What do I do

[HarryStyleslover]

I have just turned 14 and for the last 7 months I have been very upset with myself. In april I noticed that a few people in the year above were talking, pointing, lauging an staring at me.I didn't like it at all. I know that it is me that they are talking about because I have heard them say things about me. Until the end of July I was trying to get my mam to let me move to a different school away from them because I had stopped eating on a lunchtime because I always went into my school libary where you aren't allowed to eat but it was the only place where I knew I wouldn't see any of them.
I began to loose friends and I wasn't invited to their birthday parties and they never asked me if I wanted to go out on a weekend. I was getting very upset but it felt like my mam just didn't care :(
I used to pull my hair out, burn my hands and sometimes cut myself. I couldn't help it and I don't know why I started doing it.
In May I started to talk to a counsoler (I know I spelt it wrong) in school. Things were getting a bit better but I still wasn't eating anyting. Then in september when I went back to school I decided I would start going in the dinner hall. But a month later I noticed more people starring and talking. I stopped going in the dinner hall agan and went bck to th libary.
Last week I had been to see the counseller and when I came out o school told my mam that I had spoken to her. My mam said "You can't have special treatment just because you are wiered" that was one of the worst things I had ever heard her say.
Now I really want to go to a different school because I am behind on loads of school work because the teachers have put me in classes which are really hard and I don't eat anything at lunch time.

How do I convince my mam to let me go to a differnt school

Sorry that the this is so long xx

Maybe it's because you can't spell.

Yes I can spell?

What's with the question mark?

You're making a statement. It doesn't require one.

What's with the mean comments?

I CAN spell
I said 'sorry this is so long', because I thought people probably don't want to read something that long.
And I have a very good memory.

And what is that all about: If you want to troll, you must try harder.

hmmm...tell your mum exactly whats happening...if you can't, maybe you can speak to your Doctor, its good you are speaking to someone about this...

Take sandwiches to eat anywhere in school where you can.

If you have been taking a lot of time off school, then keeping friends will be hard.

i think you must concentrate on making friends out of school. keeping friends requires work.

in school, you need to concentrate on your school work, ask for help to catch up and continue seeing your counsellor.

There is nowhere in school to eat except for the dinner hall

I'm not allowed any day's off school, my friends don't want to be my friends anymore because I never see them because I am always in the libary and I am in lower classes to them. I have 2 friends who I have known all of my life but I only see them on holidays.

I try my best at school but I am always find it hard to concentrate because I am tired all the time. I find it hard to sleep on a night

I have spoken to my mam about everything but she just doesn't listen :(

you can sneak a sandwich anywhere, even in the library.

there are places in school at lunchtime that you don't find other pupils - certain blocks, certain stairwells, maybe a classroom or a cloakroom, you know if you think about it that you can eat during the day if you want to.

so the list is this

you can't sleep
you don't eat
you can't hand around with friends becuase they are in a higher class
you are self harming

so taking these in turn

sleep - this is worry, i do it too and until you feel comfortable with the other things, you are going to continue to procrastinate and wish morning wouldn't come

you can eat somewhere - you know you can

ask a teacher for some extra work and help. See your head of year and if they are aware of your issues, as they probably are, maybe they will be sympathetic to you moving classes. this might be difficult if its sciences or maths, but anything else should be do-able.

self harming - you are seeing a counsellor - so you are doing the right thing, welldone.

Thanks for your help :)

you are most welcome

I agree with custardo, is there a teacher that you get on well with and can ask for help, does the school have mentoring peers that may be able to help you. My DD's school at peer mentoring they are usually students in the sixth form who will listen to your concerns and it is confidential. It is important to continue seeing your counsellor, what about an aunt or uncle or grandparents you could talk to if your mum will not listen. It is very important that you eat something during the day to maximise your concentration.

What is with the negative comments desiderata, we come on here for some moral support and clearly this young lady needs some guidance and support not negative comments. I was always brought up with , if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all.

I'm guessing you are in England - do you have designated "Guidance" teachers as we do in Scotland?
They should be able to help you - and will listen to your worries.

Custardo is right about the eating part- is there a lunchtime club/activity you could attend? They often allow pupils to eat lunch during those.

