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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Lazy Teenage Boys - Help!

14 replies

sundowner · 26/02/2011 17:46

I have a problem with our son. He dropped out of school then went to do a diploma at the local college and dropped out of that. Wont make any effort to get a job or try any other form of further education. He is clever, good looking and healthy but just sleeps or goes skateboarding. Seems lost and a bit depressed. Anybody got any tips.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 26/02/2011 17:49

I have no real advice but will be looking to see what others suggest.Ds is v similar in fact apart from dropping out (which the college will decide for him if he continues as he is) it could be him.

Tortington · 26/02/2011 17:50

we have the same son, slthough mine is still in college - just.

ive thats ME - applied to PGL so he can feck off and get some skills

would this interest him here

Tortington · 26/02/2011 17:51

might do for your son too nodders and i think mabs has contacts there

noddyholder · 26/02/2011 17:53

Will take a look then although my ds is not depressed with his situation he is as happy as larry! I had thought of this sort of thing before but unless he can take all his mates and a vat of lager it will probably be a no!Fed up with him atm but trying to stay calm we are all shouted out here

Tortington · 26/02/2011 17:58

aw nodders i'm sorry, i'm sure he;ll come good - i bet he will get sponsorship and be a champion skater or something

HouseGirlfriend · 26/02/2011 17:59

Does he have to pay you rent? My sister did that but my parents rent fee forced her into a job! (Its not a crazy amount, 1/4 of bills and £50 for room, so less than actually moving out) Would that get his arse in gear?

And do you give an allowance? One we weren't in full time education we were grown up. No money. How does he buy lager now?

I was always told if I didn't want to contribute money wise then I didn't get to live there, simple as. (Or would he just not go :S ?)

noddyholder · 26/02/2011 18:05

God custy don't encourage him ! He is ok charming as ever just bone idle.I can't be bothered to argue with him I have far too much of my own stuff to deal with.He gets EMA although it is being stopped soon and he spends that on partying.He really wants to go to uni and so he will have to pull his socks up if he has any chance.I know he has been spoiled and is finding 'the real world' a challenge but thats life.Dp is softer than me and I have had to have words with him and so now with the 2 of us on his case I hope to get results.

HouseGirlfriend · 26/02/2011 18:15

Seeing his mates go off to uni might make him sit up? Mates of mine who took gap years were devastated when they saw student fb pictures!

Can he work in like...a skateshop or something? Not sure if they exist....!? Where do they buy skateboards....?

noddyholder · 26/02/2011 18:19

I hope when the real talk of uni kicks in he will get his act together.If he doesn't work he will be penniless but there are no jobs here for adults never mind teens!But he could try harder I agree.The thing is if he was more help and less bloody rude at home we would be quite generous financially and we used to be ,but as he is a pita we have stopped giving him any cash and he doesn't like it!My dp has told him if he mentions the gap year thing he can forget it, spoilt MC indulgence according to him and no way we will fund that.From what I see a lot of his friends are more interested than the gap year than teh degree!

Original poster

sundowner · 26/02/2011 19:10

Good to see we are not alone. We do give him a very small allowance and don't charge him anything for living - Unfortunately not interested in uni - far too much like hard work - think a job would do him good but getting him to even think about it seems impossible. One problem (and it might not sound like one) is that we are reasonably well off and he knows we will look after him so does not have any really pressing financial motivation. At least he is polite as long as we don't ask him any difficult questions like will you be back for dinner.

OP posts:

Original poster

sundowner · 26/02/2011 19:15

Getting a job in a skateboard shop sounds worth a try.

OP posts:

noddyholder · 26/02/2011 20:28

AT least he is polite My ds is rude to me all the time and it is getting to the point where I cannot put up with him.I asked him to wash up his dishes tonight and he was letting the tap run I asked him about 4 times to fill the sink as it costs etc and he told me to fuck off! This means another huge row when his dad gets in later I am worn out with it.

britincanada · 26/02/2011 21:39

Dear sundowner, no allowance, no internet, no mobiles etc.

He will wail some, then bugger off to hang out with his mates, eventually he will talk about it, 'get job, get out' being your reply, don't talk about uni, he will use this to stretch things out, a crap job will motivate him into uni and once he, on his own, has gone and looked up courses and started making plans do you offer to help.

Think of him and treat him like an adult, which means, in effect, stop asking him to do anything other than leave, don't argue, just act.

finnbarr · 27/02/2011 07:16

My SS is 14 and an absolute nightmare at the mo! It's like he just turne into Kevin when he hit 14...and it's all directed at me - not his dad. I'm so drained. And although he's not mine he lives with us and is only interested in hanging out in the park. He's stolen beer and walks in/out with no notification - sometimes has been potentially walking in to something he'd need years of therapy to get over... (TMI??)
he's so lazy and the way he's going he won't get any gcse - seriously won't get any. We support and encourage him - wants to join the army so we've looked into cadets and Officer college and everything but he doesn't even look at it. I'm so glad I'm not on my own with this. I've just instilled a new set of rules after yet another shouting match (followed by one between me and DH) and I am exhausted with him. Just need to remember that mantra of it's just a phase. Just hope he comes out of it and realises he's throwing everything away before it's too late and he has thrown everything away!!!!

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