Teens who lose stuff! Argh!

[FreudianSlippery]

X posted with parenting board:

Do you replace stuff straight away?

If they were my DCs (they are DH's) I'd get them to pay at least part of it out of pocket money and/or extra chores, but they live with their mum who doesn't give pocket money or give them extra for chores (apparently that's begging ) so what to do?

So basically DH's DD lost ANOTHER garment and apparently that's DH's fault because she was with him at the time. FFS, 12 is old enough to be responsible for that kind of thing isn't it? I mean she gets herself to school on her own etc. Bless her she's quite disorganised, has been getting better though. Mostly!

So what do you do? I'd be tempted to say in future if you lose something you pay for it, at least partly, but I don't see how that can work as DH's exW has very different views about money.

It's not that I mind getting them stuff they need - I love taking them shopping and contributing in useful ways - but we are not at all well off so suddenly facing a demand for replacement stuff is quite hard at times. I'm sure if we could enforce a consistent rule it'd be better but I don't know how to go about it.

Any ideas?

My DSS was/is one these. He has not had house keys for the last few years because he has lost 4! sets and at £20 a time we cannot keep replacing them. So he has to text to make sure we're in and if not, which doesn't happen often, has to loiter till we get back.

I'm afraid, in my experience anyway, there is not much you can do. We have replaced several PE kits, school bags, text books, coats etc and each made sure that he admits that they are his things and it was his fault not anyone elses. Now he has some money of his own (EMA)he seems to be very careful with the things he buys. But I would never have replaced someething he could live without, mobile, ipod.

As for there being different rules in the other home, we always said that when he was with us our rules applied. It's about consistancy I suppose, your DDS needs to know where she stands with you and DH as does her mother.

Good luck.

If it's not essential ie school uniform then I wouldn't replace.
Have you had a conversation with dd about it?
Give her more responsbility, sometimes at that age it will help pull her up if you see what I mean.

What her mother does is what her mother does it's different to what you do that's all.

Oh gosh, I don't miss this Dd1[22] was always losing stuff, keys, purses, PE kits, football boots, more keys, calculators, more keys, driving licence. It seemed to be endless. One school jumper turned up 12 months after she lost it.

She still loses stuff now but doesn't live at home anymore so not such an issue for us.

Dd2 rarely loses stuff but is always dropping her phone, ipod and other gadgets.

We don't replace everything, had to change the locks 3 times but managed to share with my sister who also had a teen at the same time LOL.

Dd2's old phone was stuck together with selotape in the end, but she had to wait for her birthfay.

I am a cruel heartless mother .

Ds usually limits his losses to games/PE uniform. Just last week it was brand new football boots which I refuse to replace (can't afford it anyway) and rugby shirt (wasn't his as his was taken/picked up and taken presumably by the person that left his own for my Ds to bring home , no name in it, but my Ds's was all name tagged and they have their initials embroidered on the front, but still didn't turn up).
Ds doesn't get pocket money, so I can't make him replace these items himself.

Just makes my blood boil.

DD is 13 and always loosing stuff, now I do not replace. The last time she lost her PE kit, it came out of her pocket money and she had to wait until I was next in town. She has lost 3 keys for the front door which we have had to replace as DH and myself work, so she can get in, even had a key safe fitted, but she leaves the combination on show, so no good there. Now have made it very clear that it comes out of pocket money if things are lost.

ds (just 14) now has to go without or pay for lost stuff himself

my biggest bugbear with him is goggles (he's a swimmer) - he has the racing ones which are nearly 20 quid a go and he seems intent on leaving a pair at every pool we go to ....

He's on his 3rd pair this year

I tell him that if he wants to waste his birthday money like that, it's his lookout ...

apparently I'm weird for making him replace things as 'nobody else's parents do ..'

A 12 year old isn't a teenager. Seems a bit young to be making her pay for lost clothes, tbh. I can't imagine making my DS pay for lost clothes at 12 (he's 8 now).

A lost Nintendo DS or toy might be another matter.

Basildonbond! we're only a month in!
Ds is 12. When I go back to work, he'll be 13, but hopefully 14 and I'll have to have a key safe as I don't trust him with keys ~ not that he's ever had a set, but still...

Dearprudence, I think the earlier/younger the better within reason (obviously not an 8yo, but certainly 10/11). They need to know money doesn't grow on trees IMO. I didn't lose things as a child. The one and only lesson I had to be taught was my prized doll. I left her out on the balcony and Mum saw it and hid it for absolutely ages. I was devastated but I never did it again. I was 8. Money was very short and I know that both Mum and Dad went without to give me that doll for Christmas.

Before my Dad died, he said he wanted to buy my Ds's secondary school uniform and the fact (silly or not) that Ds doesn't take care of it and has lost various pieces of it makes me really sad and annoyed.

I do that too Cat, he looks everywhere, but to no avail. Makes me so that other kids have no respect for others property too.

Ah, thank god it's not just my son!

I feel a bit better for getting angry at him now but is sooo annoying!

NEVER REPLACE IT.
The only thing they really need replacing is a door key. Either replace that or leave them out in the cold until you get in from work.
The only way they will learn is the hard way.
Make it their problem, not yours

It's me (Auntie) who's always loosing things (but not 'forever', just misplacing things)..!

My 13 year old nephew couldn't find his locker key the 1st day back to school after summer hols!!

(I'm new here, is there an introductions page or profiles please?)

i had a seive for a brain at 12 yo, really i did.

my mum went out every friday - EVERY friday, yet eery fridya i forgot, and ended up ringing a family member becuase i didn't know where my mum was and she was v. annoyed about that

i was also expected to clean the kitchen - only once a week on a wednesday when she was at work.

and i forgot

every week

i forgot

i think its a brain thing. but i do think that kids have to know the value of money - and well, if you haven't got the money - you haven't got it and she will hae to wait until you do

I wonder how many of these children/adults who lose so much are actually mildly dyspraxic so it is harder for them to not be so "careless"

Auntie - no introductions page or anything just join in on any thread.......

my dd (15) has just lost a PE Prefect uniform that she paid 30+ quid of her own money for

she only had it a few weeks

should I let her replace it ?

she will be using money she has earned in a PT job, but which really she needs for holiday clothes

the job has finished for now, so money she spends will no be replaced until her birthday next winter

it isn't an essential item, btw, an extra

Sounds fairly normal for a 12 year old. DD3 19 still loses things from time to time but she does usually manage to find them again. She is dysprasic though.