Y9 attitude to homework

[Niceguy2]

I've been a LP for nearly 9 years now. Not that this is really related I guess.

DD is now 14 years old and in Y9 at school.

She's always been a very bright child and as a result if I am honest has been allowed to be a bit lazy when it comes to homework.

She's always simply been able to use her intelligence, get away with doing the bare minimum whilst always being in the top sets.

However, now she's started in Y9, school have kicked it up a notch and I am starting to see signs she's struggling.

On the whole its when she's been set a task where she has to do research, come up with ideas and present them. This of course takes time and effort and she's used to just slapping something basic down and getting the marks.

She's also not prioritising her homework. She'll do something due next week at the cost of something due tomorrow.

If she's not sure about something, instead of asking her teacher or myself, she's burying her head in the sand.

I've offered to help her. I've offered to speak to the teachers as she's claiming they're not helping but she's refusing.

Right now she's sat in her room crying and refusing to do any homework because i've rollocked her for her attitude.

Anyone got any suggestions about how I motivate a stubborn, lazy but ultimately intelligent teenager?

I had one of those....it seems to be a year nine thing. Does she have a homework diary that you can monitor? Help her come up with an after school timetable of study/homework time with no deviations and reward with relaxation time afterwards.

Does she have somewhere suitable to do homework?
I moved DS to the kitchen table for homework as he tried to multi task homework, facebook, tv and Xbox all at the same time in his bedroom (guess which one he didn't do very well).

She does have a study guide. I've started to ask for it daily.

She's got a desk in her room which she's pushed into her wardrobe. I've said she needs to get it out but she's refusing.

I'm going to go and stick my head through the door and see if she's in a more talkative mood yet or if I'll get my head bitten off.

Wish me luck!

Fingers crosses that you return safely

DS is in year 9 and I've just moved him back to the kitchen table as well for the same reasons as scurryfunge

Niceguy2 I think you need to have a calm chat with your DD (not easy with teenagers I know!). Setting up good homework habits now will help in the GCSE years. I would try fake sympathy as well as a way of getting through to her. In our house homework is done in the kitchen so that I'm around for help. If one of the DCs hasn't got any then they have to explain why and it being due in next week isn't a good reason.

We always return to the teenage version of the star chart when the going gets difficult - it looks very similar to the one we had to stop DD1 constantly bashing DD2 over the head whens she was 5 but instead if you follow the homework rules it gets you that new item of clothing that you are desperate for. I think its called positive reinforcement rather than bribery

I also have one of these...! Since the beginning of this term I've had to be the homework police with her. I literally have to stalk her when she's on the computer doing homework as I know she'll be multitasking with MSN, facebook and you tube too. It is frustrating as she is doing well but I know wth more effort could really fly...

I have one of those at home. DD is 14 and in Yr 9. We are even on homework report not that does much good either. Tutor emailed me today with homework set for a couple of weeks (art anyway). Same old attitude and will do it later, but later never comes. We also have issues with not turning up for detentions. I now let school deal with this to stop getting completely stressed out and pointed out to them that Saturday detentions need to be implemented for a sharp short shock. DD can be very knowledgeable when she wants and can apply herself when suited. Hope Saturday detentions are implemented and work!!!

On another note, homework is completed downstairs when she can be bothered.

Well I've left her to fester in her room. She refused her dinner...left her to it.

Went to check on her later....asleep!

Woke her up, offered to talk....grunts. Bit my tongue, offered to bring her some soup up as a peace offering then we'd talk. "OK" she grunts from under her duvet. I deliver on my part....go and watch the footie with DS....and wait.

45 mins later, nothing. Venture upstairs...asleep again!

Kept my cool, tried reasoning (with a teenager! HA! stupid me), resorted to emotional blackmail (this worked a bit better). In the end managed to "agree" cough that starting tomorrow i'd check her homework diary each day and she'd do her homework straight away. If she proves to me that she can keep on top of things then I'll back off a bit.

I cannot believe she's wasted all those hours festering in her room because of her homework! Honestly! I did remove her iphone & DS but totally forgot her old ipod which she cunningly dug out and I saw lying on her floor!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one going through this.

