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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you think DD is smoking weed or am i totally over anxious?

56 replies

fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 00:46

Ok i`m a fairly open minded mother of 4 ages 18 15 7 and 6 mths.

For a while now dd has had an issue with her hygiene-nothing new just more noticeable as she`s bigger now .

Ive tried everything from ignoring it to running her a bath daily . I washed her clothes and not washed her clothes . Ive bought everything. Ive been nice and ive been at the end of my teather and been rude !
Anyway Christmas time the smell was awful.
I`d been in her room several times searching for the CULPRIT-found dirty pants and the odd mouldy fruit-but not the dead rat i expected !
I was forever going in their and saying @what IS the smell ? "

One day i pin pointed it-your burning your hair ! I hid her straighters because the smell was awful.
Christmas time it improved-no college-daily baths and no hair straighteners.
First day back at college last week-she walked thro the door and staight away i was alerted to the familiar smell !
Over christmas i`d pretty much washed her entire wardrobe due to the lingering smell of what i thought to be clothes being put back in after wearing on unwashed teenage body ! So really had had 3 weeks of decreasing smell.
She sat opposite me and the smell was intense.
I asked her to put all her clothes in the wash bin and ran her a bubble bath.

I smelled her clothes while she was in the bath as they were clean on that morning and she had has a shower before college-they smelled ok ! It was just her.

Was then seriously worried that maybe she has some sort of disorder ?

She has other signs which could actually all be explained but mostly binge eating on chocolate, mood swings, secretivenessacne, blood shot eyes (wears tons of make up ).
It suddenly dawned on me last night that this smell cant be burnt hair now and cant be normal body odour-it only seems to be there when she attends college and lingers for days.
I will keep a private diary before i question her as she goes to 6th form but attends a college 2 days a week for another cpourse which is were its going on if it is at all ?
Help?

OP posts:
HollyTwat · 09/01/2011 02:27

So if you prove she is, what then?
That's the bit that will make the difference.
Most peoPle grow out of it. They don't want to feel spaced out all the time. Sometimes it just takes a while for someone to make that decision for themselves
My brother is the exception I think

kayah · 09/01/2011 02:28

then where she can sit long enough for her clothes to get that smell?

Original poster
fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:30

Oh i hope so.
She struggles with her school work anyway and has worked so so hard to get into uni-shes just taken her math gcse for the 4th time to improve her grade !
Being lethargic is the last thing she needs PLUS she`s epileptic ! That makes her sleepy enough !

OP posts:
Original poster
fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:32

Must be somewhere at college,taxi or bus home ?
Gotta be college?
Does it cost much as she`s saving really well ?

OP posts:
Original poster
fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:34

Its not on her breath and she hasnt suddenly started chewing gum or mouthwash-few sore throats but hasnt everyone.
Maybe she is just with someone a lot who smokes it.

OP posts:
kayah · 09/01/2011 02:35

you know some twats are giving away drugs very cheaply, to get victims hooked hoping for future profits :(

Original poster
fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:38

shes only got to do until may but if there is a problem i`ll bloody well do the course with her ! Might struggle with the Ballet practical tho !

OP posts:
Original poster
fakeblondie · 09/01/2011 02:40

Thanks girls-i must get some sleep now-gotta be at church in a few hours and think i need to send one up today x

OP posts:
alienbump · 09/01/2011 04:07

Just a thought, a few of the epilepsy drugs can cause body odour - she's not had a change in drug or dosage recently has she? Or even her body's reaction to a familiar drug could have changed as she has got older?

zubin · 09/01/2011 06:25

It actually doesn't sound like weed to me at all - I really think the amount she would need to be smoking to have such a strong lingering smell as you describe she would barely be able to function and the smell wouldn't linger so strongly in her room (especially if she isn't physically smoking it in there)- there could be loads of other reasons maybe a hormone imbalance?

PlentyOfParsnips · 09/01/2011 07:00

I dunno, this doesn't quite sound like weed to me. If it was, the smell would be stronger on the clothes and you said they smelt OK when you checked them. Also, most weed smokers mix it with tobacco which you have said you can't smell. It does have a very peculiar distinctive smell, especially the skunk strains, but it's not a 'burnt hair' smell.

It could be poor personal hygiene coupled with anxiety on college days. I had to have a chat with DD (18) over christmas because she was a bit smelly. There's no problem getting her to have a bath but she just sits in it and doesn't really wash herself. She'll smell OK when she first comes out of the bath but the smell sort of develops over the course of the day. If your DD is anxious or unhappy at college, or perhaps just in a poorly ventilated room, that could make it worse too. I've worked in a couple of places that have made my sweat smell really different and foul for no apparent reason.

I don't think you should be doing tests at this stage. If she is having problems with drugs, or anything else, it will be much easier to help her if she trusts you. I think you should talk to her and talk to the college. Is she happy there? Are the college aware of any problems. Has there been any marked change in her grades? Is she being bullied? Who does she hang around with?

One other thing that springs to mind - could she be using a hair removal cream?

maryz · 09/01/2011 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snorbs · 09/01/2011 13:04

It does sound a lot like cannabis to me, particularly the blood-shot eyes. I think, as maryz suggests, that it sounds more like cannabis resin than bud.

You do burn the resin a bit with a lighter to make it crumbly before rolling it with tobacco into a joint. If she's making the joints in her bedroom prior to going out to college and smoking them there then the smell from the burnt resin will linger for quite a while but you won't get the cigarette smell in the room as the tobacco is only burnt when the joint is smoked.

Also, cannabis resin is often mixed with other stuff to alter the smell and to bulk it out so one block of resin won't necessarily smell the same as the next. A burnt-hair kind of smell with resin is not that unusual.

