For my friend, desperately need advice please.

[cherrychoo]

Her ds is nearly 18.
Desperately shy, packed in college months ago.
Now has no income, only goes out once a week to go to the shops with her.
Rest of the time plays on one of those play x box thingies (sorry, dont know what its called)

He wont entertain any suggestions she has for jobs, aprenticships, new college courses.
She says theres no jobs out there any way.

She is at her wits end.

Dont suggest a kick up the arse as she is a single parent and just cant do it.

yes she can!!

remove the xbox....its the best way

he needs his confidence building...more trips out etc

any hobbies or interests apart from xbox?

I did tentatively suggest this but she says its all he has.
No hobbies, no friends no other interests.

Without sounding unkind, she kinda enables all of this and has loads of excuses about why he is the way he is, why she allows it all and sticks up for him. At the same time she gets so upset about what she can do.

He is almost an adult now though. Where do her responisbilities end.

Have you told her that, about the enabling? Because if she doesn't do something quick, this will be is whole life. As a single parent, do you think she relies on him being around for her own reasons, eg company?

You could suggest he sees a GP about depression or agrophobia, but it does sound like she will need to set some ground rules either way.

She will be unable to support him financailly when he is 18. All of her money stops.

I have suggested the GP and she has asked him, but her refuses to go.

He does nothing in the house, up all night on x station, sleeps most of the day.

Washing up still in the sink.
She says he doesnt drink and doesnt smoke....so thats a relief.

She does need to push him to see his GP. It could be a social anxiety thing or depression - he can't be very happy, anyway. My sister was like this and my mum was worried, she managed to get some support though through her GP and things are improving.

who is paying for his xbox? does he play xbox live? new games come out...she buys them?

she could start with him earning the games,little incentives....jobs around the house,more importantly,garden and the neighbourhood

he needs to engage with life.....he sounds depressed maybe?

she needs to give some tough love here....i currently have a stroppy 12 yr old refusing to do his homework. i've removed xbox controller and hidden it......he knows from past experience he wont get it back til homework is done......your friends ds needs this treatment too....

Yes and she will be screwed when he turns 18. My mum is struggling now. She needs to at least start the ball rolling on something.

switch off internet router.....

She needs to show how much she loves him by toughening up.

I know he's still her baby, but she must do everything she can to break this cycle now, so that he can have a good life. Why can't they go out every day? Even if it's just for a walk, to the cinema etc.?

It does sound like it could be depression, if not now then soon as a result of the isolation and lack of exercise / stimulus.

Also possibly anxiety and agoraphobia going on.

I'd suggest finding a local youth counselling service IF he wants to do it. And mum should really stop colluding and supporting him financially. Most people dont change until it is too uncomfortable NOT to.

going to google local youth councelling, thanks.

Definitely stop the Xbox or curtail it as much as possible. His behaviour is not normal. She needs to see this and to help him as much as possible. She needs to help him search for jobs if he won't do it himself. I wouldn't normally advocate that; I'm very much of the persuasion that children are far too mollycoddled nowadays, but in the situation you describe, I think his Xbox addiction has gone on far too long and she needs to help him withdraw and give him some other interests/things to think about.

She needs to do something asap, or what will he do with his life?