son asking to go into care help please

[sowhatshallido]

age 13.5
Told me last night he would like to live in care, and has thought about this for the last approx year.

i think he is probably depressed
he hasnt got any friends, he doesnt get on with 3 older siblings or his dad, (me the most but not wonderful)
he has always been 'a handful' as in attitude, behaviour etc - right from primary.
he has diabetes that he got when he was 11 and he rebels a lot about it, and doesnt take care like he should.
he has previously been referred to camhs by diabetic nurse but wouldnt talk to them
Wont go to the doctor with me
Never been loving type person - ie wont be hugged or kissed (even as a toddler)
Always been a loner, who would like people to like him i think, but he is very judgemental and points out peoples failings to them if he sees fit.
He is on g and t register at his school but refuses to do any work and hates most of his teachers, frequently in academic remove.
He will never help around the house and his room is a tip, this is what kicks off his dad a lot - he does get told off a lot, and his dad tries just to ignore him now. He does lose his temper on occasion too. He is the type of personality (ds) who will wind people up to get a reaction.
He never goes out of the house if he can help it.

I dont know what to do.
I am thinking of contacting nurse he sees for his diabetes who i get on well with and saying that we are still having a lot of problems (she knows what he is like) and what he is asking and see what she says - i guess she will be obliged to refer it to social services, but I am dreading what is going to happen.
He has had lots of chances to open up to pastoral support at school, nurse, psychologist etc but will not talk to anyone.

I do not want him to go into care, i want us to get help to get him happier and sorted at home.
DH thinks maybe its for the best.

?????

I'd agree with walesblackbird on statementing. It's quite time-consuming and you end up as a sort of project manager organising the appointments and evidence, but in my experience having more control over the process is probably more likely to result in a statement than if school puts in for it on your son's behalf (although others on here may have had different experiences)

Oh sowhat what a distressing situation to be in for you. Yes, keep pushing for another referral to CAMHS maybe they need to persevere through the not talking stage with your DS. Sometimes even seeing a different worker will help a child open up.

don't worry about SS too much, they are over run with kids who don't have parents who care so I think it unlikely that they will intervene just because your DS says negative things about your DH.

I had a family parenting advisor who was fantastic she made us see what changes we could make to help DS change in his behaviours around the house. Think she was employed by a childrens charity & contracted via YOT. I was a bit defensive at first until I met her & realised she wasn't there to judge & was v supportive. Her work with us certainly reduced the tensions & the number of incidents so I highly recommend this.

It hurts when your child doesn't want to live at home, I know that from my own situation. I try & remind myself that kids with problems need something to apportion blame to. It is easier for them to think that moving home will solve everything than looking inside themselves.

take care & I hope that you get that referral x