Found a packet of contraceptive pills in my 17y/o bag

[curlychick16]

Not completely surprised but was hoping for some advise how to approach the subject. I shouldn't have been looking !!

We have had lots of conversations about the topic which is why I was surprised I hadnt been involved...but I am proud of her...

Have never used Mumsnet before and would like to say you have been very supportive and have made me feel better...Its hard when they grow up...:)

can i ask, why were you snooping if you thought she was open with you?

I wasnt snooping exactly I was tidying her bag {blush}

(blush)

got it in the end !!!!

awww, well in that case i would just say "when i was tidying out your bag i saw you've gone on the pill, are you still using condoms aswell?" she will probably go bright red and yell "Muuuuum!!" but i think it is ok to ask taht she is taking care of teh STI side of things and not just depending on the pill.

I urge you NOT to bring this up with her. If you've had other discussions about boyfriends, etc, then it's obvious you make yourself available for her to chat to about things.

Be proud of bringing her up to be responsible, allow yourself to be a bit sad that she'd growing up and obviously wishes to have some privacy. But rummaging through your childrens' things is something you can get away with up to the age of about 9/10 - then they start to get far more of a feeling of territory and enjoy some privacy and independence.

She may feel untrusted and judged if she finds out you've been snooping. It could really damage the relationship. I would have hated that at 17. If she wanted to talk to you about it, she would have initiated it by now.

Tidying her bag? Pull the other one.

Does she have a steady boyfriend? The most I'd say is "you are being careful, aren't you dear?"

Incidentally, I was on the pill at 16 without telling my parents because I had terribly irregular and painful periods. But I didn't tell them because I thought it was none of their business - they'd given me the info I needed to be safe when I did have sex. I was using that info, so really there was nothing to discuss. If anything the fact I didn't need to discuss it showed how well they'd educated me!

am laughing myself about the whole tidying thing !!! Missmehalia you are right...she knows she can talk to me...and often does, and I just have to accept that she is her own person now :(....and I too have always been protective of my privacy and would have hated anyone snooping in my things...so I will have to adhere to the old addage "do unto others as you would want others to do unto you" :)

It's probably worth telling her that you read on Mumsnet today that the Family Planning clinic do free condoms for all. And also look up where the nearest one to you is and the hours :)

and welcome to MN

My DD is 24 and we have a very open relationship. I still wouldn't look in her bag though.

She recently asked me to help her pack for a night away with her boyfriend, threw 4 condoms in the bag and said "...and don't read anything into how many I've just packed!"

I agree with the Visitor - although I understand the need to rummage in her bag. But now you've found the very thing that should put your mind at rest, don't make her tell you all about it if she doesn't want to - just be thankful she's got her head screwed on.

I was on the pill at 16 for very very bad periods. I didn't have sex for a few years after that either

curlychick - if my dd1(age 18) found contraceptive pills in my handbag and decided to brooch the subject of me having sex (we are of course both over the age of consent) I would be mortified that she wanted to talk about my sex life.

Do you really want your dd asking you about your sex life with her dad/bf/lover? hmm weird

fab though that you have raised a sensible girls who knows where to get contraceptions from and has organised that herself - I have a friend who at 35 couldn't sort it all out and after two morning after pills I took her to FP

why were you snooping, shes 17 and being responsible leave her be!

I'd have a general talk about how even if using the pill its sensible to use condoms as well to protect against STIs and as back up incase she forgets a pill.

I'd see if there is a C-card scheme in your area where a young person can use the card at drop in clinics and Drs surgeries, etc to get free condoms and if so I'd get her a card.

My dd and I would go in each others bags ..in fact we swap bags a lot.
If she really wanted to hide something from me she def wouldn't put it in her bag.

I wouldn't mention the pills - at least that is very sensible - but at some point I'd have a very general chat about how only condoms can protect against nasty diseases...