I really need help - DN is coming home in a minute and I can't imagine what I should say to him.

[mamateur]

I had a call from the school to say he has been causing low-level disruption pretty much constantly for weeks, rudeness, sent to exit room etc. then today there was an altercation with another boy and a teaching assistant was heavily shoved.

We only got DN a few weeks ago - I have done lots of posts, orphaned, brought up by granny till he got too much, chose to come to us after problems at his school/falling out with his friends.

What on earth do I say? I have disabled his computer (life support machine) and DP is on his way home. We have an appt with the teacher tomorrow (with DN).

I suppose we should ask him to explain himself as far as possible. Feeling very out of my depth and just so so so disappointed in DN.

Sounds like you're coming up with good ideas- best of luck!

I think you are right to want him in a group that will really stimulate him. Am hoping for something similar for ds when he goes up to secondary. By the sounds of it, your dn needs to get in with people who do not have preconceived notions of his (lack of) ability.

(But do tell your dh that this is about your nephew as a person, not about what genes he ought to have as a member of this clever family. Doesn't always work like this and may not even with his own son. My parents were highly academic- two of their offspring went on to do PhDs and have ademic careers, one set up his own business and one became a trawlerman. Subsequent experience has shown that we all did what was right for us)

Agree with maryz about rewards. We have always rewarded effort rather than achievement (important when you have more than one child with different abilities).
Our school gives a report each term where all the subject teachers give grades for behaviour in class, effort and attainment. We give £x per A for effort. It might help to agree in advance what the reward will be.

Also for small treats or rewards for a step in the right direction my two are gready little creatures who respond well to chocolate or pop.