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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How much freedom do you give 16yr olds?

9 replies

sarva · 13/02/2011 11:56

Hello,
My 16yr old DD is still at school, but recently got in with slightly older crowd and going to parties on w/e where there is alcohol, often ending up s/o at friends and coming come te next day looking rough and stinking of smoke. Have had all usual chats re alcohol, drugs, sex etc and she assures me nothing to worry about. Just not sure if I am being too trusting... Any other parents having similar issues?

OP posts:

Tortington · 13/02/2011 12:02

i think it is all about 'managing' the situation when it gets to this stage.

i would tell my children - now 21 and 17 tr old twins- that they were to tell me, i would drop them off and pick them up.

i absolutley needed to know where they were, i knew they were going to do it - so i managed the situation rather that screaming and shouting - so that they would tell me some bullshit lie - like i told my mother - and end up drinking and passed out in some park - or in some sexual situation they didn't want to be in.

i have always always told mine that it doesn't matter if they ring me at 3am, it doesn't matter if they hae been to a party - if they lied to me - what i care about most in this world is thema nd their safety, so ofcourse if they lied - i am going to be angry, but the message i tried to get across to them is that i didn't want this to ever preent them from ringing me if they got in a situation they found themeselves out of control.

so i think its a credit to my parenting that yes, they will tell me where they are going and with whom, and what they are likely to be doing - when they were first going to parties and such i would say to them that i would only agree if i could take them int he car and pick them up - then i knew at what location they would be etc.

to me it was all about managing their safety and them knowing that they could absolutley trust me to be there for them if they got into something stupid

IloveJudgeJudy · 13/02/2011 12:03

I have a 16 year-old DS. He has stayed overnight on occasion, but I have known who with. Sometimes I have not actually met the people, but he has been at school with them a long time and I have heard the names throughout his school years.

Mostly, though, he does not stay out overnight, or if he does, it is with someone whom I actually know. I don't check with the parents, but he has always been where he has said he's going to be.

I would just ask your DD where exactly she is going and who she's going with. I would also get the word "trust" in your chats quite a lot. My parents did that with me and it did make me think a lot about what I was doing.

Original poster

sarva · 13/02/2011 13:45

Yes, I agree with both of you, but really worried now as friend she was staying last night phone is going to answer-machine as is her mobile and no reply to my texts, so not sure where she is right now - she's not been in touch since yeterday eve.

OP posts:

MABS · 13/02/2011 14:09

just getting into this with 16 year old dd, am not coping well!!

Original poster

sarva · 13/02/2011 17:44

She appeared about 3.30 with 2 of her friends saying her phone ran out of battery. Still thinking about punishment. Really not enjoying this phase.

OP posts:

lazymumofteenagesons · 13/02/2011 22:41

When they stay over I try and get them to text me when they arrive at the house, even if it is very late, and to text me the land line of where they are.

Original poster

sarva · 14/02/2011 10:19

Hi, yes that makes so much sense - the landline was not working at the friend's house but still annoyed she couldn't have used her friend's mobile which presumably could have been charged.

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 14/02/2011 10:25

I always take the land line number of where they will be too. DS knows to text on arrival and also a text to say when he is on his way home. I also have a couple of his friends' numbers too so I can usually get hold of someone if I need to.

I also quiz him (and his friends about their plans). Any inconsistencies in their stories means I usually withdraw permission for DS to attend (usually some house party that the parents know nothing about).

northangerabbey · 14/02/2011 11:53

DS has to give us the name address and landline of the person whose party it is.

He was at a party on Sat night and had arranged to sleepover (12 of them on some poor woman's living room floor), came back yesterday after two hours sleep apparently not the worse for wear.

Oh to be young again, have no hangovers and survive on two hours sleep

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