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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

time limits on xbox live for 13yr old boy

45 replies

MooMooFarm · 24/01/2011 13:43

Hi - DS got xbox live for Christmas and has gradually gone from playing on it now and then to wanting to do nothing else, literally. He doesn't even want friends round now because 'it's rubbish playing split-screen'. We thought we were being very reasonable by saying he could play it either before or after tea, as long as his homework was done and he'd showered & done anything else he needed to do.

However we've now had so many arguments and battles over him wanting to be on it for longer, that yesterday I set the family timer on it. He now has 2h30m a day max to play, which is roughly what I said he could have in the first place. However he is freaking out, saying that all his friends play it all night (sadly that does seem to be the case going by how much they are all online!).

I know I'll probably get flamed for allowing him that long, but I thought that would at least be sticking to what I originally agreed.

So, probably ridiculously, I am now feeling guilty - so was wondering if the general consensus is that I'm being out of order, or too soft, or about right? Thanks

OP posts:

hanwelljulie · 11/02/2011 20:37

good luck! Its sad, i used to really look forward to the weekends, and getting out and about and introducing my son to new experiences. now he doesnt want to go out the door with me, and I'm just dreading the inevitable arguments!

hanwelljulie · 11/02/2011 20:41

moomoo farm, i dont think you should feel guilty at all. you have set the time limit that might hopefully work for you and your family, it might seem a lot to people who say just an hour a day, but really is this workable??Good on you if you can stick to your guns, interested to hear how you get on

brambleschooks · 11/02/2011 21:01

My children know that they have to come off computer stuff by 6.30 on a week night, we limit time over the weekends. At a certain time of night I unplug a part of the router they haven't found a way round yet - also hardcore. I have removed various key parts of coputing equipment for crossing the line too.

vickyemm · 15/02/2011 17:13

i have the same problems with my 13 year old son he comes home from school in at 4 on COD comes down for his tea then back on COD till 8.45 and i know this is terrible and i know its wrong but when i suggest him coming off i get well all my friends are online which they are so he cant go out and hang out with them so he says what else is he ment to do and the friends Who arnt online are hanging round the streets not doing much anyway so what should we do for the best make him go and hang around on the streets play xbox or make him sit with me which im sure he wouldnt like to do i mean what 13 year old boy would and he is doing well at school but i know it cant be good for him being on the xbox for so long im hoping when the weather gets better he will start going out more.

Nell799 · 18/02/2011 16:13

My stepsons (14 & 16) play on the xbox from when they get home from school till when they go to bed, with a break for dinner. And all day at the weekend unless we arrange activities, or can get them out in the summer.

When they go to their mums, she works shifts, so they also spend all their spare time on the computer.

They have always spent this much time on the computers and I must admit, it winds me up, but I dont think they would know what to do with their time. When I first moved in we did try to restrict it (was PCs then), and even set up accounts with parental controls which kicked them off the Internet after x amount of time, but being Internet savvy kids, they got around the controls and the time limit dwindled out.

It does get taken away from them as a punishment, however, they are articulate, good grades, kind, will do chores when instructed, trustworthy, & the oldest works part time on top of college.

At the weekends, I try to arrange walks, cycling, gardening, spring cleaning (which they love for cash!)

I however would not allow my child (when I finally have one), to spend this amount of time online. I feel I came to late on the scene to change my stepchildrens behaviour from what they have been allowed to do.

AuntBeast · 18/02/2011 16:22

I think if you're not a gamer, it's hard to appreciate that you don't want to stop when you're at a really interesting stage or not at a save point, depending on the game.

Does everyone on this thread restrict their own use of Mumsnet?

Deaddei · 19/02/2011 13:26

We do not have an x box but have a wii and ps2.
Ds 11 is not allowed on either Monday to Thursday.
At the weekend, up to 2 hours.
He has nothing in his bedroom except his radio.
Today he has played 2 games of football for his team, and is going round to a mates for the afternoon.

27beet · 22/02/2011 00:14

I know someone with an xbox who tells me his friends are allowed to play cod all through the night on fridays and im a D*&^ Head for not being happy about him doing this. Whenever he has spare time he spends it on the xbox, regardless of what is going on. This person is my husband who has turned into an irratibe and aggressive man because of xbox. He has broken 2 hand controllers by hurling them at the wall which has left big black marks on the paintwork. it was my birthday last week and i got £60. He said he didnt have much money this month as he had to buy a NEW xbox, new controller and also had to pay £39.99 annual subs to xbox. Weve been together for 22 years but i seriously doubt it will make 23 if this is what my life has to be like.

wigglybeezer · 23/02/2011 11:37

we do weekend only in our house, only prob is that DS then does not want to leave the house at the weekend
!..Console is also in the living room which he has to vacate when DH and i want to watch telly.

Retrotone · 21/06/2011 17:10

Xbox is awesome..... Would you rather your children were out getting into all types of trouble (smoking, fighting, stealing and maybe even drugs). I know what I would prefer my son doing and it isn't anything between closed brackets, this does not apply to all but every parent seems to think their children are little angles when they're out and about with friends, well let me tell you this - THEY'RE NOT!.......

