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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenager know it all

6 replies

Jayles · 28/10/2010 16:58

My daughter has to have the last word on everything, knows it all, I get back chat and lip from her all the time. It sounds trivial compared with many other people's problems, but it has been building up for a long time. She is now 16 and treats me like a glorified skivvy, never offers to do anything to help round the house and expects me to drop everything to chauffeur her around when required. Argues with me 24/7 about anything and everything, always knows best. I am so fed up with it. I used to and still do respect my mum, and I am in my forties, but I don't get the same respect I gave to my mum when I was a teenager.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/10/2010 02:06

Do you demand/expect the same respect you gave your mum? Or are you a bit of a doormat? She can expect all the lifts she likes, there's no particular reason you have to agree, and if she's being a bit of an arsey twunt there's every reason to tell her to get her hiking boots on.

There's no reason for you to wash her clothes, ever enter her bedroom or even feed her. As long as food is available, there's no reason she can't cook for herself. And you. And everyone else...

Get some balls, woman!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 29/10/2010 02:08

Sorry, should really add Grin there.

But I mean it.

toomanytimes · 30/10/2010 16:06

OldLady

I guess I will try this, although I am no push over, I still get all the arguments under the sun, and expect to be her personal bank. this morning she ranted and raved because I would not give her any of my foundation, (she had run out) despite the fact that (a) I only bought her some last weekend, cheap I know 2.50 and (b) she also had some a few weeks back. Hence went out looking scary (I know its halloween. Even though at times we do not give her a lift she can be vile and slams the door on the way out. We have zero respect even though she was not brought up like this. Last night she picked a fight because she was late in 6.30 but is is dark, she said she was 10 mins away but clearly wasn't we only ask her to text but she can't even do that and when calmly told her that it is dark and we need to know that she is safe, do we get loads of shouting and abusive and stating that her friends are allowed to stay out. Are we being unfair when it is pitch black dark. We have tried the ring and we will pick you up at a friends house, but this does not work as DH did this at the beginning of the week and was left waiting and she has arrived home.

What time does anyone think it is reasonable to be in when it is now dark early.

usualsuspect · 30/10/2010 16:09

I wouldn't expect a 16 year old to be in at 6.30

hocuspontas · 30/10/2010 16:34

TBH I think this is a normal teenager! Angst, hormones etc

I was in the same position with the lifts. Now I bargain lifts. I expect a job to be done in return for a lift. A lift there and back? Well that's two jobs. E.g. Unloading dishwasher, collecting all the laundry together, feeding the pets etc. Not big things (and really, jobs they should do anyway), but enough to make them think before making demands. Don't want to help? Well they walk! I expect to be asked, not told about lifts and to be asked in advance, not told to drop everything and get flung the car keys! It worked to a certain extent with dd1, although she could always twist dp round her little finger, but dd2 and dd3 accept this is the way things are done.

Things I have learnt -

Don't get worked up and explode over small things. Not worth the risk to your health just to have the last word!
If you don't want them to do something/go someplace, explain your reasons and listen to theirs. Try to be reasonable and talk calmly. A little bit of give and take will be repaid 100 times in the future on big issues if they think you are trusting their judgement on maybe smaller issues.
NEVER argue. Make your point. Maybe repeat. Explain consequences. Walk away. Always follow up with consequences if necessary!

If ever I feel I am not following my own advice I try to imagine 20 years hence and them telling me all they remember from their childhood is me nagging and shouting. It has a real calming effect. Sad

Remember this won't last forever and you are not alone!

DiggeryGravery · 30/10/2010 16:39

When toddlers tantrum, it's best to ignore them. I feel the same way about teenagers. When she starts ranting and being rude, just walk away.

630 curfew - seems very early BUT I think it depends hugely on where you live

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