dh and i just had 'words' ended in me putting phone down.
background - i hae been made redundant so constantly thinking about future finances, although for the moment we are ok.
the kids were each left over £1000 when my mother died over 4 years ago.
dd and ds (twins 17) are both in different colleges.
dd goes to college and holds down a part time job to pay for her sundries.
the issue: the kids have been staying out regularly at friends - in itslef not a problem - but its during the week and they aren't telling us that they are stopping out.
if they decide to come home they come home at stupid o'clock.
we had a phone call from ds's college to ask whyhe wasn't in - on monday. he stopped out monday night and came home at about 1am this morning - i got out of bed to let him in.
dd stopped out - i don't know where she didn't tell me. she came home this morning to get ready for college - dd is in a steady relationship and tbh i wasn't worried.
i ended up having an epic EPIC conversation with ds at 1am. he walked in dressed head to toe in new togs -
he then tried telling me that they wern't new
the new shiny DCs wern't new he told me
the jeans brand new shiny uncreased CLEAN jeans - they wern't new he told me.
the CLEAN uncreased NAMED hoody - not new he told me.
after a bloody long time he admitted he got his passbook and went to thebank, he admitted that all the money is gone and that he has been spending it over a period of months.
so i said " SOOOOOO Mr. new jeans, what did you get your dad for xmas? me? your brother? your sister?"
he got his sister a teddybear. i was glad at least he thought of her.
now this is the REAL ISSUE
ds needs ....not shitting you....£400 for a trip as a compulsory part of his college course.
something we talked about before he started it
its a sports diploma and he has had lots of equipment bought him, wetsuits etc.
plus bus fare of £20 pw.
we paid for
when working out the finances before he started the course - i said that he would have to use some of the inheritance money to pay for the£400 trip - becuase we couldn't afford to - AND AT THAT POINT - i was working!
at 7.30 tonight we are having a chat with both of them.
re-setting kerfew, whats expected of them etc.
only this isnt a conversation becuase to say we are pissed off is the fucking understatement of the year.
its come to a head dh and i are overfilled balloons and we are going to explode.
now, dh is so laid back hes fucking horizontal! i'm all for the easy life, and i want the kids to have experiences, lots of friends and enjoy youth for what youth is.
i am probably more lax than most parents - becuse on the whole they are usually pretty good kids - well DD is.
but get DH riled and he gets scary angry. and one sarcy comment, one smirk - and he will explode.
so i'm telling him that on the phone - we need to decide what to talk about what sanctions, what time they are going to come in etc.
and he tells me - thats the thing - we have no sanctions - if we lock the door at 10.30 - they will go to their brothers and NOT go to college the next day.
i say fine - they don't go to college - at some point they have to take responsability for their own lives.
i tell dh he can't get angry with the kids and do something stupid
he says hes going to have two suitcases ready and if they don't like what we have to say they can both fuck off to their brothers.
then he tells me to unwrap the xbox we bought ds for xmas becuase its going back.
the money is paying for the college trip.
i sid - ds can't wake upxmas morning without ANYTHING.
dh says that i am taking any authority he has away and making him impotent
i said fine - do what you want and put phone down.
so lots of issues there - mostly for background
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes - i know we should be calm and have a calm conversation - but its seriously past that point now.
i know we should
i know thats your advice
but we are past reason - we reason every single fucking day
i get up at 7 am to take ds to college ( its very far) in the car sohe doesn't have to skateboard to the bus stop - takes him an hour to skateboard to the bus stop to get to college ( told you its a long way) yet this isn't recognised as a nice thing to help him out - i get shit all help in return and anyway - im rambling but IM PISSED OFF A LOT.
so the issue is - do you thin its fair for ds to wake up with shit all on xmas day
that we take back his present
to pay for the trip £400
kbecuase he spent his inheritance money ( which i was hoping was going to get him through his CBT and get him a bike so he could be mobile and take his fucking tight selfish arsed self to college) on shit
well?
sorry for really fucking long insane post.