Teenagers and lack of support

[KJW1]

I have two teenagers both at college who both gang up on me so I am always in the wrong.

Today, my mistake was catching the same bus as my daughter and sitting next my other teenager's friend (it was one of the only spaces left)

I replied that she did not have a sign above her head that says that she was XX's friend so do not sit next to me.

I am unable to have a reasonable conversation with them as husband just stays silent as does not get involved in any confrontation. Both are polite and well mannered at College but at home they are just very unreasonable or helpful ie bedroom floor covered with clothes, complains about meals (but never offers to help).

I can stand up to them but what gets me down is my lack of support and I have let them down so that they are fully prepared in the real world. Any ideas

I wouldn't rise to any comments made about buses, it is just not worth it. Choose your battles carefully.

If they want to live in a dirty bedroom, let them. My rule is friends do not come round if DS' bedroom is not tidy.

If he were to complain about food then I would ask him to cater for himself (luckily he eats anything pout in front of him).

I pre-warn DH that I need/expect support if I tackle an issue with DS so that DH doesn't have a choice!

Do you finance their social life? I find cash is a good incentive.

Is this about the normal nature of teens (incredibly entitled and rude) or ...your husband?

blackmail teens - its the only way

I think sitting down BY YOURSELF & working out what YOU expect from THEM would be a good idea. Do this BEFORE talking to them - on a 1 to 1 basis about what they expect from you etc. My 16 yr old DSS has been living with us for 5 years - it's been like having Chucky in the house for the past 3 but I think (& I say this with crossed fingers) that we may eventually be turning a corner, I also have a 14 yr old DS & 8 yr old DD. I do not think you have let your children down, I would also try talking to your husband to try to get his support - he's probably as fed up with the situation as you are. Explain that you want things to change for everyone's sake - not just yours.
The rules in my house (& it is mine - not theirs) are as follows -

1. if it needs washed then put it in the laundry basket - I will wash & dry it - do not complain if you don't have clean clothes if they are still lying on the floor.
2. I will prepare meals & do shopping - if you finish something write it on my list - if you don't plan on being home for dinner then I need to know in advance.
3. There will be chores - I work 6 days a week & am not a Slave - I need a small amount of help - decide what chores you would like them to do & make them responsible for their own space.
4. Bedtimes & curfews
5. Homeworks must be done or there is no going out - includes weekends
6. We are a team - the world is full of horrible people - if you don't have anything nice to say at home then say nothing - be respectful. Teenagers can be horrible but being a teenager is not an excuse to be nasty.
7. Please & Thankyou - "I want" doesn't get
8. There are birthdays & Christmas - if there is something they would like then by all means let me know - they may get it as a reward / surprise for helping out, if not then there's alway Xmas, they don't get things for nothing.
9. A part time job is great for building self-esteem, confidence & encouraging independence
10. No means NO - If I say no then don't go & ask Dad - you need your partner's support on that one - they are sneaky! PS If all else fails I'm buying 1 of those 12 month round the world plane tickets & moving!! Good Luck