Pregnant Teenagers

AliRef · 2011-01-19T19:59:20+00:00

Anybody else dealing with this? Mine is 19, dropped out of 1 course at uni, but accepted for another in Sept, but now this. Relationship with father rocky to say the least.

maryz · 19/01/2011 21:27

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Darnsarfupnorf · 19/01/2011 21:32

aliref im like your DD, although im not going back to uni in september but taking a gap year instead.
all i can say is dont worry about her and dont pester, let her know your there for her and not disapointed in her and make her feel loved.
my mums been great through this but ive felt so lonely, mumsnets been my lifeline to be honest so maybe suggest she comes on?

let her know you think shell be a great mum and look forward to being the doting granny :) x

sb6699 · 19/01/2011 21:55

I was pregnant at 19 and was destined to be a lone parent.

Tbh it was the making of me. I knew I had someone else to take care of so became a responsible adult overnight.

I got a job and did an OU course to get my professional qualifications in that field. Was hard work but I got there in the end.

My mum went nuts when I told her but when she calmed down was absolutely wonderful and helped me with lots of things I couldnt have done on my own (furnishing and decorating my flat, babysitting, rallying round friends to donate baby equipment). My relationship with her was rocky beforehand but it really made me see her in a different light and we've been close ever since.

I'm now married with 3 dc's and life is great.

My best advice is just to be there for her and support her in her decisions and never critise anything she decides on. I'm sure she will be fine.

Original poster

AliRef · 19/01/2011 22:31

All -Thank you so much for replying (had always thought I was too old for Mums net (DDs 22 and 19) but v cheering to get response! Darnsarfupnorf, is there a particular chat group that has helped you (you can see I am new) so I can tell her where to look - I will definitely tell her to join!

OP posts:

Original poster

AliRef · 19/01/2011 22:31

All -Thank you so much for replying (had always thought I was too old for Mums net (DDs 22 and 19) but v cheering to get response! Darnsarfupnorf, is there a particular chat group that has helped you (you can see I am new) so I can tell her where to look - I will definitely tell her to join!

OP posts:

maryz · 19/01/2011 22:50

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Amaka · 19/01/2011 23:01

Hard to deal with. A child is a blessing. Dont worry about education, its never too late to start learning again. Xx

Darnsarfupnorf · 20/01/2011 01:12

I wouldnt say there was a group in particular but ive started a few of my own threads and got loads of advice and support off them :) no matter how stupid or insignificant you think it is theres usualy somone with experience or a kind word for you, its really lovely :) x

StuffingGoldBrass · 20/01/2011 01:15

Best of luck to you and your DD. Yes it will be hard for her at times, but it's honestly not the end of the world to have DC while you're young: I have had friends who became mothers very early and who found all sorts of unexpected benefits - not least the fact that by the time your baby has grown up to independence, you are still young enough yourself to do pretty much anything you want.

tallwivglasses · 20/01/2011 01:41

My DD is also 19 and pregnant - thankfully planned and her bf's lovely.

I'd have prefered her to wait a few years...but there's now't I can do now but embrace it! I now have more time on this earth with my grandchild

Just be there for her. She'll need you more now, especially if her relationship isn't that great.

The mn pregnancy topics are great and there's quite a few young mums there. I don't think DD posts much but it's been a great source of information and advice.

KMW79 · 20/01/2011 15:04

I had my eldest son when I was 16, it wasn't easy but I don't think it was much harder than it is for most Mums. The main thing was the fantastic support I had from all my family. It would have been 100 times harder had they not been there for me.

walkinZombie · 22/01/2011 22:01

I became pregnant at 19,I couldn't tell my dad for 6 n 1/2 months.

very religious etc, but when he ac tually found out, he was more bothered I he hadn't met my bf ¬¬
I had alot of support, did get some abuse. 19 is legally an adult its not like she's 14 or something.

walkinZombie · 22/01/2011 22:03

You seem like a nice mother, support is all you can do

I'm sure it will be enough,
xoxo

heyday · 26/01/2011 15:18

My sixteen year old daughter told me she was pregnant its been a nightmare, lost p/t job, kicked out of college and her dad & bro have disowned her. I am trying to get my head round it all but it is so hard especially as we barely have enough money to live on now and when there is a baby things will get even harder.all I can do is to try to love and support her but she cannot envisage how hard it will be, sometimes at night I can barely breathe because I am so scared for the future.

MissSayuri · 26/01/2011 16:28

heyday you are right to be scared, times are tough for many, and you need to get some advice now about where this will leave your family in regard to benefits etc.
When a young person declares they are pregnant there is a lot of rhetoric bandied about, such as how lovely it will be, and it's not the end of the world etc etc and while it might not be the end of the world, the reality is that it will be a struggle for all involved. Try not to ignore DH and DH's feelings. Not everyone is overjoyed at baby news.
Personally, and I don't care if I get flamed for this, I would be DEVASTATED if my dd had a baby whilst so young. I was 21 when I had her and I still feel that was far too young. I missed out on so much.
Don't cover up how you feel, it's important that everyone in the family feels they are being listened to.
Good luck.

