Coping with an extremely rude teenager

[GospelTruth]

I have to live with my extremely rude, arrogant, ignorant teenage daughter aged 17.
No matter how nice I am she always replies in a nasty way and just tells me to shut, she has started calling me names recently, does'nt use bad language, does'nt drink, smoke or do drugs, so why is she so damn rude. I just wanted to know if anyone else has a similar problem as you sometimes feel you are the only one suffering verbal abuse for no apparent reason. She is a totally different person in front of her friends, butter would'nt melt.
Most of the time I am a happy upbeat person but my DD makes me sad and fed up, should I stop speaking to her, it's pointless arguing.

Something must be wrong with her - are you sure she's as innocent as you make out?

She's old enough to know how to behave with respect, so I suggest there's an underlying issue.

Is all this quite recent?

Is she working?

Keeeeel her.

DD1 was foul at the same age (for no apparent reason) she couldn't stand me in particular and I got the brunt of it all. Spending some time alone together actually helped and I decided that I wouldn't take it so personally, although I did challenge rudeness and didn't just put up with it.

I'm not sure why DD1 was so bad it was as if she was trying to break away from me but because she wasn't really ready to be independent she was taking it out on me. She went away to university and is now a civilised human being again. Is your DD working or still in education Gospeltruth?

DD2 was a bit like this at 17,18 and even 19, She didn't actually start doing the moody teenage stuff until she was 15 so took a while to get through it, She is now 21 and at uni. She sometimes phones me just for a chat. Something I thought would never happen a couple of years ago,

Thanks so much for your replies, it has helped a great deal to understand my DD especially webwiz's experience, very similar to mine. DD is at college and works part time, I do challenge her rudeness but it falls on deaf ears and I hate having to argue when it is over nothing. One thing I have noticed DD does not have a sense of humour takes everything too seriously, if she lightened up maybe she would be easier to live with. She is the same on holiday makes it a misery for the whole family and excludes herself. Just have to grim & bear it for another year or so until uni, still love her though which is difficult to understand when she seems to hate me.

God, it's so hard, isn't it. This is the very last thing we all wanted when we gave birth to these beautiful children.

I remember how I felt about my parents when I was a teenager and, despite all my best-laid plans, I see echoes of the same irritation/ loathing/ exasperation/ utter contempt in the way my daughters sometimes treat me and speak to me.

It's so sad, but I also do think it is normal. I agree that it's their way of pushing away and separating themselves as they gear up towards an independent life.

I have a threshold though, for what I will tolerate and if one of them steps over it, I come down on them like a ton of bricks. Quite rightly, I think. We make HUGE sacrifices for these children and I'm only human and have my limits. I won't be a push-over. It wouldn't be any good for their character anyway, if I was... We love our children but no-one else will put up with someone who thinks it's ok to behave like a complete arse.

gospeltruth This contempt thing seems normal. The new generation are a particularly fortunate one in so many ways (better health etc) but they don't have much empathy for others. They seem to have a humanity by-pass or something. Not just against parents either. Other teenagers cop it at times too. They are not a very kind generation it seems to me.Rant over.
Maybe you need to cut down on the amount of time you are with your daughter? Just don't be there when she wants to lash out at someone. Let someone else take the flak IYSWIM