DD thinks she's gay

[DELHI]

DD age 12,told me yesterday she had 'feelings' for one of her female friends, age 11. She'd texted Friend asking how Friend would feel if DD had 'a crush' on her. Friend came back "yuck, thats gross etc" and DD was really upset. She also told me she did a "Are you a Lesbian?" quiz on line, and then followed the advice "tell her how you feel about her" Now DD is really confused - worried she's alienated Friend, worried that Friend will talk about it, (they're at different schools so unlikely), worried she's gay. DD has had a bit of trouble settling into secondary school since Sept. and I'm wondering if she's focussing on Friend, because she's not got good mates at school and feels a bit left out. I've no reason to think she's gay, and also she's probably too young to know yet - just on the cusp of puberty. I warned her against texting anything she wouldn't say to someone's face, as it's open to misunderstandings, and also begged her to talk to me rather than look for dodgy info on the internet. We are very close, so i think she will in future .
have I done the right thing?
How else can I help her?

oh dear...ur definitely more liberal than i am. i might pass out with shock if dd came up with dat.she's great to come to u to discuss it. i would love dat kind of rship with my dd.
for now, encourage her to face her studies.any further action will depend on her how u view these issues

I think you handled it well. Encourage her to keep talking to you about her feelings.
I'd steer clear of saying (or even really thinking) things like 'I have no reason to think she's gay' because you have a massive reason to think that - the fact that she has told you she thinks she is! At 12 its very likely that she will be quite confident in feeling different and although she may turn out to not be gay still, its very important to take her curent feelings seriously.

Just tell her it's normal to be gay and it's also normal to have a crush at this age and not to be gay. Make sure she knows it's no big deal but also say better to talk to you while she's young, not to people at school, where it will go round like wildfire at this age, which won't help her at all.

Thanks for your replies.
Tallulah," I've no reason to think she's gay," because she didn't say she thinks she is, she was just very confused about her feelings. She hasn't had any other crushes on anyone else, and couldn't really out her finger on what these 'feelings' abut her friend amounted to. I don't know whether its something or nothing

nigh on same circumstances. my dd 14 has(last week) told me she thinks she is bisexual/gay. doesnt really know. has a massive crush on hayley williams (of Paramoure)we have talked and she says she feels different (can't expand on that)I have explained to her that her sexuality isnt set in stone at present and that she might not know until late teens whether she is attracted to girls/boys or both. ive told her that no matter what we will love her. also told her to be careful who she discusses this with (teens nowadays i feel have a penchant for sharing everything at times!!)she told me she is not ashamed and why shouldnt she tell friends. i have advised/reminded her that some things are private and do not need to be shared. explained that some people may not be so understanding as sometimes teens can be relentless in their pursuit of others who are different to them. Must add though when talking to dh asked him was he shocked/surprised/how he felt as he didnt really show any expression. he told me with a straight face (and meant it !!)that nothing surprises him now and he just tries to go with the flow. and that as far as he is concerned is that, and i suppose he is right really !!
we all love our children and want them to be happy in themselves don't we ?

Hi DELHI,

I had the same thing a month ago. My daughter is nearly 13, and told us that she thinks she is 'Bi'. I was shocked but we talked about it, and told her that we love her no matter what. And if this is who she is, so be it. Her whole demeanor changed. She seemed happy and relieved. She is in a family of me, Mum, and a Stepdad. She hasnt told anyone else. I did suggest that she keeps it to herself for the time being,until she's older, purely for the fact of people's narrowmindedness, and it would put more pressure on her.

I hope everything will be ok xx

My DD's were telling me about a girl in school who has told everyone she is a lesbian. She tried to kiss her bf. My dd's and a friend who car shares were so open and positive in their discussion of what had gone on, I was really proud of them. However, I do think it's going to be very difficult for the girl as she will now be labelled for the rest of her school time. Also, my DD had been talking to her at some point in the playground and she hasn't told her parents as she doesn't know what to say. I'm not sure if the above story is helpful but I think the fact that your DD can speak to you about this is huge and a safe place for your DD to discuss her feelings. Good Luck x

i feel for you and your daughter, not because i'm against her being ay but for the prejiduce and homophobia she may get if she does spread she's gay. she's only 12 and she shoudl keep it to herself for a while, just until she's sure.
i think your handling this really well, good luck!