The Everybody else?s mum syndrome
(You re not alone)
You know the paragon of course who?s brill and fab and ace -
She?s ?everybody else?s mum?- to her sex, a disgrace.
She never loses patience - she lets her kids run riot -
Mars bars, choc ice and chewing-gum comprise their staple diet.
She harbours in her kitchen a multitude of rubbish -
A bike in bits, a hedgehog (dead) - the things all children cherish.
She doesn?t mind a mess at all, nor wonder what the smell is
When they?ve been playing at the farm and something?s on their wellies
Yes, everybody else?s mum is certainly astuter,
She doesn?t interfere at all when they?re on the computer.
She waits until their game is through then dutifully calls,
?Your lunch is on the table boys ? it?s Penguins and mint balls.?
In fact if they?re not ready, she has been known to say,
?Don?t bother coming down, me dears, I?ll fetch it on a tray.?
But one day I went shopping, to get their ginger wine,
And came across three other mums whose children play with mine.
They all gave me a funny look, then one ventured to say,
?We wish that we can be like you when children come to play.?
?My Jason thinks you?re brilliant,? ?My Leo thinks so too.?
?My Jack says that you?re never cross, no matter what they do.?
Imagine how surprised I was
To learn from these poor mothers
That ?everybody else?s mum?
Was ME to all the others.