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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Growing up too fast!!

4 replies

Madondogs · 27/02/2011 13:14

Had a horrible half term , and would appreciate some advice! Not sure if I am overreacting as I am definitely a 'worst case scenario ' sort of person. My Ds is 13 year 8 at an all boys school. He is very sporty , does well academically and has a wide circle of friends, with some lovely ' best friends ' that he has known since primary.in the last 5 months he has hit puberty with a bang!

We have always had a really good relationship and he is a very loving boy, but the last few months have been quite testing!!

Being in an all boys school he obviously isn't with girls but since primary school he has had a lot of girls attention.
Recently ( last four months) he has created a facebook account, which most of his peers also have and spent a lot of time on it. I have been on his account and seen that he is adding girls he does not know from the
all girls school in our area.
At the beginning of half term we noticed he was texting a girl a lot.
He had a sleepover at one of his best friends and the following day told me he wanted to meet this friend in a local park ( close to the friends home, but not in walking distance to ours).
I agreed I would drop him off. However when we arrived the friend was not there. Ds told me he had text him and he had said he was on his way, I said I would wait, he said no go! I said I was not happy leaving until the friend had arrived, but he started to get very upset, he finally admitted he was meeting a group of girls as well as the friend. I was annoyed he had lied, but he assured me then friend was meeting later.
I left when the girls arrived, and rang him two hrs later to ask when he wanted to be picked up and see if the friend was there. He said he was, but I didn't believe him so asked to speak to the friend. He then pretended to be his friend!!!! Obviously I knew the sound of my own sons voice ( who sounds nothing like his friend!!). I was very angry and said I was coming to get him.

After a long conversation about trust and telling the truth he promised he would not lie about who he was meeting up with again.

Fast forward three days later he went to the cinema with the same friend (we dropped them off). It was only later when my dd saw on her facebook that he had met up with the same girls. When confronted by my dd he did admit to this.

It's not that I mind him spending time with girls, that is a normal part of growing up, but this girl seems very sexually aware, and has had an older long term boyfriend. This boy has now contacted Ds via facebook and has made some very nasty remarks to him. I have now confiscated his phone so he cannot continually text and facebook. Sorry this is so long but I would appreciate some advice.

OP posts:
Madondogs · 27/02/2011 18:14

Bumping up please

OP posts:
inthesticks · 27/02/2011 19:14

There is a lot of deceit here which is what would worry me most. He must be very confident to meet up with a bunch of girls on his own?
It's an old chestnut but it's also true that trying to manipulate your child's friendships is very difficult. If you express disapproval of girl friends you may make them more attractive. I've no experience of single sex schools but I would imagine that magnifys all the usual pubescent yearnings.

Could you encourage him to bring friends including these girls home? Or offer to take them all somewhere yourself?

Others might disagree with me but I would come down on him really hard for telling lies and impress upon him that for his own safety he must never lie to you about where he is.

sharon2609 · 27/02/2011 23:38

I know when my DD13 is lying when her lips move! Very tricky but from what i am rapidly learning, lying is all part and parcel of the horrible teens time.
One of the few things that has worked for me is getting my DD to bring her mates to our house for pizza, loud music sessions. I may not have liked all the kids, although mostly they were very polite, but it def helps to meet them.

Earlybird · 27/02/2011 23:45

One of my good friends was quite open (to me and her dh) about spying on her son via facebook, his phone, etc. He was also not being truthful, and made some very bad choices when he was around the same age as your ds.

Generally, I wouldn't recommend this method. But my friend, who is integrity personified felt everything changed when her ds stopped communicating, and stopped being truthful with her. She felt having the 'inside information' (aka 'the truth) gave her a vital advantage, that she felt was necessary at that stage of her ds' life.

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