How can I get ds to actually listen to what I say?

[schroeder]

My ds(12) flys off the handle at the smallest thing (surprise surprise) Often though it's because he hasn't really listened to what I've said and just seems to assume I'm having a go at him.

For example I say"(dd's name) Did you leave the bathroom light on?" ds shouts "It wasn't me, why do you always blame me for everything?" My dd's name sounds nothing like his btw.

How can I get him to pay attention? Is it a lost cause?

It's just a nightmare age - my DD is also 12 and full to the brim with hormones and loses her temper all the time.

I showed her some Kevin and Perry clips on youtube which made her smile slightly! (but she does have excellent sense of humour when not slamming doors!)

I would just be patient, grow a thick skins and ignore the moods - I'm hoping it'll pay dividends in the long run (my other DD is 15, and much better!!!)

love that maryz - especially the nagging thing. Does it work on DHs too?

You've reminded me; a friend of mine said it helped her to think of it as a sort of mental illness. Helped her to feel a bit of sympathy for her ds rather than get angry with him.

I think you're right about ignoring the chuntering; hard though isn't it?

it's not actually hormones, its the brain rewiring itself and using the amygdila instead of the frontal cortex. It makes them unable to recognise emotions etc.

I agree with maryz. I have come to the conclusion there is actually no point in arguing with them at all, it just fuels their sense of injustice. I just walk away and come back when they are in a bit more reasonable mood.
It's hard when you are going through menopause and they are in the middle of puberty.

It's hard isn't it?

One minute you have a lovely, smiley pre-teen who thinks you are their world and the next minute you're confronted by a shrugging, grunting young person you barely recognise.

I found that I had to change MY attitude & expectations otherwise I was living in a permanent state of stress & upset.

I learnt to accept that it is a phase that won't last for ever. Ignore the smaller things and deal with the more important issues in a very calm and firm way.

The lovely child is still inside there somewhere and they do resurface eventually - I promise