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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

overhead DS's phonecall and......

22 replies

porkypoo · 24/01/2011 18:25

I cant say im impressed! I recently banned DS (14) PS3 for a dishonesty reason, and obviously he is angry. But he tried to get back today and we ended up having another row (im not giving in on this one!)

So the phone rings for him and he proceeds to tell his mate everything, clearly thinks im as thick as two short planks and will definately give in eventually (how wrong he is)

Do I admit that I was listening? Im really upset. I dislike this mate of his anyway and now have a good mind to ban the phone too! But I suppose he need to vent to someone? Help!

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 18:29

dont be silly. you just ignore it as the bravado that it is from a 14 year old to his mate.

TBH you sound really petty. you dont have to like his mates, he is entitled to talk to friends whetehr you liek them or not.

Acanthus · 24/01/2011 18:32

Why on earth shouldn't he tell his friend? It's normal, natural.

HattiFattner · 24/01/2011 18:41

you are on here venting - should I confiscate your PC??

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 18:45

he was f ing and blinding too which i dont agree with. Maybe i am being petty, but I dont think that it was nice at all. I dont mind him talking to his friends, just not in this way, he is always so secretive when this particular person calls.....I just have a bad feeling about him.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 18:47

well then ask him about that. dont just ban his entire phone use. and dont dripfeed on here eitehr. very frustrating when you reply to a post only to hear 800 posts later (ok 3) that it is a completely different scenario than was first explained.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 24/01/2011 18:53

rise above it, ignore the secondary behaviour, he's just showing off

and bitch on here about his mate - I don't like one of dd's friends (thankfully they're not as close now)

coldtits · 24/01/2011 18:54

to be fair, he was only doing what you're doing now ie bitching behind your back.

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 18:57

Thanks Laurie! I knew someone would understand where I was coming from! I dont post much on here so im not a pro yet!

His mate who only lives up the road, doesnt seem to have any boundaries and when he is grounded/banned mum/dad always give in after a day or two. We I am not going to be a walk over like that as it doesn't do them any good. But if I admit to hearing the swearing he will know I heard the rest! Blush

OP posts:
ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 24/01/2011 18:59

He's 14 you aren't supposed to like how he speaks with his friends and what they say!

If you don't like the friend - there's not much you can do about it and the more fuss you make the worse it will be. All you can do is make sure he doesn't have much 'flexible' time outside the house for a while, hopefully the mate will get 'bored' and find someone else to hang out with.

As for the phone call, there's no way I'd let on that I'd heard - at least when he's not being too careful you can hear & know what's going on.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 18:59

tbh if i over heard my child swearing on the phone i would just say there and then "oi stop that fucking swearing" Wink

well i would except i wouldn't swear when i would say it. why didn't you say then or were you earwigging on purpose?

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 19:04

It was the swearing that pricked my ears up, but the conversation was that interesting/shocking/hurtful, that I just couldn't bring myself to speak! I think said friend was suggesting other stuff to try, so I am waiting for these to rear their heads.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 19:11

what makes you think he was suggesting other stuff to try? other stuff like what?

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 19:22

I heard him say "I've tried that and it didnt work" and "If i did that she would just tell my dad and then I would really be in trouble ! She always f ing does that, tells Dad"

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 19:24

wrt the "i've tried that and it didn't work" how do you know the friend isn't advising him how to get along with you?

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 19:28

Cos he rang to find out if DS was going to be on his PS3

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 19:29

and? Confusedwhy does that mean he wasn't advising him how to get along with you?

Original poster
porkypoo · 24/01/2011 20:00

Well he could have I suppose, but when the next sentence is "If i did that she would just tell my dad and then I would really be in trouble ! She always f ing does that, tells Dad" I just assumed Hmm Just spoken to DH and we have both agreed that I am going deal with this, in a bid to gain some more respect from DS. fingers crossed.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/01/2011 20:07

tbh, i would forget all about whetehr you like the friend and whetehr you suspect teh friend is egging DS on. and just deal with whatever behaviour is presented infront of you. stop anticipating worse behaviour. it must be very stressful always expecting him to misbehave, trying to catch him out on the phone, second guessing what he is saying to friends, planning how to punish him (removing his use of the phone for nothing!!) and it can't be easy for him knowing that his mum is always expecting the worst from him.

how about calling it quits with this silly game of trying to outwit him and just enjoying him as your son. talk to him like a person rather than a nuisance.

RespectTheDoughnut · 24/01/2011 20:19

How are you going to earn respect by admitting to spying on him? Surely it doesn't matter if he swears to his friends if he thinks that you can't hear? That's not disrespectful of him, is it?

maryz · 24/01/2011 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IloveJudgeJudy · 25/01/2011 00:14

Absolutely agree with maryz. I have a DD (also 14) who I've deleted from our family computer with no effect whatsoever (apart from her not being able to go on awful social websites). It has not really changed the rest of her moody behaviour. I would be thankful that he's upset about your sanctions.

Also, if you heard him I wouldn't tell him otherwise he'll just become more secretive.

cory · 25/01/2011 10:02

It does seem a bit odd to complain about this on an internet forum which is mainly here to allow us, the adults, to vent about our family to people we perceive as our (virtual) friends.

I'm sure if dcs read some of my posts, they would want to confiscate my PC.

As our children grow up, we have to accept that there are areas of their lives that we should not have access to, and that we would find very upsetting if we did.

My take on swearing re teen children is:
"You know I do not like this and therefore I want you to respect that and not swear in front of me or in front of anyone else who might be upset by it. But you are growing up and have to make your own mind up about how you feel about swearing in general always provided you respect the feelings of the people you are talking to. If you are talking to somebody who does not mind swearing, then you have to decide for yourself what you want to do." This is how I deal with 10yo ds and 14yo dd. Works for us.

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