I swear I was never this bad as a teenager!!!! (Cue my mother laughing herself to death)

Been there, done that, got the T.shirt. Started in yr9 with DS1 too. He was a straight A student, even getting an award for outstanding academic achievement in yr8. Homework downstairs is a must, I tried removing all distractions, to no avail. He passed 11 GSCE's which is remarkable considering the total lack of effort, but grades were most certainly not A. There is no telling them. I used to get so cross. I feel for you all. DS2 looks to be heading in the same direction, at least I think I'll be more chilled second time around (I hope)! Good luck.

Thank you so much for this thread

My DS4 turned 13 at the end of July - he is one of the youngest in his year at a crappy rough borstal local High school. Never had a problem with school academically before Year 9. Tonight he spent his time texting his 'holiday' girlfriend (incidentally she is 15, he is quite short and only comes up to her boobs, and she would eat him alive and spit him out LOL), Facebooking and MSN'ing!!! In fact when he was doing his Maths online homework he was flicking in between Facebook and Maths!!!

Have got DS1 (now 28 yrs) to talk to him....he thinks his big brother is the dogs balls bees knees, so hopefully he will listen to him?

Thanks B-Lizzie.

Thing is, she has the same attitude as her mum. whose motto is "If at first you don't succeed, give up because it isn't worth the bother anyway"

Whereas I've always been more the try try try again type. So its incredibly frustrating.

It's laziness mixed with fear of failure. When I gave her some ideas yesterday, she was happy to do her work. But once she gets stuck, she just goes to pieces and gives up.

Unfortunately I don't drink so I've comforted myself tonight with lots of junk food!

I'll shut up and go to bed now!

Niceguy2 if you give her some extra help at this stage you both will feel the benefit later. Year 9 really sets them up for the later school years.

Hope the junk food was nice!

ds2 has never studied in his life and never got less than 90% in an exam, but this year instead of learning by rote and spewing it back he has to actually research, write essays, have opinions and he is finding it very hard.

We were warned by one of DS1's teachers that year 9 is reknowned for exactly this problem and that this particular teacher would be very tough on any slacking.
DS1 was also an A student with zero effort. Forwarned is forarmed we thought and I promised him a very generous bribe reward at the end of the year for every target reached and more for targets exceeded.
It cost me a fortune. I was also much more hands on than DS liked in checking and chasing him to do homework. Agree about the downstairs rule for HW.
Y10 he is a different child, head down and motivated.

Well well. DD came home from school today. She went straight upstairs, faffed around for a bit then surprised me by coming into the study and started her homework.

Again she got upset again as she's so unsure of what she's being asked to do. She's really struggling to make the leap from answering questions to researching and writing essay/report style of homework.

Anyway, she's worked really hard tonight and you can see she's happier as a result as her homework isn't as piled up as she was feeling.

I think the events of the past few days have made me realise that I must adapt my parenting style.

Thanks to all for the brilliant advice here. Especially Maryz and the not pushing when they are under pressure. I wish I had seen this before last night when we had a meltdown.

DS1 who has won all the academic prizes going at his school but has to be fair worked reasonably hard to date is suddenly struggling in y10 though. Last night found he had 3 pieces of homework and a Latin test which he had forgotten to mention. He had clearly thought test was in the feckin X factor which he had watched all weekend. I lost it. He lost it. It was an awful evening.

Back into homework managaement mode, kitchen table etc.

He doesnt seem to have any study skills beyond the read the book and hope it sticks? This is ok for a short test but won't get him through GCSES. Any advice on how to help him?

Oh wow, how familiar this thread sounds.

We had a meltdown with DS2, 14, Yr10, last night, today I have spoken to his HOY about him not turning up for a detention re: homework not handed in (2 pieces). He also had a detention for last Friday for no homework in a different subject which the school are supposed to be rescheduling but look as though they have forgotten , and seems to be at odds with his French teacher on a regular basis.

The whole class are apparently on h/w report - apparently to monitor how much they are being given and who, if anyone, is not handing it in.

Luckily, his HOY is absolutely wonderful, we are meeting with her after half term, and in the meantime we have grounded him & removed his electrics until Monday on the basis that the multitasking is obviously impossible at 14, implemented the kitchen table permanently and bought him a small whiteboard and notebook as aide memoirs, as a back up for the planner

I have always felt that he is slightly immature for his age...maybe this is a delayed Yr9??