Appalling memory

[mummyflood]

I'm just about at the end of my tether with DS2, 15.

He seems to have mush where his memory should be. Examples - last term he received 3 detentions in separate subjects for not handing in homework. In one or two of them he had done it but just forgotten to hand it in and then forgotten again when given an extension. On the other he had not done it at all. This happened again last Friday. Forgot to do the homework, so obviously didn't hand it in. Then forgot again the following day. Then forgot to go to see the teacher at lunchtime to explain. Ultimately received a lunchtime detention. BTW I am 99% certain it IS bad memory and not deliberately playing up etc.

Now the parents evening slip. Has had it for about a week, forgotten every day to hand it in. Last time he kept forgetting to ask for appointments resulting in me not getting to see a couple of teachers I particularly wanted to speak to.

Whatever we ask him to do, eg strip his bed, walk the dog, etc - 'ok, will do it in 5', 9 times out of 10 forgets.

Had a meeting with his HOY last term, to talk about my concerns that he was forgetting to actually go to detentions - ironic since the detentions were given for forgetting something in the first place! He was also forgetting to give me the slip notifying me that he had a detention.

Yesterday and today he has walked out of the house without his packed lunch - another very regular occurence.

We have given him a memo board to write on, he obviously has a planner, have suggested he set reminders on his phone, that he gets his bag ready the previous evening and double-checks he has everything...all to no avail. He has to stay behind an hour tonight along with several classmates to re-sit a P.E. theory test, am expecting him to forget to stay to be honest.

It is worrying me enormously that he is obviously in his GCSE years, and if he cannot remember simple routine things, heaven help him when he has to recall all the information for exams. Do I just leave him to it and allow the school to sanction him however they see fit, remove all his electronics for an extended length of time....help or punish?? I am totally at a loss....Please, HELP!!

How long has he been like this? If it's really as bad as you say I think I would take him to the doctors. You say you're 99% sure he's not playing up so you can't punish him for this.

Is this a new thing?

dd 11 is dyslexic but that involves short term sequential memory and sequencing rather than reading spelling etc

The way the Ed Psyc explained it is if there was a twenty pound note on offer that would reward her for remembering something she would remember, but she would have to make an effort.However if it is not important to her eg strip bed she won't.

I am in the process of trying to help her work out how she remembers/learns best.
She is relieved to know why she forgets things.

The hard thing is to let them deal with the consequences, forgotten lunch means she has to deal with the problem and that may be no lunch at all...

I would'nt punish her and school are aware but at home when she says "I'll do it in 5"(drives me mad cos I have to keep reminding)and forgets repeatedly I do explain that this is not an option next time,she has to remember things if she wants that freedom next time

My DS was like this. He is now 16 and has only recently started being more responsible with his time management. He is probably distracted by doing more interesting and fun things and homework, etc in his brain really comes bottom of the list when you can be doing something else.

I find constant reminders and access to his homework diary helped. I never let him have the opportunity to do something else if homework, etc had not been done.

DS1 is like this too, he;s 14. Had parents evening lst night and found that most of his science home work hasn't been handed in. His teacher was quite shocked when I said he had definitely done it, as I have seen it. Basically he has just forgotten to hand it all in!

He has, on more than one occasion, gone to school without his school bag. Also forgot to put his blazer on last week.

However, funnily enough he can remember when he's fave tv programmes are on and when the latest xbox game is out.

I have decided to give up naghging and one day he will hopefully remember stuff that he feels to be important!

I have to smile that it seems to be the lads getting a bashing here. I am a 40 year old man and still forget things on occasion - as a teenager I was probably a nightmare for my Mum.

I have three kids who I bring up half of the time on my own. The eldest is 20 and is away at Uni - how he survives is beyond me. My daughter is 16 and forgots plenty - or at least chooses to prioritise things before what she should actually be doing.

My youngest son is most like me and we regularly have to nip to his mum's house to pick up things that he should have brought on the Friday "transfer".

If it is any consolation I have managed (despite this terrible affliction) to carve out a decent career and work for myself doing something I really enjoy.

Just remember what matters to you is highly unlikely to be top of the list of priorities to a 15 year old boy.

My DH is like this too - regularly forgets to take his wallet, phone, to fill the car with petrol, book annual leave, loosing jackets, coats etc etc.

However he is, and always has been fabulous academically and is very successful in his profession.
He basically needs people around at home and work to help him organise and remember day to day things. Perhaps your son is like this & just needs a bit of assistance in being organised. We have launch pads by the doors, regular on-line diary checks - and emergency money/cards stashed for when he forgets his wallet!

Thanks guys for all the very interesting replies. It sounds then that it's far from uncommon and could be basically teenage boy-itis! I can identify most with verybored's post - those examples sound very similar to my DS!

If I think about it, the forgetfulness has coincided with me starting a new part-time job which involves him and DS1, 17, being at home after school for about 1hr 30mins until I get in. I did ask him some weeks ago was he comfortable with me doing this - up until now the jobs I have had have meant that I have always been at home when they come in. He says he is fine with it - has been about 4 months now. When I spoke to his HOY, she felt it was probably the transition from Yr9 to Yr10 which was proving to be difficult/unsettling, but there has been a recent upsurge and this time neither of those are the excuse surely.

The good news is, he remembered to stay for his re-test tonight. I asked him what he thinks he or we should do to aid his memory, and he basically re-capped on everything he has already tried, i.e. memo board, setting reminders on his phone, using his planner more, etc. He also reckons he is going to spend a lot less time on Facebook - music to my ears, the work of the devil IMO!! and pack his school bag the night before (another old chestnut)

DS is 14.

I think his head is installed up his arse half the time.

Oh I forgot this one.

When Ds was about 7 he had PE as last lesson.

He came out of school without his trousers.

I feel your pain! DS ( 15 ) forgets things all the time, too. Sometimes it's an avoidance strategy but I'm sure it's not always that.

I read somewhere that teenage brains are going through another rapid growth in development ( as in toddlerhood) and they can't process things in the same way as an adult but they are busy reprogramming from childhood thinking to adult thinking. This also, apparently, explains the need to sleep a lot.

I have always had a wonderful talent for forgetting things that make me uncomfortable. Could remember irregular verbs and Shakespeare monologues with great ease, but forget that dental appointment...

It is not deliberate, but I have learnt as an adult that I must allow for this tendency and keep careful lists of what I have to do.