What to do with too much information

[Churchlyn]

My DD has just turned 15 and she tells me a lot of what is going on with her and her friends which is great because we can have lovely conversations about all sorts of things But...just recently she has shared with me some information about the sexual activity of a couple of the "popular" girls at school who I know from Primary School days. So here's the thing; do I just sit on that info as if I were a confessional or is there ever a justification in passing on at least a few hints to the mums of those girls. I have been wrestling with this for a few days. What do you think? I definitely wouldn't tell the mums outright because then it would lead back to DD and all hell would break loose but I can't help feeling their mums would want to know...perhaps they know already....What do you think?

I have a DD who is a similar age and she sometimes tells me things that are going on with people from school.

I think you should treat it as confidential, some of it may not be true (there are a lot of rumours at high school) and your DD may stop sharing with you if she thinks that things might get back to their parents.

It's not easy, I know, but it isn't your business to get involved. You could use the conversations to discuss how these experiences could be affecting the girls involved.

My one addition is if something seems unsafe. My DD recently told me about a friend who had cut herself. I gave my daughter the chance to tell a teacher, or I would tell (DD and friends went to tell, but it was already known by then).

Otherwise its not really your business, and might not be true. Just use it to discuss with your DD her views, and what she would do in those circumstances etc.

my dd (15) has told me loads of stuff I never really wanted to hear

I have never passed on any of it, nor even hinted, and wouldn't....unless someone's life was at risk

DD is now 17 and has always been very open with me, but knows that I wouldn't ever breathe a word of what she tells me. It opens up the opportunity of having conversations about how to handle certain situations too. If I thought one of her friends was in danger from something, I would suggest to DD how to handle it, and she would normally follow my suggestion. Not happened in any serious way yet though. Certainly wouldn't get involved in any experimentation by friends - other than say 'make sure she gets the morning after pill!'

Keep talking - it's good!

the trust between you and your daughter is the most important thing. i wouldn't say a word.

in fact when dd was 14 she brought her best friend to my house. the friend had had sex for the first time and was worried she was pregnant. i bought a test from chemist - she did it in my house. she wasn't. but we never mentioned it again. i still see her from time to time and shes a lovely girl. best that your dd sees you as someone she can go to. sounds like to have a brilliant relationship

Thanks to everyone who replied - I knew the answer really -just needed the reinforcement! Yes, we do have a lovely relationship but as I am a lawyer it is also tricky when I hear things which are illegal. I do use it as an opportunity to discuss feelings - self-worth is a particularly hot topic - but also I try and counsel about DD getting too swept up in gossip and condemnation of behaviour. I do agree about the self-harm bit and I do suggest quite strongly when I think someone should tell their parents eg bullying.

My girl has told me and still tells me pretty much everything that goes on with her friends - I never say a word about it, but I do give advice when she asks for it about how to help in certain situations. She has a reputation for being a good listener so a lot of people come to her and she needs an older person to consult with sometimes on things, partly because it sometimes gets a bit stressful for her to cope with it alone. If anyone was in danger, I would advise her how to proceed.
If someone was self-harming or being bullied in a way that was evidently harming them, I would encourage her to get them to tell their parents or to find a way of letting them know.