to be lovely but i have been informed that by 18 ish they come down from hiding in their bedrooms turn off the msn and become human again,,,, we can only hope

I'm so glad I'm not alone! It amazes me how they are all so similar in the way they change.

I think I need to let alot more wash over me rather than getting wound up all the time. It's just so hard though and of course her 7 year old brother is picking up her back chat as well! This parenting lark isn't easy is it?!

it sooo isnt by the time we get the hang of it they will be back to normal hopefully lol

not in my case.....i'm on my second teen,first is a dream,second,a nightmare.......got 3 boys to go yet!!!!!

My advice is do as much researh as you can and get lots of strategies in the bank, and be ready for anything. I wish I had, because if I had, I might not have been in the position I am now where my DD14 is nearly out of control and its going to be much harder to get her back on track. Its simple stuff (as simple as teens can get) if you start early but believe me it gets very difficult when your further down the wrong track. I listen to people saying - don't worry it will pass, and I long for when it does, but its not much fun when your in the middle of it. So sit down get the wine out and read as much as you can. And howpefully you won't end up the the schools speed dial like me.......

mumslife....i have a 3 year old going round calling everyone 'dickhead',i'm delaying pre school a bit!!! he's only been 3 for two weeks as well!!

he also says 'ditch' alot,obviously meaning bitch!! the others all laugh,but do have the good grace to look ashamed when i ask them if they would like him saying it to school staff!

ive two teens too ILoveTiffanny both lovely one min and a nightmare next like jeckle and hyde but still got another to go after that hes only 10 atm but the teen angst is kicking in early hes begining to go through puberty now , i have all the rules in play basically that mumslife has they are generally respectful about my wishes ect the only one i have a problem with is chores and grunting/moaning and i give them a present of something they have been waiting for when they get goos reports/results in exams they are happy one min and moody the next but i figure thats power to the course when going through all these physical and mental chages but im sure they will come out the other side and be fine...eventually

mumslife - i used to have boundaries like yours and my DS now 17 went through them with no problem. But what do you do when you say no smoking and then she does (out of sight and her friends keep the cigs). you give no money to buy cigs so she steals it. What about when she starts lying and says she is somewhere she is not. When you tell her she is grounded and she climbs out the window and doesn't care if the police bring her back because she has had an 'awesome' time and the cops don't do anything. I could keep going to the point where I ran out of consequences. My point is - be as prepared as possible so you can cope with anything..... and if it doesn't happen be so gratefull and show you love them.

@50000feet That is top advice, I'm going to remember to thank them tonight for behaving (and think in my head "so far" )

The book Divas and Doorslammers (on Amazon) has some excellent advice

If you feel out of your depth and totally lost with regards to your teenage daughter,my advice is to call SS now as when they hit 15 and 16,you won't have a cat in hells chance of them helping or listening (and don't hold out any hard or fast action from any 'helpful' agencies whatever the age).

they can't do much to help at age 14 either thingummy......even when dd is endangering her 3 year old brother!!!

Oh no need to tell me Tiff,I've had a guts full of limp wristed social workers this week.

I still think it's a good idea to inform them of any issues that your teens are having or creating so it's all down in black and white and on file..even if they can't help.

Cover your arse in other words.