My (amazing) son was attacked by his Dad; has only just recovered. Dad now threatening his education. Need advice.

[StillShellshocked]

Do you know - or know ANYONE who DOES know - a Personal Injury lawyer who will help my child? Situation is desperate & urgent.

3 years ago, my eldest child revealed that she and my now 16 year old son were repeatedly physically abused by my husband when they were 9/10 & 6/7 respectively.

We were separated before reconciling and it was on weekend visits where these attacks took place. No, I had no clue - none. He was the 'best Dad' and is a 'normal' man to all who knew/know him, there was NOTHING to suggest capable of what he did. They were punched in the back of the head, in the stomach, places where no marks made. And yes, I still feel awful I had no clue, and suspect I will to my grave.

When eldest child told, as a family we had literally just moved to Scotland and they had lost their (very good) state school places here (here being the area that was home to them). When I left him/returned here, I HAD to put them into private schools as their good state places gone, plus their pastoral needs (obviously) were paramount and they needed small classes with close attention to see how they coping. Once freed by 'telling', my eldest daughter once home became desperatly ill, she was hospitalised for over a month; she was suicidal, self-harming, & had a deep depression. She is now, thankfully, recovered, well and happy, but the trauma of all is impossible to communicate, including the impact on her brother of her illness etc.

I have no clue how or why my Husband did what he did, all I do know is the damage has been immense and my sole goal is to take care of my children/their needs. After a couple of very tough years, my son is finally happy, settled, great circle of friends at school, doing amazingly academically too. I am very proud of him, and of me and those that have seen him through - it has been a nightmare, one you 'know' will 'never' happen to you. I do not know how I have coped, but you just do as you have no choice but to SOMEHOW cope. I have fought for and protected my children like a lioness, and clearly now I need to again as - unbelievably - my son now faces a new threat via his 'Dad'.

What is shocking now is his stability is now threatened by his Dad saying he will no longer pay his school fees after GCSEs this Summer. This is NOT driven by financial issues (Husband is Director of major company with very high income). My son being forced out of school when only just totally stabilised is unthinkable.

I HAVE to protect him and his newfound stability & all the progress made by him/for him, but now all else (reason, logic, moral arguments etc with his Dad) has failed, the ONLY option left is to sue his Dad for Personal Injury, with damages to cover the 6 terms of sixth form. Do you know - or know anyone who DOES know - a Personal Injury lawyer that will help? I haven't worked since this nightmare began, and my own health has suffered badly - the shock/stress/impact are beyond anything I can adequately communicate here - so even though I too am usually a high-earner, right now I only have basic funds.

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for replying xxx

NB: 1) Whilst I have changed some identifying details to protect my child, all the details above are wholly accurate.

2. My husband was not prosecuted (although still could be) as that wasn't in the children's best interests.

3. And no, we are not divorced yet. My whole life stopped 3 years ago and has consisted solely of taking care of the children in such an extreme situation, and trying to take care of myself.

4. I still can't believe I am even having to ask for help, and that my Husband is not falling over himself to ensure our Son's wellbeing. I suspect the fact that he was NOT prosecuted has helped him stay in denial about the enormity of what he did, it's impacts (he has had no part in their rehabiliation, nor suffered the nightmares of caring for a suicidal child, nor ANY of it). I can't believe he would now willingly foist more damage/risk to our son, but he is. So all I can do is try and protect my son - my amazing, talented, robust, and beautful son - from being placed at risk of losing his hard fought for happiness, stability, mates, and educational path for the next 2 years that will see him safely through to Uni. Am in tears as type, I CAN'T and WON'T let him be placed at risk again. If you can help, PLEASE do. He needs you as much as he needs me xxx

Bump - but I think you need to out this in 'legal', and it may be that you need a family lawyer - who could possibly help you with a divorce settlement that covered the fees. But I a not a lawyer.

If you are not divorced then presumably there has been no financial settlement. What does your lawyer say? I think you need a family lawyer, not a personal injury lawyer -but I am sure that legally qualified people on here can offer more constructive advice.

