do your teens say "I'll kill myself"

[adelicatequestion]

DD (13) says this when she is angry or upset and it's now worrying me that she might.

How many other teens say this type of thing.

Is she trying to get sympathy. 95% of the time she is lovely, but can get into a real rage particularly if her brother winds her up.

TIA

I agre with maryz. Mine have never said that.

My DD says this when she's frustrated and having a 'paddy'. She's always been like this and used to have massive tantrums when she was younger - started when she was about 2!!

She also says 'I wish you were dead'; 'I'd jump on your grave' and all manner of nasty things to DH and me (although never swearing).

After she's cooled down a bit she's very apologetic and when we've questioned her about why she says these things she tells us she gets the same feelings as during her childhood tantrums and can't control herself.

Rather than get cross with her, we either ignore her or give her a lot of cuddles and reassuring that we love her etc when she's calmed down. She says that she would never kill herself, but that this is just a way of expressing her anger to try to hurt us.

Teenagers are strange!! I dont think I ever gave my parents such grief.

No my Ds who is 13 doesnt say that. He is a only child though. I think if it was me I would help her more with the problems she is having when Dc start a row. You dont have to sort it all out but help her with her thoughts to find a solution so she doesnt get to such a place where she is talking about self harm.
Boast up her self esteem and work out ways to make her feel good about herself. eg mastering new skills ect.

my dc say it as a passive comment like: "if i have to wear that I'll have to kill myself." or "Ergh, i might as well kill myself."
You must understand that they are just kids and don't understand what it means. It' very unlikely that she'll actually want to kill herself.

My 5 yo ds1 says this.

Adel, my dd is now 20 and totally sensible and happy and lovely....BUT....when she was 13 she was the child from hell, she turned into this little manipulative pain in the neck, she would get herself worked up, she would scream, shout, storm about, she came downstairs one night and started pulling her hair and told me that she was going to kill herself....(I think because I wouldn't let her go out with her friends), honestly, unbelievable, my son burst out crying and said he didn't want to stay in the house anymore, I said I didn't either...!!! Anyways, I told her that if she was that upset about it to do it quietly...I was fed up with her....I was absolutely at the end of my rope with her, she had been storming about for about two months...she ran upstairs and cried for about an hour and then realised it was getting her nowhere, I won't say her mood drastically improved but she didn't threaten it again.....( I paid her brother a £5 to go upstairs and keep an eye on her without her knowing), I was terrified she would go ahead and do something but she was just testing me and trying to push my buttons...and her hormones were mental....thank god she came out of it a few years later....sometimes teenager girls are just too full of hormones.

This can be a horribly scary thing. My 13 yr old ds has said this on and off over the yrs, starting at about 9. He is a very sensitive soul and when younger he couldn't understand his emotions which he experienced acutely and was frightened by them. His occasional unhappiness at primary school left him in unconsolable tears at night and voicing this threat. It felt very real, not just a tantrum. As happygolucky said, boosting self esteem and pouring on the love and reassurance was the route I took (and keeping a close eye just incase). It is important not to simply dismiss the comment nor to visibly freak out by it. We have to be strong for them and not show panic as this might make them feel they really have something to be suicidal about. As my ds got older, he matured into his emotions and acknowledges now when he feels this bewildering state come over him. He has more understanding and control over it and I realise that the thought of killing himself in the past was not real as such, just a desperate outburst of confusion and the only way he thought he could overcome the emotions he was feeling.

My 9 yr old dd also says it, but this is different and definitely a tantrum outburst.

My 13yr old has said this when she's in a fury, and it culminated in her taking an overdose about a month ago. She took six ibuprofen but told her dad about it almost immediately. The end result was a night in hospital and we now have a CAMHS referral.

I think it can be a very throwaway remark made by kids and teens, but I don't think it should be taken too lightly. At the very least it requires a sit down and a chat about what a serious thing suicide (or attention seeking suicide attempts) can be and how it wrecks the lives of those left behind.

Best of luck, 13yr olds are bloody hard work as I'm discovering all too well.

I agree with PixieOnaLeaf that a gentle chat with the child about how it is not something to say lightly is a good idea but also agree with Scrumpet that as a parent we shouldn't just ignore the comment as an overdramatic outburst with no substance. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and your experiences, it must have been very frightening for you all.

As I said earlier, as a parent we have to stay calm and strong, whether we think the comment is made just to get positive attention or if its said with intention. Every parents' nightmare.

Going off on a tangent my nasty violent evil EX step dad used to use "Im going to kill myself" all the time, when he had disagreements with my mother... my mum stupidly believed him and gave in to him every time as 'she couldnt live with herself if he kiled himself'

then the vile bastard violently attacked me, covered me in bruises etc, I said immediatly, that id go to the police, he looked me in the eye and said "if you do that i'll kill myself" ,I looked him back in the eye and told him "Go and jump, make sure you dont involve anyone else, and great my mum wont have to bother divorcing you if your dead" .... then went to the police...
(mother was furious... if he killed himself it would have been my fault, bla bla bla)

anyway he didnt kill himself and next time i met the vile man i greated him "Oh i thought you'd be dead by now"
Thankfully my mum has divorced him now

Its just a way of getting attention... anyone who really plans to kill themselves, doesnt really talk about it