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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Should I tell DS GF parents about his suicide attempt. (Long, sorry)

7 replies

TryingtoQuit · 03/11/2010 00:59

My DS(SS)17 took an overdose 2 years ago after his then GF split up with him. He was totally besotted and would spend as much time as possible with her. There were no previous signs of depression or self harm, he ended up in hospital for a week and received counselling for a few months. He had recently begun to mix with a new crowd who were of the EMO type and his 'new' best friend often cut him self. Not the most desirable influences.

He was doing well at school until he got in with that crowd, but with a bit of TLC and encouragement we managed to get him through his GCSEs (6 ok grades and 2 A's)

Now in his second year of A'levels, after not doing too well in his AS exams this August, he is, for all intent and purpose, repeating himself. His present GF attends the same collage and they share some courses. We have barely seen him for the past 3 weeks as her parents allow him to stay over when ever he wants. DS and GF have been looking at and applying to the same Uni's and he has even said all he wants to do is be with her.

We have tried talking with him about 'his' future and emphasising that we are not trying to break them up, but both DH and I are terrified of a repeat of 2 years ago (we have not told DS this). I managed to persuade DS to give us his GF's home number so we can speak with her parents. DS and GF have been seeing each other for about 8 months, she is a very nice young lady and they seem to treat each other with respect and care.They are both young adults and need to make their own mistakes,so would telling GF's parents about DS's past be a parental blunder too far?

ANY advice or thoughts would be helpful as we don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
PositiveAttitude · 03/11/2010 04:26

I have no experience from the same side as you, but my DD1's first boyfriend attempted suicide when she called it off at about the same age as your DS was. It was awful and I really feel for you.
However, I am not sure it would be a good move to tell the GF's parents now. In our case the boy was ok, had counselling and grew up a lot in the next couple of years. I do see his mum occasionally, but I know his mum thinks he would be ok now if he was in the same situation.

I can understand your worries, but if your son thinks this is in the past and he has moved on and grown up, then I suggest you dont tell them.
BUT, how well do you know the parents? If you know them well, maybe something just dropped into the conversation would be ok. But if the girl is going to finish it at any point the fact that she has the added pressure of knowing that he may consider ending his life could just be too much for her.
know DD1 felt she had to stay with her now ex just to keep him from committing suicide and it was all really hard.

I think talking with your son is the way to go and keeping communication very open with him, so that if anything happens he will come and speak with you.

Not too sure thats very useful, but hope some one comes along who is more coherent. (a bit early for me!!Smile)

HystericalMe · 03/11/2010 04:41

Do you think he needs other friends?
The gf parent's could be encouraging the gf to do things in groups rather than letting them get too intense and him be too reliant on her.

cory · 03/11/2010 09:15

The question is, what would you expect the girlfriend/her parents to do with this information? Feel she must never break up with him even if she is unhappy because of the suicide risk? Or dump him straightaway before he gets too involved? Or just walk on eggshells? It could become a self-fulfilling prophecy, if it makes her too wary around him. After all, there is a chance that he has got better with the counselling.

TryingtoQuit · 03/11/2010 13:01

Thanks for your thoughts HM & Cory. What will be will be, I suppose. And your right Cory, there probably isn't much point in telling GF's parents, but maybe asking them to kick him out on school nights is a better idea. Life is not going to be easy for this generation, I'm just trying to be too overprotective. You know how us (step)mums all have the power to correctly predict the mistakes future of our DS/D's Wink. I am beginning to hope DS&GF prove me wrong, it's just not a position I'm used to being in.

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cory · 03/11/2010 13:03

It is so hard, isn't it?

TryingtoQuit · 03/11/2010 13:03

Didn't mean too leave you out of my appreciation PositiveAttitude. Thank you.

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TryingtoQuit · 03/11/2010 14:25

Yes Cory. DS is a bit of a Boy/Man at the mo. It's all new ground and I just have to keep reminding myself that its time to stop 'telling' him how things are and let him find it out for himself. No matter what I may believe is round the corner. Plus its all good practise for when DD's reach this stage in a few years time Wink.She says as she slowly curls up into a ball and rocks gently

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