mixed sex sleepovers

[lucielooo]

I'm hoping someone with a bit of experience can help! I'm SM to 2 teenage boys (SM=zero experience of teenagers except being one!) Eldest (nearly 15) has a sleepover tonight at a girls house, says there will be about 6-8 of them. Does this sound ok?

Fully understand that girls/boys can be friends just as much as same sex so not sure if I am being too suspicious based on my own (not exactly exemplary) teenage behaviour? Just wondering if it's more 'a party' than 'a sleepover' and if so whether it would be better to pick him up rather than let him stay all night?

I may well be being overly suspicious but SS is a bit erm, economical with the truth at times..

Any thoughts gratefully recieved!

Hmm - could go either way. Are there parents involved? At this age I made my dd phone me with the address or house phone number when she got there ("so i can come and rescue you if necessary") but as long as I had that she could stay over. At some stage you just have to remember what you did at that age, accept that some disasters are inevitable, and let them get on with it while having an Emergency Plan up your sleeve (as I am sure our own parents did).

It is fairly likely that a bottle of vodka will be smuggled in by someone but I doubt it will be an orgy.

What do SSs parents (Mum AND Dad) say? He's their son.

At 15 I used to pick DS1 up. Not so much because of the girls, but because of the drink. At least if he knew his mum was going to pick him up he had a reason not to drink himself senseless.

At 16, and having shown himself to be a responsible drinker, I do let him stay over.

No good can come of sleepovers at that age. If he can stay out all night drinking with girls at that age, he'll never have to leave home, will he? I'm only half-joking.

it depends on the group. I spent 2 years between 14 and 16 having sleepovers which were 3/4 girls and 3/4 boys 2 years older. We were all responsible and they were sleepovers - we were all like brothers and sisters mostly (though I do confess to the odd fondle, we were very well behaved!!)

oldenough DP is semi-wary but had very innocent teenage years so not as suspicious as me. Unfortunately SS and his mum have a difficult relationship without going into detail they have fallen out and as of yesterday she has asked for SS to live with us (which is a whole other story) so I am pretty sure she would say no.

SS is a young 14 (15 in Jan) and it's the drink rather than the girls that worries me.

Spoke to DP this morning (sleepover only mentioned last night) and he is going to drop SS of and check there are parents present.

Lol at bitoffun :) I think the reason I am worried is there are a number of issues with SS at the moment but thankfully he isn't yet into drinking etc (we have him every weekend so can say this with reasonable certainty) but he is unruly and I really dread this next phase.

My DS1 went through a phase of mixed sex sleepovers last year when he was 13. I told him at the time that I may not allow him to go to them when he was older.
At 13/14 they were all just good friends and there were no relationships among them. Now at 14/15 I think it's a little different.

The possibility of drink is, I think, more likely at a boys only sleepover, I would always check with the parents that they will be supervised at that drink is not allowed.
I have explained at lenghth to DS about how alcohol affects different people, ie loss of inhibition, aggression, risk taking.
DS says he won't drink and I believe him, he will have an occasional drink at home but so far has not been to a prty with drink.

DS2 however is a different child. He is 12 and much more rebellious.I am bracing myself for him to be a trickier teenager than his brother.

No Maryz, you are most definitely not the only one who thinks this is a bad idea - mixed sex sleepovers are a recipe for disaster because somewhere along the line someone is going to get hold of a silly amount of alcohol, and the only reason I can think of that a teenager would want to host such an event would be for the mischief that could be had [hgrin]. In the same way that while I was living at home I was expected home (and usually collected or driven home in a lift share arrangement with a pool of Mums and Dads) I would apply the same conditions and principles of care with my own children.

Well it all turned out ok there were six of them - DP dropped SS off and the girls mother checked that he was aware/happy that it was mixed and confirmed that she was going to be there and not just leaving them to it.

From asking DP about it they seemed a fairly young for their age group (SS is) though I know appearances can be deceptive! SS seems somewhat naive about alcohol tbh.
It is difficult, because I think it's hard to justify that you can't go purely on the basis of there being girls present because on the whole mixed sex friendships are healthy.

So far so good this time, and do appreciate your thoughts - thank you.

Marz

No you are not the only one (but thought I was!)
Good to hear that I am not the 'strictest parent ever' - Dd is 16 in January and is not allowed to mixed sleepovers, tbh the rumours etc that have come out of some of them she is glad she hasn't, they seem to have died off now too, Year 11 so she doesn't need to turn down the invites anyway!