'Hope you get beaten up'

[mamas12]

I'm not posting this in aibu.
I am fed up of his aggression
Story order:
Haven't seen the dcs all week, they've been with their dad. Half an hour before I was giving them a lift somewhere ds (14)calls in and is hyped up, I started to tickle him and he 'accidentally' hit my arm quite hard. Made him apologise.
On the way in the car he asked who Danny Dyer is (!) so I said do you really want to know and he said yes.
So I said that he is some sort of an actor who has been sacked from a few writing jobs etc. for his extreme violent views against women.
ds then says he is his new hero and role model. Bearing mind I haven't raised my voice once in all this and he is ranting about how unfair I was to judge him, everyone has different views in this world. When he got out the car I said the above quote in a singy songy way.

He said what! I said well that's what you want isn't it, a bit of violence in your life.

I am a prat, I shouldn't have taken the bait
I know. Especially as I saw him tell the ex when getting into his car and saw his face.

You hope your child gets beaten up and you're worried about HIS aggression?

I obviously didn't mean it. i am a pacifist and it came out wrong. I was just trying to reflect his attitude back to him.

Thank you maryz! Was getting to overthink it a bit here on my own.
Will be seeing him tomorrow or the next so we'll see how we are together then. It's soooo hard!
That's the first time I've said something like that.

14 year old boys are the most trying form of life on earth - I agree - we've all said things we regret to our teenage sons - apologise and move on. I keep reminding myself that under all the grunting and bravado and 'fuck off' stares my 14 year old is a sensitive child who needs reassurance that he is a worthwhile human being and is loved whatever.

I've recently got into a vicious circle of him being foul and me nagging - have stopped the nagging (god, it is SO hard) and he is turning a corner and becoming more pleasant to have around again. I love him to bits and yet at ties could happily throttle him!!

Not sure this helps, but many of us on here are struggling with teenage sons - have a cup of coffee and a large slice of cake - hug him when he gets home and try to ignore his hero worship - sure it will wear off when he sees no reaction

Another parent of teenagers offering sympathy for the loss of control.
Not rising to the bait is the most effective way, but also one of the most difficult.
They will often have different views to you on numerous topics.
Another hard area is not to snigger when they change that viewpoint based on experience.

desert and goblin
Thanks it's good to know you know what I'm going through.

He won't let me hug atm so I'll have to reach out to him through the medium of food.

food is good too