Ineedalife · 27/01/2011 18:17

Hi Aliref.. I just popped on here and saw your thread. My Dd1 was 18 when she got pregnant she had dropped out of A levels and gone to work away from home. Before DGD was born she had split up with the dad. I would be lying if I said it has been easy but she has a job, a home and a new chap. Oh and a lovely, demanding, hilarious 2 year old.

It probably seems very black at the moment but you will get through this and come out the other side and carry on.

Good luck .

FreudianSlippery · 27/01/2011 18:22

If she wants to stay home with baby I highly recommend the OU so she can still study.

IMO the most important thing your DD needs is your support :)

lilmamma · 30/01/2011 20:28

my dd is 17 and had a little boy 4 weeks ago,it has been hard,but its such ajoy having a baby in the house again.she had to leave college,due to health and safety,but hopefully will be going back in september.

I went with her for most of her antenatal appointments,she is still seeing the babys dad,but its a bit complicated..long story.The main thing is to be there for her,and its not the end of the world or her life,she can pick back up along the way.

I had my first at 18 and did ok..I was also there for the birth which was an exprience..enjoy being a nan its lovely..

BarbieLovesKen · 30/01/2011 20:46

This must be so hard to deal with.

Can I just offer a small bit of positivity though? Im 25 now but was 19 too when I became pregnant with dd. I was only with my now dh 6 months at that stage .

"the baby" didnt hold us back but did the complete opposite in fact - pushed us on to do better. I changed jobs (to a much better one), started my degree at night (am now over half way through my law degree), built a big house in the country, got married and now have number 3 on the way .

My mother burst into tears when we told her. She was really devastated as she had wanted so much more for me. She raised me on her own, no other siblings and I am all she has. She expected and wanted alot for me. She is also quite religious.

She now says she thanks God that dd arrived when she did (aside from the fact we cant imagine life without her, and you wont either) but because I'd probably be just arsing around, living at home and living for clubbing at the weekend if I'd nothing to strive for.

I love being a "young" mother and my mum loves being young enough to enjoy her grandchildren.

My daughter and her granny have an unusually close relationship now. Even for grandmother/ granddaughter - its startling. My mum had a very sad and hard life and despite obviously having me to be around for, its much more difficult being the parent as opposed to the grandparent. She can just enjoy dd now (and hand her back ). Its very strange - everyone close to her says it - she appears to have a new lease for life since the day dd was born. I've noticed it too - she was outside labour suite when I was giving birth (dh was with me) but was allowed in just after, Its so sounds so soppy and corny but I seen a change in her when she held dd for the first time, she started to cry pure tears of joy and has being a different person ever since - in a long rambling way, Im trying to say what a difference from the person who thought the world had officially ended when I told her I was pregnant.

It will be fine. It really will.

nipplesofthenorth · 30/01/2011 20:50

My best friend concieved her first unexpectedly at 17 and had her 2nd at 19. Her DS's are 14 and 12 now. She is the most patient, brilliant mum I know. She works as a learning support assistant in good secondary school and has a brilliant partner (not DS dad). Don't worry, things work out xx

Ivette · 07/02/2011 17:33

i got pg at 19, i was at uni, i dropped out, came to uk, had DD and Im doing fine ;)

cassann46 · 10/02/2011 20:36

hello my daughter of just 17 announced last Feb she was pregnant, i too was shocked initially and saw our whole life change, eldest daughter was 19 and we were suddenly faced with a baby again, we never considered her not living with us, babys dad was too unreliable and at the time had no job, she finished yr 12 and has taken this uear off and will go back this sept to do yr 13 then uni hopefully, please ensure your daughter is registered with connections and rest assured in terms of finances she will get benefits our daughter gets £600 mnth so she and baby are totally self sufficient, we dint take keep as she saves 400 for a house eventually and she pays her way by doing most of the houseork for me and makes the tea most nights, me and hubby work full time and have always done so our view is that although would not choose to have a child of ours on benefits we have put plenty in to the benefits pot and are confident are duaghter will work one day and put something back, i see my little grandaughter every day and she is a real joy and i feel privilidged to be such a big part of her life, our daughter messed around a bit at school but the baby reallly is a key motivator for her and will be the making og her, i know its hard at first getting your head round things and i feel sad sometimes knowing her friends are out most weekends and she is in mostof the time, she is such a good mum and wont leave her even with me!!! and i love having her but she wont take advantage, trust me you will fall in love with your grandchild the minute you set eyes in it - sorry to say 'it' dont know if its boy or girl, post again to me if you need further advice or just a chat.xx