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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I dont know which way to turn

8 replies

sweetkitten · 14/02/2011 11:59

Sorry its my first time here, so please forgive me if i get it all wrong.

I am a mother of 4 very different children, DS is 21, DD1 is 18, DD2 is 16, DD3 is 15. Last may me and my partner moved 100 miles away from my family, DS and DD2 and 3 came with me, DD1 always lived with her father.

After been here only a few months DD2 was sexually assualted, and couldnt handle been here, so she moved back to live with her father. I couldnt make her stay somewhere that she wasnt happy with.

The father lives with his GF and her DD, they had a fall out, Short story is she wants him but not my DD1 and 2, so he's left his children with a relative who is only a child hiself at the age of 20.

I cant force my DD1 and 2 to come live with me because i know there would be so unhappy, The GF is also sending my DD3 abusive messages on FB, Its plain to see she doesnt like my children.

I just dont know what the best thing to do is, How can i make their father take responsibilty for his own children, and how can i make my children see their father for what he really is.. a waste of space, sorry but im so annoyed that he could even think of leaving his children behind.

I guess i just wanted somewhere to rant and see what ppl suggest.. i dont know what is the right thing to do anymore without causing too much hurt to my children

OP posts:
Sanesometimes1 · 14/02/2011 22:49

kitten may I ask why you moved ?

maryz · 14/02/2011 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sweetkitten · 25/02/2011 19:44

sorry it took me a while to reply, i had that much on my mind and just come home from hospital.. i moved because of my partners job, going back would mean living on benefits which i really dont want to do.. I speak to them every day either by telephone or internet, They are happy where they are simply because they are not under the same roof as his gf, DD1 is 18, shes looking after DD2.. I see them whenever possible either by them coming to me or me going to them. I treat them exactly the same as i would if they lived withed me.
At the moment we have other issues, Dad is totally blanking DD3 cos his Gf doesnt like her and called her some very nasty words. For years all their dad has done is play mind games with them and only spoke to them when its suited him.DD3 is quite happy here, shes in touch with her sisters more than once a day :)

i may seem the bad one in all this as i choose to stay here and make a new life, but that doesnt stop me loving or caring about any of my cildren..they are more than welcome to come live with me, they dont want too.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 25/02/2011 20:02

SK - this is really sad. However, at the moment your dd's are happy, so ok for now. I can't see their current situation (staying with a 20 year old?) as being a permanent one though and you can't force their df to be responsible, unfortunately. So, I think its down to you really to ensure your dd's are cared for. They aren't 'children' as such but they still need cared for. I'm afraid it's down to you to do this. What way you do it is obviously your choice.

Oh and tell ask dds to block the gf's dd on facebook as a starter.

Maryz · 25/02/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luluzulu · 25/02/2011 20:39

you say how can i make my kids see thier dad for what he really is a waste of space- well i wouldnt bother if i were u they are not children anymore they are growing adults and will realize exactly what he is and if they dont yet then they will in a few years believe me. when they look back in hignsight they will see. but i wouldnt try and make them 'see' because that is all my mum ever used to say to me: dads a prick/ waste of space/ he likes his new wife better than his own kids etc.. and tbh it just made me feel worse, there is nothing like reinforcing how sad they already feel! just make sure(which i'm sure you do) they know how much YOU love them and focus on yourselves, trying to make him do something he doesnt want to do will only make you and your kids feel worse. as long as they know YOU are there for them and supporting them emotionally then i dont think they could ask for much more. and as for the ex's new gf just try and keep her out of your lives as much as possibe.your situation is in some ways similar to what i have lived through and it IS hard so best of luck to you all overcoming this one.

luluzulu · 25/02/2011 20:44

sorry for going on but i wouldnt worry too much about the age of them all living together i was 18 when i was thrown/moved out and i took my 16 year old sister with me because we wanted to stick by each other, we lived quite happily and responsibily together for 6 years and she is my closest friend

Original poster
sweetkitten · 25/02/2011 21:40

thank you so much, i am going to follow your advice luluzulu and see how it goes :D

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