Making joints like this can be fairly messy. You may find shreds of tobacco, little black or brown bits of cannabis (it'll look like toast crumbs), maybe some small ripped up pieces of cardboard used for roaches etc.

kayah · 09/01/2011 17:59

blood shot eyes may be due to her sitting in the room where someone performs strange experiments on extracting drugs from cannabis

PlentyOfParsnips · 09/01/2011 18:15

But if she's preparing joints in her room then coming home smelling of it, she would also be coming home smelling of tobacco. It could be a pipe but it would be quite odd to prepare that beforehand as it would just spill everywhere and if she was smoking a pipe in her room it would really stink the house out. Have you noticed any little tiny burn holes in her clothes, OP?

I dunno, it could be drugs, it could be a host of other things too. The way you say that the smell is coming from her and not from her clothes suggests to me either a hygiene or a health problem (infection, digestive problem ... ) which is being made worse by something at college. From your OP it sounds like she has ongoing general hygiene issues (can thoroughly empathise there). What you could be smelling is poorly washed hair + unscrubbed back + depilatory cream + anxious armpit.

What is she doing at college? You mention ballet, which is a very 'body conscious' field. Could she be being teased about body hair? How's her general health? Is she eating properly? Could she be starving herself at college or making herself sick? Are her teeth OK?

How are things between DD and the BF? He might know what's going on. Do you know him well enough to let him know you're worried about her and see what he says?

PlentyOfParsnips · 09/01/2011 18:37

Blood-shot eyes are frequently caused by crying.

Try and keep an open mind, OP, and talk to her. You say she enjoys spending time with you - give her plenty of time to talk about whatever is going on for her. Don't try to steer the conversation towards drugs yet - see what she comes up with. Something is obviously wrong but if you jump to conclusions about drugs too early you might miss something else that's going on.

Am I right in thinking DD is the 18 y/o? If so, I think you need to tread very carefully. She's technically an adult and you can't really control her behaviour beyond whatever 'house rules' you have. If my mum had sneaked around collecting hairs or whatever and done a drug test on me at that age, I'd probably have left home on the spot, whether the test was positive or negative.

Original poster
fakeblondie · 10/01/2011 00:22

Thanks.
I`ve had some great advice on here and its very appreciated .
Hadnt thought of the hair cream.
No smell all weekend and back to pleasant self.
College tomorrow so will be doing the sniff test around 6pm-will keep you posted ! x

OP posts:
Popcat3 · 10/01/2011 01:06

I used to smoke the stuff, and the blood shot eyes and binge eating, the mood swings all add up, but the singed smell would be the thing that worried me most.

Popcat3 · 10/01/2011 01:09

Im sorry for suggesting this but it maybe solvent abuse.....Abusable products: The products to be aware of include: butane gas cigarette lighter refills, liquefied domestic gas, solvent based adhesives, deodorant aerosols, pain relief sprays, aerosol air fresheners, hairspray, other aerosols, some correction fluids, petrol, certain paints, paint thinners & removers, dry cleaning agents, petrol lighter fuel, nail varnish & varnish remover, some shoe & metal polish, and plaster remover.

If the smell reminds u of anything above, I wouldnt rule out solvent abuse. Which if it is, weed would be the least of ur worries.

Original poster
fakeblondie · 10/01/2011 01:32

Oh crumbs-ok no i dont think any of them.
Def no tabacco either.
Certainly made me realise i need to look at our lines of communication and be more drugs aware and talk to all dc and not brush such things ubder the carpet.

Searched her room today when she walked to mums-absolutely nothing-cant do anything now until she returns from college later today and then thurs.

OP posts:
humanheart · 10/01/2011 15:53

have you thought of talking to her GP? crap if she's 18 though as you won't get a look in - but you could talk to your GP to get some pointers? are her epilepsy meds regularly monitored/updated? if so, they need to know if you have some concerns about drugs. also try FRANK - and research your head off. good luck sweetie.

Original poster
fakeblondie · 11/01/2011 00:58

I picked her up today - no overwhelming smell tbh when she got in the car.

However she picked up dd for me and changed her nappy soon after we got in - she then brought her to me for a feed and the smell was in baby dd`s hair-right on her crown where she had nestled into dd1 !

I was trying to get up to her to sniff !
Smell is on her coat up by neck and her top in neck area again.
She was wearing one of these new snoods and i asked her to take it off in the house - cant find it anywhere.I assume this will smell the most and i have searched but its hiding.
Now i am thinking i know what the smell is its not actually awful-NOT knowing and looking for something makes a smell worse iykwim.
Its sort of a sweet sweaty smell - kind of remoinds me of a boy i went out with years and years ago who wore that petunia oil and smoked stuff- i mean 25 + years ago. It has a vague familiarity somewhere.
She herself has been lovely-would she be smoking it if the smell is just around her neck area on her clothes ?
If she was just hanging out with people doing it the smell would be more all over but its def concentrated on neck area.

I have dw a friend who said he`d be able to smell it a mile off so am taking t shirt over for sniff test tomorrow.
Still cant believe this might be happening.

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 11/01/2011 14:34

Blood shot eyes and munchies points too weed smoking, but I'm not convinced of the smell you're describing. Have you spoke to your friend?

PlentyOfParsnips · 11/01/2011 15:30

Have you found time to talk to DD yet? Have you asked her what the smell is? There seems to be a lot of amateur sleuthing going on and not a lot of communication Sad

Scrumpet · 11/01/2011 15:34

Could it be patchouli oil? People associate it with weed because a lot of weed smokers use it to cover the smell of having smoked (or they used to, anyway). Beloved of hippies in the 1970s/80s.

It's a very strong smell and not entirely pleasant to a lot of people. She might be smoking weed, but she might also be hanging out with people who are.

I think you're going to have to ask her.