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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do I hide the fact that I Can't stand one of ds friends!

54 replies

mamas12 · 31/12/2010 16:25

How on earth do you do it?
He is rude to my face too. I need advice on how to handle this situation as he is turning into 'the cool one' because everyone knows he is a rude and obnoxious boy.

So far I have lied to ds by saying I liked him, trying a bit of reverse phsycology.

But anyone know how I tell boy not to be so rude to me and don't make this boy into the hero???

There is more but it just so tedious atm sorry.

They are all 14 btw.

OP posts:
panettoinydog · 31/12/2010 17:22

yeah yeah, boots has it

Notevenamouse · 31/12/2010 17:24

"slightly unhinged" brilliant Grin

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 17:38

Oh god Unhinged is right I greet him with such a lopsided grin on my face!

His parents are another thing Help! They buy him drinks!
No hel;p with their 'style' of parenting.
I feel like saying to ds well they don't care about him but I care about you. Is that wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 17:39

I feel as though I may go too far if I start to make comments back and I really don';t know how far he would go tbh

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 31/12/2010 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 17:53

He is an arrogant little sh* So hard to convey that in print, it's his attitudeas well.
Thank you all for reassuring me that I can really tell this ** where to get off without repurcussions
You are right tough It is a good lesson for ds.
Okay will let you know what happens next if tha't okay.
Anyone have any good oneliners out there already?

OP posts:
Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 17:54

Tee hee Tough I might threaten him with you

OP posts:
activate · 31/12/2010 17:55

don't lie

and when he's rude to your face say "That was rude, apologise or leave my house please"

You are the adult - he is a (obnoxious) child - and he'll take you if he sees weakness Grin

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 17:57

Grrr I've got to be quick about being strong then and not falter and hesitate.

Don't worry I can't wait now.

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 31/12/2010 19:35

Activate has it exactly right here.

ivykaty44 · 31/12/2010 19:41

He is doing this to push boundaries and see what the reation is with parents of other dc and also as a way of getting mates to think he is cool.

I would be tempted to ask does this rudeness come naturally to you or do you try hard to impress your mates - no tone on your voice and just a question.

Then whatever the answer oh cos its really boring and you try far to hard at the rudeness bit

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 31/12/2010 19:46

"Leave us alone"

try "This is my house now get the fuck out of here you little shit"

or "If you little boys can't play nice then you can't play at all"

or "don't try and be rude to me sonny it's getting chilly outside"

thisisyesterday · 31/12/2010 19:46

you don't need one-liners or anything clever or witty or anything

you need to be the adult and just not take any shit.
no pretending to be nice to him, treat him as the teenager he is

so when he is rude I would just say "don't speak to me like that"
and if he carries on then just tell him to leave, and not to come back unless he has learned some manners

some of it is just cocky teenage boy behaviour, am sure plenty of them do it. but that doesn't mean you have to sit and take it.

if it carries on then I would quite happily say to your DS that he is not welcome in your house

ivykaty44 · 31/12/2010 19:47

tell your ds that the charmers goes much further than his friend will ever go and as his friend could be a really good mate if it wasn't for the rudeness such a shame for him - make out the rudeness is a cross to bear in life for his mate. You know as if his mate doesn't have a choice and has to lug it around with him like a dead leg Wink

charmers do get far more out of life whatever age and we all know that Grin

allnightlong · 31/12/2010 19:54

At the 'leave us alone' a simple 'no dear your in MY home you leave me alone' and show him the door.

At the 'you dont need to know' A curt 'shut up you weren't being asked'

Being rude about drinks simple when you bring your DC and other friends drink but not him.

He's 14 old enough to know how to behave, actions have consequences show him that if he's rude in your home then you'll show your displeasure in making him uncomfortable in your home as rudeness isn't welcome.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/12/2010 20:04

My DC are only small so I may totally not understand how the teen thing works yet...but it seems utterly ridiculous to allow anyone to speak to you like that in your own home!

Adult, teen, child...whatever! I would simply tell him to leave if he said the things you mentioned!

He sounds awful!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 31/12/2010 20:05

X posts with allnight but you put it SO much better than me! They sound like great reactions!

IloveJudgeJudy · 31/12/2010 20:14

Mamas I am shocked to hear about someone talking to you like this in your own home. IME the DS's friends have always been super-polite to us - a bit like Kevin and Perry in Harry Enfield.

I definitely would not put up with that in my own home or anywhere tbh. My DS knows that. Does yours? I'm not being funny asking that. Surely your DS is not happy about his friend being rude to you. Perhaps he's a bit torn, but if you discuss it with him he won't like it either, once he's had a think about it.

I just think you have to be strong and not put up with any crap, from anyone. Please let us know how you get on. Good luck.

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 20:14

Thanks for more suggestions.

This is a new thing that's why I'm asking now to start to stamp it out the most effective way I can. I most def am not going to put up with it but need a little support on technique.

Ivy I like your style, I think I may try that one first!

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BuckingxmasFells · 31/12/2010 20:16

i would have chucked him out at the leave us alone tbh. you should next time. Just tell him to get out now.

at the "you don't need to know" he would be punted outside while i finished my chat with my child.

I would then step outside and tell him to grow up and behave or he is not welcome. He is not respecting you as the authority in your home - you need to assert yourself. The fact that he is not like that with your ex suggests to me it is because you are female.

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 20:18

Oh yes buckingxmas I fear you are right but I have the measure of him and I now will say a few more chose things in the future and report back.

OP posts:
BuckingxmasFells · 31/12/2010 20:21

Good for you! Kick his ass!

sinpan · 31/12/2010 20:26

Some great advice here which I wholeheartedly second. Op you are a patient and kind person to tolerate this. II'm afraid I would have bawled him out in front of his friends long ago. It would annoy me even more if everyone else was going 'He's ok with me'. I can't stand teenage boys being disrespectful so their friends will think they're cool. Sounds like he doesn't get enough in the way of boundaries from his parents so you'd be doing him a favour showing him where yours are.

My DS (13) has a friend like this has been pushing it for years now but I've been sitting on it every chance I get. They are not great friends any more as my Ds also found it annoying.

MadamDeathstare · 31/12/2010 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamas12 · 31/12/2010 20:34

Thanks everyone, as I said this is a new thing so I am all prepared now for to take him down!

Poor ds he will be embarressed but I don't care. They all need to learn

Yes his parents are soooo 'liberal' in the offensive use of the word. Buying him alcohol and telling their older son that he needs to buy the more expensive dope as the stuff he is buying is bo good.
God there's more but no point I am going kick ass!

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