Appalling behaviour

[nottonight]

DD is 14 and DH and I are at our wits end. We have had a really rough time over the last 18 months. This weekend has been horrendous, DD stayed with friends on a sleep over Friday and Saturday, I spoke to her friends mother who said it was alright, then found out that they were still out at 11.00 pm wandering. When I finally got hold of DD she was abusive and kept laughing. I telephoned the mother who said she wasn't happy either as the 3 of them said they were just going out for an hour at 7.30 pm, but she did not have any credit on her phone to call. I voiced my disatisfaction, but what can I do, as DD often does not come home from school or goes out before we arrive home from work and stays out until 7.30 but will often be later than this and she will not pick up the phone when we ring to see where she is. We have set curfew times which are ignored, deducted pocket money as consequences, and here is the thing, she has not had any allowance for around 2 weeks and has taken to stealing from us, she has taken her brother's new xbox games which he got for Christmas, her laptop has gone and she will not say where it is, takes things that do not belong to her. For 6 months or more I have had to hide my purse, handbag, lock up all my jewellery etc. She has nothing worth bothering about in her room as she has trashed these in temper, no cd player anymore as broken, TV does not have a very good picture SS are in place and have been for 6 months, she sees someone from connexions, CAMHS, behavioural change group, but nothing is working and we are getting exhausted. She feels that she is grown up and can do what she wants and when she wants. School has also been a complete nightmare. SS tell us if she is taken into care, she will not come back again, Is this True?? What else can we do and believe me we have tried everything.

I really feel for you and, while I cannot offer any helping advice, I am in the exact same boat! DSD does exactly the same, we have attitude, back chat, absolutely no respect - normal teenager? Yes! But she is 12 and this has been going on for 3 years. Over the last 12 months she has been stealing, anything from money, to make-up and food. Even her little brother's first £1 from the tooth fairy from under the pillow while he was sleeping! He was distraught in the morning that his tooth had gone and there was no money there, but she didn't care. She lies through her back teeth, even when you shove the evidence in her face - it's like they roll off the tongue. Her school have been amazing at trying to help, as this behaviour happens at school as well, but it's got to the point where the school are struggling to cope with her anymore. She is to see a psychologist, but if it doesn't improve she will be expelled. Now we find out she is bullying. She doesn't care about any punishment or restriction she is given. And yes, we have tried giving her praise, rewards etc, but it is all take and no give. I love her, I really do, like she is one of my own. But myself, my DH and her mum are all at our wits end and have no clue where to go from here!

Same boat here too.

Will post later, I have to go to police station to collect dd from custody now as she was arrested last night for assaulting her sister!! Sergeant is giving her a reprimand as I type apparently.

Just to add, Nottonight, SS will only take children into care if absolutely necessary, i.e. if they believe the child is not being cared for. You are doing a brilliant job and everything you can. SS are supposed to do everything they can to prevent splitting families up and keep them together.

DSD is now seeing some kind of child psychologist, which now takes me back to my own childhood! It does scare me as my own sister had to do this. She told them anything to make them feel sorry for her, to make out there was nothing wrong with her. Basically it was a pack of lies but because of patient confidentiality they couldn't tell my mum what was discussed. It ended up with SS getting involved and questionning my mum! My sister had/has ODD (Oppositional Deficit Disorder??) and her behaviour was so bad as a child she ended up in some kind of institution for children for 6 months, before they ended up kicking her out! She was violent all the time, to the point where she locked my mother out of the house a beat me up before I pinned her down and told her to run before the police turned up.

So with all this experience as a child I am very wary about how it is all going to pan out with DSD!

We went through this with DGD last year, she is now in care (although living with her other grandparents as SS cant find her anywhere to live!)

I dont want to put anymore on a public forum, but am happy for you top PM me if you wish.

So decided to leave her to it last night, got home from work with DS in tow, no DD so, thought to myself that I will not contact her until 8.30 and then only a text to ask what time she will be in. Anyway she text me to requesting picking up, replied with "at a loss of why I should bother, considering your behaviour, she text back with a please. Picked her up and did not speak to her at all. This morning amazingly she got up at 6.30 (usually have to prize her out of bed) made herself and me a cup of tea. This means she wants something. So far she is being civil, but I do not hold me breath. Having little conversation at present so hopefully will have a good weekend.

IloveTiff, Been there with DD although she was not arrested, they gave her a good talking too and made it know that next time she will be arrested. It just seems as everything we have done and believe me we have tried every thing, things do not work, we go through periods of being fine and possibly moving on a step to all hell breaking loose and going back 2 paces. Rang SS and told them that we cannot keep her safe, not because we are not trying but because she disappears before we get home and often will not come home on time and constantly lies to us as to where she is. DH has tried to put a tracking device on her phone but she will not accept him, need to find another way, DD has a contract phone so she will not be able to run out of credit or texts, so if she needs help she will have to ring. At what point do you say, that we have made her aware of the risks, she continues to ignore these and will have to learn the hard way. Any advice greatly received.

Me and my husband are going through a very difficult time with our 15 year old, soon to be 16. She is so disrespectful, horrible and rude to us and we've tried everything but it's not making a blind bit of difference. It's causing so much bad atmosphere, hostility in the house that we had to throw her out of the house Friday night but she wouldn't go so we ended up both of us dragging her to the door! Should we have put up with her gobby disgraceful and disrespectful attitude in our living room? I don't think we should, but part of me feels guilty at having thrown her out (she wouldn't go to her bedroom). She went to her Grandparents but even they've thrown her out before because of her attitude! We've also another 17 year old daughter who, although a 'typical?' moody teenager, we can cope with, but the other, christ it's hard!! I'm going to try to spend some one to one time with her this week, we're going to have a game of badminton and hopefully we can re-connect? I've done this before though and gone right back to where I started but we have to keep trying without her believing there are no consequences to her attitude. Trouble is, she doesn't give a damn about consequences, her reply is 'whatever' aaarrrgghhh!!!!!