And definitely ask your subject teachers about some extra support to help you catch up with any missed work. A lot of them might have lunchtime/after school study groups.

BBC bitesize has lots of revision stuff and www.skoool.co.uk has a lot of stuff too.

Best wishes to you Harry X

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through. I've been there unfortunately. 26 now and you wouldn't even know the stuff I went through at school. I too was bullied, starting pulling my hair out (I have no eyebrows now and draw them on), stopped eating at times and cut myself. That's awful what your mum said to you but it's possible she doesn't understand. I say give her a shock and show her your cuts. Tell her THIS is what you are doing because you can't cope and have no one to turn to. I dunno if it will make things worse but could they be much worse?

Are you having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in counselling? This helped me stop pulling my hair out (didn't get it soon enough to save my eyebrows though). Can you tell a teacher at school about the bullies? I regret never doing this. Also, I used to eat my lunch in the school toilets in a cubicle. Not very hygenic but it meant I was eating at least. Sometimes I would sit and do my homework there too.

You need to stress to your mum how bad things are and that it isn't that you are weird, it is that people are making things hard for you and you can't cope.

First things first, get eating. Anywhere you can, sneak a sandwich anywhere.

Big hugs. You can get through this. If I can then anyone can! When I left school it was the best day of my life and a whole new start. You will get through this.

How about giving childline a call, they will probably be able to give you lots of useful advice :) sorry you are going through this, must be hell for you.

Thanks everyone for all your help. My mam still won't listen to me. Yesterday I really didn't want to go to school but I knew that I had to. When I got there I couldn't stop crying, I don't really know why.
Today I managed to eat most of the lunch that I took to school :)
Tomorrow there is a club that I usually go to and you are allowed to eat in there so that will be good.

Enchantica : My mam has seen my cuts before but she just looked a bit disapointed and she didn't say anything.

I can't decide if she just doesn't care or can't deal with it.

I am sorry you have to go through all this is must be horrible for you.
You need to go and talk to a teacher or the school nurse. They in turn could contact your mum and speak to her for you. They can also give her advice on how to help you.
I would also try and join some groups in or after school to help you make new friends.
I hope things start getting better for you soon, I think once your happier in school you will start sleeping better xx

I hate to say it but if your mum won't listen then you need to find someone who will. Try speaking to your Connexions Adviser in school. You can usually find out how to get in touch with them via your careers teacher and if they ask any questions then you can just say that you want to ask something about jobs / colleges etc. I work in schools and would be more than happy to have any students to join me at lunchtime.

I have been seeing a counsellor for about 4 months now.Today I saw her again but it didn't really help me much.
I got into trouble for eating in the libary so I only managed to eat half a sandwhich.

This is sad to read. You need to tell your counsellor that you are not feeling better. She should be giving you coping strategies to help. I had CBT a couple of years ago and it was excellent.

As already said you need a teacher you can confide in. I also had a lot or problems at school. My parents knew nothing about it until one day it ended up with me being attacked on a bus. My Dad got involved then and it all stopped but I had already suffered for two years by then.

Don't wait for friends to talk to you, go and talk to them. Do you have a local youth club you could join or activities outside of school? Do you like music or drama?

Me again, reading what you have written it sounds like you have low self esteem and a lack of confidence. I don't think that moving school will help unless you have a good friend at the school you want to go to. Low self esteem will follow you unless you can sort it out with your counsellor. good luck.

Secondhandrose: Since I was 6 I have wanted to be an actress so yes I do like drama. My mam can't afforrd for me to have any lessons though so I probbably never will be able to be an actress :/. I don't really think I have low self esteem, I think I just worry too much. I do have a friend at another school but he is in the year below me.
Thank you and I'm sorry about what you had to go through it must of been awful for you

Hi, don't you worry about me. More concerned about you. I wasn't talking about drama lessons, I was thinking of a local drama group where they put on shows and you can get involved. I don't think it costs anything.

Try and make friends outside of school. Could you join your local Scouts? They do some great stuff and you will meet people. Forget about the idiots at school. Concentrate on your studies, work hard so you can get a good job and you can wave at them when you see them working in McDonalds or pregnant.

Believe in yourself that you will be fine. X