Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Why I can't protect my kids AND do the right thing?

16 replies

goodkarmaisrunninglate · 17/01/2011 11:56

I have namechanged although I've been around for a fair while and post regularly. I cannot be too specific about some details; please bear with me.

Since New Year, my two young teenagers have been relieved of possessions 3 times.

The first 'lost' a coat and mobile in 2 separate incidents. The other was robbed of his coat at knifepoint on the way home from school on Friday. The friend with him had his mobile taken Sad

In the small world we live in, we have a good idea who did these robberies.

However, we cannot safely give names because of the violent gangs these boys are associated with.

The first 2 incidents were not even logged, and I am not sure of the wisdom of reporting the last one, because we cannot pursue it any further, even if the thug is caught.

I have always tried to teach my dcs to do the right thing, so I am struggling to hold it together whilst telling them that we have to just suck it up (and count my blessings that they have not been physically harmed).

I am so Sad and Angry. I have been on the edge of tears since the first incident, so you can imagine what I'm like now as my other victim child has ASD. His dad suggested taking him as he lives in a 'better' area but I know he wouldn't cope with the upheaval (or without me).

Moving is not an option so I feel trapped and impotent.

It feels like a nightmare.

OP posts:
Original poster
goodkarmaisrunninglate · 17/01/2011 13:28

Any words of wisdom or comfort would be gratefully received.

I'm not waving, I'm drowning Sad

OP posts:
PinkIceQueen · 17/01/2011 20:45

The only thing I can suggest, and it's not really an answer, is to stop telling them to suck it up. The only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to them. Or, report it to the police, if everyone did, they'd have to do something. Or, do you have a neighbourhood watch scheme? Or can you tell the school that the thugs go to?

Hopefully someone else will come along with better advice soon.

Original poster
goodkarmaisrunninglate · 17/01/2011 21:02

It's so much bigger than that sadly.

The police cannot guarantee the safety of any of us if we were to provide names etc.

I have friends who have made a stand against people connected to those we have encountered. Their lives are seriously being threatened despite people being locked upShock

OP posts:
PinkIceQueen · 17/01/2011 21:06

Could you house swap with the dad that's offered to take the children? Or apply to move? Do you work? You could ask your employer for a transfer to a different area??

guyane · 17/01/2011 21:08

Move. You do not have to battle this, but you do have the rest of your and your DCs lives ahead of you. Make it happen. Do you have any other family/friends somewhere else who could help? ... be strong - courage.

guyane · 17/01/2011 21:11

Sorry, that maybe sounds too harsh - perhaps if you could give us more details of your personal situation we could be more understanding?

guyane · 17/01/2011 21:11

... and helpful Smile

Jellykat · 17/01/2011 22:14

What a horrendous, heartbreaking situation.
Poor you and DC from the bottom of my heart.

Agree naming names will get you nowhere at the moment,other then more problems.
If you really can't move, Your DCs safety is more important then 'justice' or 'the right thing',as i'm sure you are well aware of.

Can anyone give them a lift to and from school?Can another parent go halves on a taxi? Can you and/or other parents discreetly walk with them?Is there another more public route they can walk?-

I'm just,perhaps naively, trying to think of ways to avoid your DC and friends, being put in a vulnerable position.

CarGirl · 17/01/2011 22:21

Can their dad help you with moving?

Original poster
goodkarmaisrunninglate · 18/01/2011 08:09

Thanks for your responses.

We live in HA property, have been on the transfer list for several years but am unlikely to get moved as we need aa larger place and they rarely come up.

Exp(father to 1 of my ds) lives 50 miles away, owns own home and has new young family. I think he just feels as frustrated and angry as we do, but ds would not cope with the upheaval.

2 of the 3 incidents took place within 10 minutes walk of here, although the last one was on a route I already had reservations about- he's learned a nasty lesson in not heeding my warnings.

I can't see any solutions and I always can, that's what's so hard.

OP posts:
goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 08:19

If you went to the police would they intevene with council especially if gang well known

though saying that after threats I was offered a panic alarm .a fire axe and they would look at turning one if the rooms into safe room while we waited fir help (20 mins from police station)

I declined funny enough and walked away from the council property in the end now private rented no security I know but now we feel safe nothing is better than that

is that a option for you?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 18/01/2011 08:20

I am not sure what HA property is, assuming it is housing association. Would you be prepared to move to a similar sized house in a different area? Is it possible to house swap with someone.
Sorry I can't be any more helpful, I do feel so sorry for you and your children.

nickschick · 18/01/2011 08:26

I dont live in a particularly nice area.

We too are having a shit time due to shit people Angry,this has meant my son (who has a disability) was arrested on Sunday for something he clearly didnt do.

All I can do is make sure my ds arent on their own at any time .....which means that at 10.30 last night I was in Tesco whilst ds1 chose some hair stuff and got an A4 pad for college.

(Yes he could have got them earlier could have even asked me to get them - but being 17 and knowing his friends hang out there - he wanted to go and unfortunately where they go I go-I know it sounds OTT and rubbish for ds's social life its only locally I have to do this and fortunately I know all their mates so Im accepted)

Shit though.

Original poster
goodkarmaisrunninglate · 18/01/2011 17:22

goingroundthebend4 what you were offered is how my friend is living Sad
She is hanging onto her sanity by a thread and she is mentally stronger than me.

We are in that catch 22 where private rent would cripple us but we'd not get housing benefit either.

kreecher yes, Housing Association. Have been on the swap list as long as the transfer list. 95% of tenants need to upsize and we are one of those.

Nickschick, one of ours spent 24 hours in police custody just before Christmas for being in the vicinity of the wrong people at the wrong time so I know how you feel.

It won't be forever one of my boys tells me. He reckons that most of these monsters will either be in jail or dead in the next couple of years. How sad that he sees that as the solution Sad

OP posts:
goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 19:31

Goodkarma

I'm fortunate that Hb picks up some of the rent I top it of

I just could not live like that hats of to your friend for trying .I walked away with my kids and clothes plus toys left everything else there furniture the lot (house was broke into and stuff vandalised)

for me it was the right thing and for the kids .Was sad as we lived there for 11 years no problem trouble was all caused by my xh

Now he does not know where we are I cut myself of from everybody there so no one could accidentley betray my whereabouts

sharon2609 · 24/01/2011 18:34

Surely someone must stand up to these people. However,I know that's not always possible. How sad that we live in a society where innocent ,decent people are not able to live a safe life. It makes my blood boil. No help to you but I feel your desperation . Good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page