How to deal with 13 year old upsetting all family

[febel]

I realise everyone has prob heard all this before, and I'm sure there are thousands out there like me...but please, how can I deal with my totally OBNOXIOUS 13 year old daughter. She is so mouthy and rude and aggressive, to me especially I am at my wits end.her elder sister is 18 and her younger sister upsets her terribly with her obnoxious behaviour toward me and others. I just don't know where I've gone wrong. I can't understand how she treats me like I'm dirt, and speaks to me like that too as my other two girls didn't, in such a"in your face" aggressive manner.She has the biggest chip on her shoulder ever. I feel like she'll drive me to a heart attack at times she gets me so mad but nothing seems to work with her..taking her phone off her, not much use grounding her cos she doesn't care. she leads a nice life, goes to school clubs and plays an instrument (lessons and exams paid for by us), is going abroad with her band next year, ...but nothing we do is good enough

I would tell her she can't go abroad next year until she behaves.

I would take everything away, including school clubs and trips abroad. Give her chores and responsibility and when she's rude to you send her to her room for 30 minutes,.

Oh I will watch this with interest! My dd, same age, can be an absolute darling...but she can do the polar opposite, just like you describe. Particularly bad tonight...oh and that nothing is good enough sounds so famliar. I try not to rise to it. Sometimes I lose it. Sometimes I talk really quietly when she is in one, and get really "sympathetic" in a oh yes it must be really awful having all these things...blah blah blah, very sarcastically.

Let's hear from those who've been there done that and survived unscathed, please

What's she like towards her dad?

Sending teenagers to their room is all very well, but what if they refuse to move and no threats (of taking phone off etc) work?

Well this sounds familiar. You need to stay grounded and calm. its the key, its vital. Your teenager you are living with may know exactly what to do to push your button's. Teenagers (not all) will push boundaries, some will even act in certain ways to get you to react badly. Keep this in mind and try to be one step ahead. Teenagers are not children and they are not pure at heart unless it suits them. They act the child for attention when it suits but oppositely want to be treated like an adult when it suits. Teenagers can be emotionally manipulative and controlling with their wants and demands especially from what i have personal experience with extended families. Teenagers often behave like two year olds. However, You are the man of your house, you pay the bill's and put food on the plates. Maybe you are not authoritive in character but maybe it is time to assert yourself. Embrace your role as father figure if that is your desire at this stage? Be firm but fair. Talk with your partner so you have support and someone to listen to how you feel. Don't change plan's to suit this teen either. Teen's often think that the world evolves around them but hey mum and dad have lives too and its wrong for a child or teen to dictate what they should do and when etc. Pick up on bad language and rudness. Say it is not acceptable in your house. Send this teen to her/His room. Give her/himtime to cool down and think. She'll turn out good eventually. Keep at it. Don't give up. You may be hated to start with but you will be respected in the long term and probably end up close.