What to do ...?

[Ooopsadaisy]

Not working until tonight so have just done the shopping.

Spotted friend of DS's.

Why isn't he in school?

Doctors/Dentist/Hospital? - No - he's not in uniform and he was on his own on his bike.

Exam leave/school closed - nope. He's in most of DS's classes (or he should be).

Funeral/family emergency? - Why was he on his bike drinking a bottle of lucozade?

Have known the boy all his life. Have changed his nappies (the thought of it!!!) and he's often staying with us.

His parents both go out to work very early so he gets up and gets himself out to school on his own (allegedly). In fact, when he was younger he used to come to us quite early so he wasn't at home on his own in the mornings.

Do I tell the parents?

Do I tactfully quiz DS?

Do I speak to school?

Is it none of my damn business?

If it was DS then I would want to know.

They are Year 10.

What do you wise people think?

My son truants occasionally. So do some of his friends. It started in Y9 and reached a peak in the spring/summer of Y10. When I spoke to his form tutor about it, he said that truanting is like a taboo: once broken, it becomes easier and easier to do again.

I always want to know, even though I can't stop it. Some of his friends' parents don't - presumably for the same reason. Do you have a relationship with his parents? If so, definitely tell them - otherwise I think it undermines that relationship. Like you say, you would want to know.

On balance, I'd probably tell them anyway, this first time. If they don't already know it's happening, that gives them the chance to try to do something about it. Also, it might be something he's just started to do, and 'early intervention' could stop it.

It's hard though: most teens reach a certain age when it's hard-to-impossible to 'make' them do anything. His parents might already be aware of the problem, and might be trying to address it. If they both work, their options might be limited - even quitting your job and being at home to see kids off to school every day won't guarantee they get there or stay there. (The days my son truanted, he went off on the school bus as normal, but then just walked away once he got there).

If you talk to his parents, the best approach might be "Do you know your son was at X on Wednesday? Just thought I'd mention it in case you don't know". Don't have any expectations about how they'll respond.

It's not very fashionable to take a constructive interest in teenagers' behaviour - other people's teenagers, anyway. Often people just moan about them and do nothing. It sounds like you care about this boy and you feel some sense of responsibility. That's good.

Thanks flow.

I don't want to be an interferring old bag, but I get quite annoyed when I hear all the criticism that teenage boys get and I would love for my DS's crowd to prove people wrong.

There are a large group of lads in DS's year who seem to never be at school and are involved in throwing stuff at people's houses and breaking wing-mirrors off cars etc.

I couldn't bear the idea of this lad getting into all that as he has bags of potential and I am proud to have been able to watch him grow up.

Just want him to make good choices.

I know his parents very well, although I would not describe them as friends. Our paths always cross through school, the boys' friendship, football, rugby ... etc ...

Am also obviously aware of the possible impact on DS.

"Your Mum dropped me right in the shit" etc.

But I don't want DS to start this behaviour either.

If you know this boy so well could you speak to him yourself?. Tell him all the lovely things you said here about him and that you would be sad to see him waste his life. It may at the very least give him food for thought if he knows and respects you?

Thanks ofmenandmice.

I did consider that but I was concerned that I might come across as the enemy. I know that you have to be the enemy sometimes as a parent - but I am not his parent.

I have asked DS (very vaguely and randomly) how this lad is getting on with his GCSEs and DS was a bit dismissive and shrugged. It's tricky cos "GCSEs are gay". He eventually said that the lad "isn't always in the class and he doesn't know where he is".

Sounds like a repeat offender. In that case his parents will find out via school.

I just don't want him hanging out with the wrong crowd. There are some real trouble-makers round here.

oopsadaisy - that's so nice that you care .
I reckon ( for what it's worth ! ) talk to parents .
Good luck.

I would phone the parents without hesitation. Factually state that you saw him when & where.
Maybe he was excluded? Altho' mustnt be in a public place if that was the case.

Thank you for your replies.

I spoke to the lad's Dad last night.

I told him I hoped he didn't think i was questioning their parenting skills or thinking the worst of their boy but ....

He was very grateful. He was also furious (in a calm way). He said that he knew his lad has done this a few times but thought they'd put a stop to it.

He also agreed with my concerns about him getting mixed up with the dodgy group who are never in school and chuck bottles at buses. Apparently he has been hanging about with them a bit.

I offered support if there was anything I could do.

Phew. I suppose that's it.

Hope it's the end of the matter.

My own son has done this - I now ring school at various points of the day and check he is where he should be .....im always aware that one day he wont be and its me his own mother that will have 'grassed' on him.