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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Pregnant Teenager and Boyfriend Issues HELP

6 replies

rose1927 · 07/10/2010 16:07

Hi, My daughter is 17 and now 24 weeks pregnant, she is going to live at home with us and baby until she has qualified and finished her aprenticeship. We have got our heads around her having a baby and are happy to support her. The problem is her boyfriend. He is jobless, not even looking, has lost his car and owes lots of money. He is fond of the bookies, and weed. At the moment he does not come to our house. I have said he can come when he has a job and is showing that he wants to support our daughter who is still working 50 hours per week. She has recently been in tears at least once a week and there relationship has been on and off. He has also slept with someone else while she has been pregnant. She has again taken him back. She spends most of her evening with him. I am really concerned about this relationship even there friends have been warning her about him and his lack of respect for her. I want to support her but really cant bear the thought of supporting him. I know we cant tell her what to do and I understand that she feels she needs him at this vunerable time. I just can see that he is no good and this is not a relationship to bring a poor baby into. What to do is the question. We have tried talking to her and have offered her our support. She does not want us involved or to talk to us about their relationship.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 07/10/2010 16:10

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maryz · 07/10/2010 19:02

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nottirednow · 07/10/2010 20:24

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phipps · 07/10/2010 20:28

I really expected to reply in a different way but having read your whole OP I just feel sorry for you all.

I honestly think that as her mother and one who wants to support her that that has to extend to her boyfriend too. He is the father of your grandchild and is important. If you support him and show you are giving him a chance then it might give him an incentive to look for a job and be a man. What I mean is if everyone is putting him down and saying he is a waste of space then he will think what is the point?

Your dd loves this man and whatever the reason she doesn't want to give up on him. Give him a chance.

rose1927 · 07/10/2010 20:54

Hi, when I say he cannot come here I mean he cannot sleep here. We have said providing he is drug free he can come and see our daughter and the baby but must go home at night. We have tried to help him. When he did have a job and couldnt get transport to it we paid for his insurance on his car. His job lasted a month...then surprisingly the car that was on finance got burnt out...We do not like him here because the relationship is not stable and they fall out all the time. I have an older child at uni but my youngest is only 10 and this is her home I do not want her to see their relationship played out in front ofher. We will let him stay IF, he gets a job and starts to support her we have said he could stay and they could save for the future. He has been on holiday in the past with us and we did welcome him with open arms to start with. When he splits up with my daughter I get abusive texts from his family and so does my daughter. For my youngest sake I do not want anything to do with his family.

OP posts:
JuicyLucy10 · 15/10/2010 09:53

I think it is admirable of you to allow him in and make efforts in the past.

The abusive texts are what bother me as it shows the potential of things to come. I think if you keep on the good side of your daughter she will eventually see what is happening. My advise would be to place a domestic abuse card on the side subtly - it might be something she can ring when she is on her own and chat to someone not involved about her options. I apprciate it isn't 'domestic abuse' but he might have a hold on her if they send nasty text messages. Its seen as manipulative abusive behaviour. If things come to it and she does get the horrible texts remember to keep them as they do count as evidence. Also the health visitor will be very helpful if she has problems when the baby has been born.

I hope things do work out well though. Smile

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