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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

"Is going your hair more important than getting to college on time?" argghhhh!!

11 replies

whenigrowup · 30/11/2010 08:58

A morning rant if I may. Eldest son is at college at the moment. He scraped in by the skin of his teeth thanks to an admission team who were happy to give him a chance. I'm so frustrated now that he regards getting ready to be a priority over getting there on time. We live very rurally so he has a 15 mile drive. I know staff are concerned that his time keeping isn't brilliant. I also know full well that it's down to him to get himself there and on time but am I alone in finding it so frustrating when our nearest and dearest seem to not have the foresight to realise when they are potentially messing things up! (the rant of every parent I know). I am so worried that if he messes up, this will be an opportunity gone and he'll be stuck at home in the middle of nowhere with only a couple of GCSEs to his name; not good and no easy solution (and don't even get me started on the withdrawal of EMA next year.....) :(

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BrokenRing · 30/11/2010 10:09

Heh. We had this too. Scraped in time to catch the bus every morning. Sometimes we had to give lifts to the bus-stop. Two years later they're at uni and couldn't be less bothered about hair.

Like most things, it's a phase.

Archmum · 30/11/2010 16:07

We have the same problem with eldest son - Age 17. The lengths we have to go to to get him to college really annoy me; breakfast in bed and lift to the bus stop (15 min walk) all because it takes him so long to get ready and if it all goes wrong he wont go. It is all about self-esteem and image - He has none! We thought it would improve once he had a girlfriend but it has actually made it worse as she is stunning and he feels unworthy of her. All we can do is provide the clothes/lifts/hairspray and hope that he grows out of it. How he will cope once he gets to Uni I have no idea.
BTW he is 6'3", we think he is really good looking and he is predicted 3 'A's.....!!!

Original poster

whenigrowup · 30/11/2010 17:05

Ah archmum they could be twins!! you are right, it is all about self esteem and, although my son (also 17) is very 'good looking' he is convinced that unless he spends an hour on his very short hair he will be unfit to be seen (I think we're close to destroying the ozone layer with the amount of hairspray used weekly). A couple of weeks ago he drove half an hour to college, got out and slipped on some mud thus getting a muddy stain on the side of one thigh. He got back into his car and drove home. No, don't say anything, I know!...(confused)

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Original poster

whenigrowup · 30/11/2010 17:06

Hmm, tried to do the confused face but failed!

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littlejo67 · 30/11/2010 20:55

I feel your pain my DS is 14 and has an image to live up to apparently! We have had two letters home warning about his constantly missing registration over the last year. He stands in front of the mirror swishing his hair to one side, putting my foundation on his spots (hardly got any as he has a evening facial routine ). Then sometimes he gets all upset as his hair is not right and runs off to wet it and re swish it. He has only just come out of the linx phase, how he has not got breathing difficulties I do not know!

Original poster

whenigrowup · 01/12/2010 00:26

Thank you littlejo that sounds so familliar; I take some comfort in knowing we're not the only ones who are battling with this :)

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Tortington · 01/12/2010 00:33

i've bent over backwards for my kids and its been thrown back in my face by ds2 who shows very little appreciation.

ido give him lifts to college when i have fuck all else to do, but monday he didn't get up on time

and i'm not fucked to be honest. i just told him that if he fucks up college, he'll have to get a job to contribute to the house as i have been made redundant

now i have 'devolved' the power over his life to him, he makes an effort like he never has before.

GetOrfMoiLand · 01/12/2010 00:48

Bollocks - sorry you have been made redundant custardo.

What a bloody arse.

WelshCerys · 01/12/2010 13:39

whenigrowup - you are NOT alone!!

DS2 went through the most awful, prolonged phase last year and the year before of being really, really late or simply absent form college (aged 16/17). Left in Feb last year and back this year, by the skin of his teeth, with a much better attitude - though by no means good enough (frankly). Still, far too much left til the last minute and still needs constant reminders to get out of bed and too many lifts - it's a distance away but very gettable to by train. I wish you luck - like others, I'm sure it will pass soon - sometimes these kids need a jolt - mine had it and it's helped..

You mention EMA. I THINK mine gets it - he's very cagey about it and we certainly don't see any of it. Plus we give him money every morning - as he pleads poverty.

Tough one. I wish to goodness it went to parents - I can see the logic but I cant be the only Mum whose DS/D keeps it to themselves AND expects to be bailed out for every little expense.

Original poster

whenigrowup · 06/12/2010 14:52

Thank you all for your supportive comments; revisiting today as I feel majorly in need of a boost. I'm not ashamed to say that I've spent the last hour in floods of tears (feel slightly the better for it!). Having spoken to son's tutor this morning it appears that today is a deadline for several pieces of work. DS has not gone into college today as he is (as we speak) finishing them off to e mail in. His personal tutor is not impressed that he didn't go in and has told me that his tutors have recommended a 'fail' letter be issued (ie, he's out). It's all his responsibility and he needs a kick up the backside, etc. I have laid it on the line with him; he knows. I feel absolutely distraught that he has very probably cut off his best chance of a future. He's shortly going to be 18, messed up a year after leaving school with 3 gcses, now, one term into a college course we could be back to square one. I know we'll get through somehow and it's not the end of the world but boy it certainly feels like it at the moment. Am waiting to hear from college later this pm whether there are any options left.

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walkinZombie · 13/01/2011 17:07

Yes..yes it is lol

when I weas a teen I would spend an hour n '
half
getting ready in the morning ,(full make up n hair straightened)
mum would be going mad at me having no breakfast and always being late. Eventually I learnt being hungry in a classroom trying to focus is no fun, and no one really cared that much about my hair, so i stopped being silly lol.

theres such a thing as natural justice

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