I agree, you need a Childcare/Family Lawyer, not personal injury.

I don't know whereabouts you are, so look at Legal 500, choose your region, then Private Client, then Family.
The top firms in your area will be brought up. Many firms will be willing to offer free initial advice.

Best of luck, it sounds like an awful ordeal for you all.

Hi, I'm a family lawyer and would advise you to file your petition as soon as possible, and within those proceedings, make an application for interim spousal maintenance and a school fees order. Once that interim matter has been dealt with, your solicitors will apply for various other financial relief for capital, pension and maintenance provision.

You can find a list of local family lawyers on www.resolution.org.uk

NB I'm advising on the law as it is in England and Wales; if you're still in Scotland it may be different, and you may need to find a Scots lawyer via the Scottish Law Society.

I also agree that you won't get anywhere with a claim for personal injury or criminal injuries compensation in these circumstances.

YOu will, btw, be expected to be actively looking for work when you get further down the line in the financial negotiations, unless you have some disability.

BTW, when the court deals with the financial orders, it is unlikely to take your husband's alleged conduct into account, it's really more an arithmetical process than one in which blame is apportioned.

I'm assuming that he doesn't see the children now? If he did make an application for contact under the Children Act, then of course you'd have the opportunity to raise your allegations of physical abuse, but given that your daughter is now about 19, and your son 16, the court is unlikely to entertain an application for contact to your son, and as your daughter is an adult, she isn't covered by the Children Act at all.

Just as a non legal option, as you sound very stressed by all that has happened to you already.

Have you or your son thought about looking at state 6 forms in your area?

This would cut out the need to have any dependance on your vile ex and needn't be the end of the relationships your DS has made at his present school, but could enhance his world by making even more friends. Many children who could remain at their school 6 form choose to go else where to further their education.

It is not something you should have to consider, given that you say financialy it should not be a problem, but for your sanity it might be worth a thought.

Your DS sounds like he has a very strong character which would stand him in good stead if he decided to make a change.

I hope this helps some and doesn't add to your distress, good luck.

I think some of your circumstances sound very similar to my own. I'd like to reassure you that, in my experience and that of various others I've observed over the years, things will feel a lot better when your divorce is finalised and you no longer have to deal with the nasties this inevitably involves. For now unfortunately you must keep going through all the hard stuff. Keep talking and talking to your family and friends. They will help you stay sane!

But don't let on to your kids how much you hurt or say anything negative to them about their dad. This will stand you in excellent stead with them. Use adult support.

Mumblechum's advice is spot on. You should def get a Family Lawyer asap. They will help you through all the confusing stuff and are the best people to advise you of the facts and what you can and can't achieve in a divorce. You will need to think about cost though. Can you get Legal Aid? My own solicitor helped me with all that and allowed me to use her services and pay her only when my settlement came through.

I understand what you mean about the private school - my DD has been greatly troubled by the contact she had with her father (not seem him now in 8 years) and was bullied at her last (state) school. I too made the decision to move her to a small private school and it's been brilliant for her. It's crippling me financially (my parents have paid the fees recently though, which makes me feel terrible) but it's the right thing for her. She would have been "lost" in the senior school she was allocated to - the intake is over 300 per year.

My ex has no intention of contributing towards her school fees and has been terrible with maintenance. He was also a very high earner. Again, from observation, this seems to be behaviour that lots of parents leaving the home exhibit. I've seen it in both men and women. Some parents are magnificent but not all.

Have you tried contacting Gingerbread? It's a support network for single parents and could give you lots of potential contacts and support.

You don't give any clue about whether or not you have gone to the CSA about him. If you haven't then you must. And get a claim logged asap because it only starts from the date you contact them. They are bloomin hard work at times but have been absolutely marvellous over the years for me on the whole. They've recovered every penny due eventually.

Keep smiling. I hope things work out well soon for you. "This too will pass"...