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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Inviting Muslim girls to DD's 13th b'day

16 replies

cappaddict · 06/03/2011 23:14

My DD has invited two non-muslim and three muslim friends to her birthday treat - lunch in town (with halal options) and a trip to see "Rango". One of the non-muslim friends is a boy aged 12 (has been DD's friend since Year 2). They all go to school together, sit together at lunch, etc. We've had one no and two no replies from the Muslim girls and DD thinks they aren't allowed to go and is sad since they all get on really well (DD has little in common with the fashionistas in Yr 8). We wonder if it would make a difference if we could meet the families but have no idea how we'd go about about this. In my experience parents at secondary school don't usually invite each other round. Don't even have phone numbers yet. Any advice?

OP posts:
nailak · 06/03/2011 23:29

Have you asked the girls why they said no? it may be their parents dont like the activity or it may be because they dont know you, i dont know what is rango, but it may help if you go round and say there will be absolutley no funn business, drinking, getting off with boys etc,
it may be the time? would this be in the evening?
you really have to ask the girls why the friends parents are saying no. but some muslim cultures just dont let their daughters out full stop because they are too backwards, (being a muslim i can say that!) so there may be nothing you can do.

Original poster
cappaddict · 07/03/2011 07:39

"Rango" is a cartoon, the event is in the afternoon (they'll be back by 1830) and I've made it clear on the invite they'll be accompanied by us (and sent a list of who is invited to be completely clear). The girls have said they don't think their parents will let them come but it's not clear exactly why. The one who is a definite no has hinted she might have more chance if it was an all girls event.

OP posts:
cumbria81 · 07/03/2011 11:18

I sympathise. I went to a secondary school where I was in a minority of non-Muslims. Most of my friends were Muslim girls and, quite frankly, weren't allowed to do anything, even accompanied by parents, although I was allowed to go to their house. It was shit for me because it did curtail my social life a bit.

nailak · 07/03/2011 23:40

tbh you might have a better chance if you phone the mums? cant help to try? or maybe if you really desperately want them to come suggest one of their older siblings tag along?

straightbat · 07/03/2011 23:42

Muslims don't celebrate birthdays (strictly speaking) so maybe that is the reason.

nailak · 07/03/2011 23:46

if that was the reason wouldnt they have just said? but maybe it could be, i know if i am having birthday parties for my dcs there are certain people i wouldnt invite coz of this.

Original poster
cappaddict · 08/03/2011 22:43

Thanks for thoughts. Have finally got one phone number via dd. But having had 3 definite nos to the invite may give up on birthday idea. Have suggested to dd that she ask her friends to invite her to their house so at least their parents can meet her and I could pick her up and have a doorstep conversation.

OP posts:
brass · 13/03/2011 19:44

Went to school with lots of muslim girls and there was basically a blanket ban on having a social life outside school (all girls).

mumblechum1 · 14/03/2011 10:37

Unbelievabl, really, in 2011. Sad

tropicalfish · 14/03/2011 22:54

If you were having them around to your house and you clearly specified that there would be no boys and no alcohol I think that would help.

tropicalfish · 14/03/2011 22:54

having a boy there is a definite no

FattyArbuckel · 18/03/2011 15:47

My dd's friend can't go to parties in Ramadan or before 2pm on a Saturday or Sunday because she goes to Mosque both days

FattyArbuckel · 18/03/2011 15:49

Why not try ringing the mothers of the no replies?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/03/2011 09:26

cappaddict,

Meeting the families of these Muslim girls would unfortunately make no difference to the overall outcome.

Re this comment made by brass:-

"Went to school with lots of muslim girls and there was basically a blanket ban on having a social life outside school"

This was my experience as well with regards to these particular girls. They are expected to receive an education; any social life does not come into the equation. They were allowed female visitors to their house but they weren't allowed to go to the cinema, go out shopping on Saturday afternoon or go out for a meal. A great shame all round really. Even though it is 2011 deeply rooted attitudes do not readily change.

FattyArbuckel · 20/03/2011 09:47

My dd's muslim friend is allowed to go shopping and to the cinema so it would be a shame to generalise.

haggis01 · 29/03/2011 14:56

My DD has had a lot of muslim friends. Some are allowed to go for a pizza or to shop as long as they wear their headscarfs etc.and can go to approved films. Some can do what they like with my DD and their friends. Some others have a blanket ban and never go out except with family and some would not even dare ask their parents or show an invite as it would just create trouble for them.
My daughter has never been invited to any of their houses ever.

OP - I think a personal approach can help. I assured some parents once that the party at my house was girl only and no alcohol (15TH birthday) - I sent a letter home with the girl and her parents phoned and she was allowed to attend.

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