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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Depression in Pre-teen?

21 replies

MeelooMouloo · 09/03/2011 09:53

Posted here as counldn't see anything similar in other topics.
DS1 is 11 in 3 wks, has always been quite insular & self-negative (variety of reasons, parental divorce/illness/bullying). He's old for his age, mixes better with adults or young children but detached from his peer group, tries relentlessly to fit in but constantly rejected. Recently has been very down, cries a lot, losing interest in things he's previously enjoyed, finds excuses constantly as to why he can't do something or to emphasise that he's crap at stuff.
Me & Step-dad tried several different tactics to get him to enjoy life again but have finally run out of options, nothing seems to affect his mood.

Has anyone experienced anything similar with this age group, reluctant to have him labelled as depressed or with personality disorder of some kind but also extremely worried that the problems will only get worse if he starts secondary school with this attitude.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

PixieOnaLeaf · 09/03/2011 10:35

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Maryz · 09/03/2011 11:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MeelooMouloo · 09/03/2011 21:16

I'm due to see our GP anyway next week for an unrelated reason but think I will mention it to her and see what she thinks.
Maryz - my brother went the same way as your son so there is a history of depression in our family already. Remember clearly how rapidly his behaviour deteriorated from yr 8 onwards. Know that my parents went through total hell with him.

Pixieonaleaf - I will re-post once I have spoken to my GP & let you know what they have suggested. I have been speaking to his deputy head at school to see if there is any support they can offer but sadly they seem more concerned about their SATS this year than the children taking them. They have put a few measures in place but bullying throughout the whole school is a real problem which they don't seem to be coping with.

OP posts:

generalhaig · 09/03/2011 22:07

MeelooMouloo - we're going through exactly the same thing with my just turned 11 year old ... trying to get him some CBT ..

it is very hard to get anyone to take it seriously - i've been flagging up with school for months that he's not happy but it was only on Friday when he refused point blank to go in that they seemed interested

mrsjaja · 11/03/2011 13:59

OMG!!!! DD is 9, and been having similarish issues. Probs with self esteem (nobody likes me), im crap at everything (top sets throughout), how can you love me im ugly/fat (beautiful and 5ft 1 - tall not fat)....threatens to (and does occasionally) bite herself in the hand when she is in a rage ....and now wont go to bed. Spoke to GP, who gave me Phenergan, but she seems to be able to push past the sleepiness and carry on regardless......

Im going back to my GP today, without her, to discuss all of this - hoping for some help too. Good luck OP, I think we are both going to need it!!!!

Original poster

MeelooMouloo · 11/03/2011 23:40

He's had another incident with a couple of boys at school today. Seems PE lessons are the worst, he's not remotely sporty but tries anyway, has all the co-ordination of a drunkken gnu, but at least he tries, his year group are 80% boys and most are really into sport which just isolates him further. Came home really worried that because he'd hit one of the boys back he's going to be called into the office on Monday.

Never sure what tell him for the best, walk away & ignore them (which hasn't worked for the past 3 yrs) or to give them such a kicking that they won't dare taunt him again. Sadly he's not the kicking kind.

mrsjaja - he says exactly the same things as your daughter. Doesn't matter how much I reassure him it never makes a scrap of difference.

OP posts:

Maryz · 11/03/2011 23:53

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thornykate · 12/03/2011 00:03

Definitely best to get him assessed now before the teen years start. I wish I had pushed harder for assessment of my son years ago you are doing the best thing to seek help I truly hope things look up for him soon.

MrsShrekTheThird · 12/03/2011 00:07

DS1 has a similar story to Maryz's, he was 9 when we referred him to CAMHS last year. Now dx with Aspergers / ASD. Also makes sense. We'd got to the point of him trying to throw himself downstairs saying "I want to die" and his behaviour was deteriorating at a hideous rate. Now we know he has ASD we can support him properly :)

Original poster

MeelooMouloo · 12/03/2011 21:59

Maryz - he is struggling. He's at his dad's this weekend so have not seen him since the tears on Friday. Defo true about giving off the wrong vibes, have told him (nicely) about this but I still don't think it has registered with him yet. He gets grief from some of the other boys at Scouts too but not as bad. He has no self esteem at all and needs constant reassurance. He used to talk to his nana but he rarely goes over to see them now, prefers to go to his room & play games listen to his ipod.

Hopefully we'll get some help from GP when I see them on Monday. Don't think you can self refer to CAMHS, got to go through your GP.

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Original poster

MeelooMouloo · 23/03/2011 07:56

Just an update, have seen GP & she has spoken to DS & feels that councilling is not appropriate at the mo & CAMHS has huge waiting list. She has advised to review in 6 months to monitor him through the changeover to high school.

Thankfully the bullying at school has been better this past 2 weeks, he actually stood up to the and they have backed off for the moment. Was very proud of him.

Was a little disappointed by the GP's response but understand that she was seeing him on a good week. Will keep an eye on him.

OP posts:

MrsShrekTheThird · 23/03/2011 23:21

am a bit at your GP - can you get to see someone else? If the CAMHS waiting lists are long, then get on it asap ffs!!

Maryz · 23/03/2011 23:40

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MeelooMouloo · 26/03/2011 08:25

Thanks Maryz. Wasn't too impressed with their reaction either. Have already been keeping a diary of when he's bad just as a reminder for me.

Have been looking in our local area for any youth groups or similar that deal with this where he could go to make friends and MIND have a centre not too far from here so going pop down & see if they know of anything local. (they run a mental health cafe etc)

I have a lot of involvement with CAHMS through work so going have a word with them direct to see if they can help without having to go through the GP. Naughty to use the back door I know but if it helps........

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 26/03/2011 09:27

My friend's daughter goes to a counselling service run by volunteers (Professional therapists giving up their own time). It's called Youth Enquiry Service, I think there are a few and youdon't need to be referred by the GP.

MitchiestInge · 26/03/2011 09:30

They won't 'label' a child with a personality disorder, those diagnoses are for adults. I don't understand why your GP can't refer you to CAMHS?

MitchiestInge · 26/03/2011 09:32

Also could you talk to YoungMinds? No idea if they are any good.

serendipity16 · 24/04/2011 11:24

Hi. Sorry to bump up this thread but i was wondering how your son is & did you get any help?

Its just that im having the same problems with my 10yr old son. Going to go & see my gp about him hopefully next week. Although he's not being bullied that i know of and no divorce.
He's crying at the littlest things & is so moody.
One minute he's happy, kissing me, talking and smiling, the next you say something simple like "Don't throw the ball at the window" & his mood changes & he gives us dirty looks, sulking & won't talk to us for 2-3 hours & speaks with an attitude.

cory · 24/04/2011 15:51

Ds (10) has been having CAHMS counselling for a while now and it has really helped him; he seems a lot more positive. Fortunately, paed was very helpful in referring him and the CAHMS counsellor agreed it was important to get started on help before he goes up to secondary.

serendipity16 · 24/04/2011 16:02

Its good to hear Cory that your son is feeling more positive.
I've never heard of CAHMS before so have had to google it & will have a proper read later.

I really hope my gp will suggest/do something and not be dismissive which they've been to me before about other things.
I don't want things getting any worse than they already are.

generalhaig · 24/04/2011 16:45

what do you do when they refuse counselling though? ds2 has been offered counselling through school but says there's no point as if he's not feeling sad at that precise moment there'll be nothing to talk about .... (he has mild ASD and is very concrete)

he's still bursting into tears at the slightest thing but if he's not actually crying at any particular time will not admit there's anything wrong

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