I'm punching the pillow - again

[missdisorganised1]

I don't know if it is best to post here or in bereavement?

It has been 11 months since Mum and Dad were killed and with Gran not too well I don't like to bother Grandad about feeling quite weepy the last few days. I don't seem to be coping very well this week and I suppose I need a bit of hand-holding by parents with teenagers.

Since I was 18 (October last year) I have been living in the family home on my own. For support I have my Nan and Granddad living quite close. They looked after me after the accident until I was 18 and were the ones who told me that my Mum and Dad had been killed. They sat either side of me at the funeral and also beamed love and support as I stood at the front to read the eulogy. I also have an aunt and an uncle, who are the trustees of my Mum and Dads estate, I like them a lot but as they live an hour+ away I don?t see them very often. The Head of Year 13 has been very helpful and kind to me and I know I can always go to her if I am having a bad day. She gets her hankie box out and listens patiently to me. My form tutor is not so good. He tends to start conversations with, ?Now your Mum and Dad are in heaven ??.

Hi there, sorry to hear about your situation, you probably would be better posting on bereavement.

You sound as though you are coping with things really well under your circumstances, to loose both parents as a teenager must be incredibly difficult, at 11 months on it is still very early on in terms of grieving , please dont expect too much of yourself, you are still on the emotional rollercoaster. I dont post much on here but do follow threads, and didnt want you not to get a reply.I have a ds of 15 so know how hard it is being a teenager, he lost his brother 10 almost 10 years ago.

Can you move back with your Nan and Granddad if they live close by - I know you are legally an adult and I don't have to tell you how difficult grief is to cope with - but just because you can do it doesn't really mean you should.

I am so very sorry for your loss

I had thought of moving back in with Nan and Granddad but when I am in my family home I can pretend to myself that Mum and Dad have just gone away for a while. Rather than that they are not ever coming back.

Oh you poor soul. My heart goes out to you. i am a mother and just want to put my arms around you. My niece and nephew lost their parents(my brother in law and his wife) when my son was just three weeks old. And now i'm in my forties I still need my parents for love and support.

Loving support and time are what will get you through. you will know who is out there for you - let them help you if they can.

Do everything you feel you need to so in your own time, i think you are going through the grieving process and i am not an expert by any means on that. So, as others have suggested, i think going on the section of this site that deals with the subject in more depth might be helpful.

In the meantime, if you help your Gran out in any way you can that works for her I suspect it will make you feel better. Doing stuff for others is good for the soul i think.

And on a personal note - it puts my problems into perspective. My love to you.

You're very young to be coping with all this - I do really feel for you. I'd give yourself as much time and space as you need. I've heard it advised not to make any major changes for a good while after such a bereavement - 11 months really isn't long.

Have you had a bereavement counsellor? I wonder if that might help you and it should be available free - maybe your GP could point you in the right direction. I think sometimes you need to offload on someone without feeling you are burdening them and this is why I think it could help.

Nothing like the same magnitute but when I was 10 my mum was very seriously ill in hospital for ages and my dad really couldn't cope. I felt very, very alone in the world. At that time I virtually lived round a friend's house. Her parents were so kind to me - and though nothing ever replaces your own parents, having them there did help. Do you have any friends who you could confide in - whose parents could take you under their wing a bit?

I think people can see you at 18 and think you're an adult and can cope, and therefore don't help as much as they might. So wondering if there's anyone else older who could help, as well as having your grandparents.

Keep posting, and try bereavement section too. xx

Sometimes I feel so angry inside. Even angry with my Mum and Dad for leaving me in this s**y situation that never goes away. That makes me feel guilty and horrid and childish and all sorts of negative things.

Somehow I managed to come top in a physics test today so something is going OK.

((((Missorganised1)))
I don't know what to say except that as Mum to a daughter the same age as you, I think you sound absolutely amazing to be coping at all.. and wish I could hug you..

You are absolutely entitled to feel angry.. and grief is a process which comes and goes.. getting by minute by minute is as much as you should expect of yourself... please be kind to yourself and turn to everyone who can help.

I would definitely post in bereavement as those who are grieving too may be able to offer support.

And WELL DONE on the physics.. !! I'm thinking your Mum and Dad would be incredibly proud of you....