Boundaries

[mouse567]

hi - first time posting! Have a 14 yr old daughter, just starting to 'push the boundaries' where sex is concerned! She wants to 'hang out' with her boyfriend in her bedroom - sends all sorts of alarm bells off for me Any advice welcomed!!

No no no - in our house only after DD (15 at time, now 16) had been going out with him for a while so we knew him better. Now he is allowed, but the bedroom door MUST be left open. Also we do encourage DS6 & 9 to keep popping in.

DS (15) and GF hang out in his bedroom, usually watching DVDs.
There is a door wide open rule and I find I often need to walk past or pop in for things. They are never alone in the house either.

I would let them hang out in the bedroom, with the door shut .I may pop in to offer drinks from time to time though

Thanks guys - really helpful. Feel ok to say 'no' now..xx

@ frazmum i like that sending the LO in to watch them haha ill remember to do that ty

DD1 (15) is allowed to take her boyfriend up to her room. We have had many chats. She knows that if our trust is abused then she will be grounded until the end of time as will her brother and sister. She knows that their revenge will be far more terrible than ours.

Hmm. When I was 14 if I had a boyfriend in my room I would have used the opportunity to its fullest and done all manner of things, but then my parents were oblivious and I was a slapper

My stepsister (now 20) was allowed her boyfriend in her room at 13, they did have sex, but her mother was very open and frank about it all and instilled a fear of teenage pregnancy and STIs into her that will live with her (and anyone else who may have been privy to those particular conversations) until the day she dies - she is a champion of condoms and safe sex and was not irresponsible in any way with that. So it depends what you want the outcome to be.

If it were my daughter (11 now but I am looking to the nearish future), I think I would not allow it, go for the open door policy - they need some time together but not too much imo...

I agree to open door policy. My daughter has had friends who are boys in her room since she was 7 so a bit hard to say no now without being graphic as to the reason! However, if she tries to close the door, I make a point of bustling in and out with clothes to be put away etc - trickier to manage is what happens when I am at work and she is alone at home during the school holidays....I have to trust her and hope our discussions about underage sex and safe sex will be remembered :)