Son hates sister.

[vickyw11]

My 12 year old son just doesn't "get" his 9 year old sister. Last night they had a big argument (something over nothing as usual) and this morning I found a list written in his room why he hates his sister. They are just silly, childish reasons like she has no friends, she's selfish, she's always moaning etc.

Do I pretend that I haven't seen this or do I leave it on his bed so he knows I've seen it? Is it worth starting another argument?

It has really upset me to think that he can be like this because to everyone else he is a really polite boy.

I wouldnt worry too much about it, although I know from experience it feels awful. I definitely wouldnt confront him about the list, I assume it was meant to be private and he wont appreciate your having seen it. Maybe you can approach it without mentioning the list. One way may be to make a positive comment when he does something even vaguely nice for or with his sister, something like "you know, you are really good with x, I know sometimes little sisters can be a bit much" that way you acknowledge his feelings but not in a negative way. Sometimes stuff like this stems from jealousy or feeling a lack of attention, so maybe giving more attention wil help.

Thanks for that. I will put notebook back where I found it. He can be really nice to her. He even said that when we move she can have the biggest bedroom 'cos it means so much to her. I think it might stem from a bit of jealousy because she's a daddy's girl. I think me and my husband need to have a chat about him spending a bit more time with our son.

Maybe occasionly why not just you and him go out for meal together. I did this with my eldest son and it did wonders for our relationship. He chatted about all sorts of stuff and I think he felt quite grown up ordering for both of us, asking for the bill - all that sort of thing. DS was the same age as your lad when we started doing this and he is 14 1 / 2 now. We go out about once a month.