Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

over riding privacy

20 replies

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 28/02/2011 23:52

I have a sad and difficult situation and would welcome any advice.
In a nutshell my DD2 who is nearly 17, is horribly depressed.

She has struggled for a few years.. eating disorder from 14.. bulimic, now a comfort eater (still slim but horrible eating patterns) self harm..
We saw CAHMS briefly where they managed to make her eating problems worse by focussing on those rather than the low self esteem and unhappiness...and she basically agreed to everything they said to make them go away!

Since before xmas she has been deeply depressed. SHe is an able student, has a lovely boyfriend and says herself she has a family who support her and love her so she doesn't understand why she feels this way.. but currently she is in a very bad place, is self harming again (she doesn't realise I know) and on top of this has Glandular fever and is really quite seriously ill. School is torture and she is terrified of failing :(

We have the docs booked and she has said I can talk to the doc first as she feels unable to.
She keeps a blog.. has for years and in it she expresses how she feels very clearly.. the self harm and release it brings and hpw basically she doesn't want to live. I do not read it.. but her sister and one of my friends DO (and DD knows this) and alerted me to how bad it is.

I am thinking of printing off a few entries to let the doc read because the doc NEEDS to understand how awful things are and how urgently she needs help.. but I feel awful at doing this. I have said to DD I think it would be a very helpful move..she hasn't disagreed but then again she is barely awake at the mo because of the GF.

I feelI should respect her privacy..BUT she is my beloved child and frankly I see a suicide attempt happening soon if we don't get some help. What shall I do?

OP posts:

sharon2609 · 28/02/2011 23:56

I would do it. Poor girl (and poor you) needs help. I'd do anything to help her get it. Big hugs to you both.

TheSecondComing · 28/02/2011 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/02/2011 23:59

I, too, would do it, and I'm normally a "keep your nose out if it" person with teenagers.

PeterAndreForPM · 01/03/2011 00:02

I am so sorry your dd is so unhappy

I would do it, beter that than knowing you could have prevented somehing happening

even if it is a cry for help (and not planning to actually do anything) she needs to be heard

tell her what you are doing and why, at the minimum it will shine a light on her thought processes hat may make her pull herself up short IYSWIM

sharon2609 · 01/03/2011 00:03

I really dont think she's making it up.

sharon2609 · 01/03/2011 00:04

The depression I mean

TheSecondComing · 01/03/2011 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryonesJealousOfGingers · 01/03/2011 00:05

I think that if she is blogging she wants to be heard, it's completely different to you ripping pages out of a secret diary. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly, she trusts you and hasn't told you she doesn't want you to show the doc. Be strong, you are being a massive support to her.

Baffledandbewildered · 01/03/2011 00:07

God so sorry you are all in such a horrid place. I would print it out as you need to protect her saftey more than her privacy, possibly dd is hoping you will do this as she knows her sister reads the blog and it a.way of communicating things she cannot say directly??????? Hope you are able to help her and I will think and hope for you all x

BluddyMoFo · 01/03/2011 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay · 01/03/2011 00:09

The secondcoming.. no she isn't making it up.. God I wish she was.
She has gone from being a bubbly happy teen to one who is sobbing when she wakes in the morning.. she doesn't want to be awake anymore, she is deeply depressed. She is the least 'herd mentality' kid imaginable ..and used to be happy in her own skin.
Also popular (if that makes any difference..she never needed to be 'special' by having mental health problems)
Her personality has diminished week by week as her depression has taken hold.
Incidentally I have no concerns about drugs etc.. she is rabidly anti, rarely even has a drink (and falls over after 2 wines) . I have an older son who has given me no end of worries about cannabis use so am rather clued up on that score..:(

I don't think I do have an alternative but I still feel incredibly wrong doing it:(

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/03/2011 00:12

We all know why you feel wrong, (and it's good that you do, invho) but we all (so far!) think you should. An online blog isn't private in the way a diary is, as has been said, and maybe it is her way of communicating her distress.

sharon2609 · 01/03/2011 00:13

Please dont feel bad. She desperately needs help. I'm sure she wont mind as she sounds like a sensible girl. Depression is an awful awful thing to have. I hope your Gp can help.

TheSecondComing · 01/03/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notremotelyintofootie · 01/03/2011 08:28

I agree with the other posters that the blog is public domain and you ahould let the gp read it! When I had s problem with ds a few years ago due to bullying etc I actually wrote a detailed letter and photocopied relevant bits and sent it to the gp a week before so he could read it before I met with him! He said it was very useful as doctors appointments seem so rushed.... Might be worth you doing the same?

beijingaling · 01/03/2011 08:47

I agree that it is public domain so there really isn't a privacy issue. If she doesn't want people to read it then she should either keep a diary or not make the blog public. This sounds, to me, like a cry for help and you need to listen to her by printing it off and showing the doc.

Please don't knock yourself about over this. You aren't invading her privacy.

ajandjjmum · 01/03/2011 08:54

I'm so sorry that you and your DD are having to cope with this. I think you have to take any information you can to the GP, and certainly not feel bad about it.

Having a very disillusioned 17 year old DD myself, who is struggling with school and life at the moment, I really do have every sympathy.

cyrilsneer · 01/03/2011 08:56

I agree with notremotelyintofootie.

Anything on the internet is in the public domain.

Reading through this thread, I've got a few thoughts:

When I was worried about my DD16, I wrote out exactly what I wanted to tell the GP, called the surgery and asked for a call back. When the GP called I was able to tell her everything she needed to know before she saw my DD for an appointment a week later. Also - I made her a "double appointment" to have a bit less pressure on time.

Could you consider private psychotherapy with a UKCP registered phychotherapist? It's expensive - (£35 a session?) - but I have known it to be a life-saver/ God-send for two different (very sad and troubled) teenage girls. Apologies if it's out of your budget and therefore not a viable option - I just thought I'd mention it as it's been "The" thing that made the difference to these two daughters of friends of mine when everything else was not working.

Has the GP mentioned the possibility of anti-depressants? I know they are not a cure-all but I guess they do have a place...?

If she is a very able student and is worried about her academics being affected by (presumably) missing school because of the glandular fever - would she condsider repeating the year if necessary? I know of a girl who did no work in her Lower Sixth and so did very badly in her AS levels (largely due to being generally unhappy at school, too much partying and a rather lofty opinion of her own abilites. She changed schools and re-started Lower Sixth and it's absolutely been the making of her - she's a different girl, extremely happy and doing brilliantly. Just a thought...

So sorry that you are both going through this - poor her and poor you. It must be heart-breaking.

noscat · 01/03/2011 13:25

I would definitely tell the GP. If you can, you should also tell him about the self-harming. My DD is the same age & also had negative experiences with CAMHS. I took her to the GP when after a disastrous session with them she self harmed for the first time in years. She is on her second week of ADs and already we are seeing improvments. Wishing you the best of luck, I really hope the GP can help. Over the years she's been going through this she also found her Connexions advisor really helpful, especially when she was struggling with school

noscat · 01/03/2011 13:28

sorry, didn't mean to end that so abruptly - am typing this at work and shouldn't be! Just wanted to say I think you are doing absolutely the right thing, you cannot take chances with them when they are this vulnerable :(

Flip