Anyhow I have my son on a 15 hour weekly limit, he can use 1 hour some evenings maybe 2-3 hours or he can save some extra online playing time for the weekend if he chooses he also only gets to watch films and games that I think are suitable for him, there are options in game menus that can take out graphical content that can make Call of duty & games alike look no worse than the 6 O'clock news.

Stop being a drag on your children and move with the times, technology changes and we change with it, maybe this is the only form of Evolution we can see.......

peace out. Xx

tere123 · 24/11/2013 00:14

My 10yr old son is xbox mad, he is on every minute of the day.He sneaks on it after lights out,he has become obnoxious,Moody,and unable to see fun in anything but his xbox.After much arguing have decided to limit this.My husband thinks cold turkey take it away,I think limit him see if he adheres to this then take it away if he doesn't.But I do like the fact he is online with his mates and they have great fun,it's just got out of hand.So tomorrow is the new regime,I just worry an addict will agree to anything to feed his addiction.

Kazzyv · 24/11/2013 00:24

Hi tere - when my ds was younger -17 now- we had cards with time on them. If he did something good or got good marks at school or whatever he would earn time on his play station. So he could have more playtime but he had to earn it. Older version of reward stickers I guess. Worked quite well for us

Lunas · 28/11/2013 15:25

It seems we are all in the same boat with this. It's so hard to get them off the screens. My DS loves it but I worry about the effect. We do limit him but he seems to just be marking time between goes and doesn't seem interested in much else. I keep suggesting after school clubs and other activities but he just doesn't want to, apart from one footy club a week.Anyone else been successful in getting them back to reality.

Aroundtheworldandback · 28/11/2013 18:48

Fedup4 your comment that "the problem is they have no other interests"- Exactly. The Xbox ruins and steals their lives, takes away other interests. I wonder how long it will be untill it comes with a warning, similar to cigarettes.

Some boys can take or leave it, my ds 13 can't leave it. He is not allowed whatsoever on a school night because by his own admission, so strong is the pull, he cannot even trust himself not to rush or 'forget' his homework. He has now bought himself the new play station (more fool me) and as he puts it, is the only thing in life he is looking forward to. Does not want to come skiing at xmas because he sees it as hours lost. Well tough!

Preciousbane · 28/11/2013 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 30/11/2013 04:11

We don't have set time limits but as we are all gamers there is enough competition that it's not really a huge issue. I don't see the xbox as intrinsically bad, although my preference is for the Wii. Our consoles are in the family room, and i quite enjoy listening to ds (14) talk to his mates, but he is not allowed to buy games I find offensive (COD, Grand Theft Auto) and he knows we are in earshot so I'm sure his language is guarded. Recently he let his live membership lapse as he's moved into PC gaming now mostly and his on line friends are into games he doesn't much like (mainly the shooters / crime games above which he says are boring).

Carbrajus3 · 22/06/2016 01:29

Mom you're not alone,,,i hate these xbox..i wish they develop a remote for moms to turn off, my son now older teen thats all he does. I signed him up to gym, went lil not much, plays lil basketball wuth friends after i yell enough. It got so bad my son never did homework, talked back to me, up later behind my back, kids here daily, more frustrated and disrespectful, chore day is less than 5 mins nows i had to hire a housekeeper for help. I am now sending son out state top military academy he has such potential and usually a great kid this yr pushing limits..unplug modem, they fet bored quicker, invite take his friends to a movie and out water ice . Just get him out. Stay strong, he'll try to get in power struggle. Write house rules and both sign if breaks no xbox next day DON'T GIVE IN. ,, God bless

NancyAllanKrank · 20/12/2018 00:59

Wow most of you people are horrible. Just let your kid play his game. Let him play for a couple hours after he gets home, mention homework once or twice (don't force him to do it), and then let him play for as long as he wants for the rest of the day. This teaches him responsibility. He'll learn a good time to stop and do homework/chores/go to sleep. Never. EVER. Take away his game. Kids make their friends through video games nowadays. If their grades start to slip, just mention homework and sleep more often. Never bug them about it. Honestly some of you people make me sick. Especially you PollyMorfic. 45 minutes is literally nothing at all. What is he doing the remaining 4-6 hours of the day he has left after school? I'm honestly disgusted by each and every one of you. You gave no clue how to raise children.

misterginger · 21/12/2018 15:33

Interesting other people's methods.

I have full control as I have a password .

I allow my DS16 on 2-3 times a week for 1 - 2 hours a week each time, certrainly not every day. I think thats plenty!

He also has an iphone, where I control 45 mintues social media via parent control! Then "downtime" around 8 p.m. Apple have all these new controls via "Screentime".

People might think thats strict but its really a couple of hours a day, which is plenty. He has his football, his homework, his chores and his social life as well to fit in as well. I think its sad when teens spend all their free time on this kind of stuff, though I know many would do given half a chance.

Oblomov18 · 28/12/2018 14:31

Bain of our lives. Dh despises it. Our 2 do little else other than play football, go to gym, occasionally meet mates.

But tbf I MN for endless hours, so can't criticise.

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