facebook

[Maglet422]

I was a little disturbed on reading a previous thread that many parents have the passwords to their children's facebook accounts and check them on a daily basis. This doesn't allow them any privacy at all. Would you listen in to their phone calls or read their diaries. Isn't it sufficient to simply have them as a friend and check their posts from time to time? What happened to trust?

DD has facebook and I have no chance of looking at it other than being added as a friend. Password protected and she will not give this up readily, Trouble is that they then use the chat facility. DD puts all sorts of rubbish on it, half the time it does not make any sense not to mention all the abbreviations, I hate to thing what this generation will be like when it comes to spelling and grammar in later life.

Not a fan of this site and only joined to see what she is up to.

The trouble with trust is that you need to have it in the first place, but when it has been broken it is increasingly difficult to get it back, I know. DD has broken all trust and by looking at facebook can give me an idea what she is up to, especially as she is secretive. Although as I said, they are canny teenagers and often use the chat facility which I cannot read. I suppose its about keeping them safe, not ruining their fun.

My DD(11) has a Facebook page, and was only allowed to have one if I (a)had the password and (b)she accepted that as her mother, I could look at it anytime I wanted to. I sat down and explained to her why I'd set these rules, and she understood. Not once has she complained about it.

DS1, however, is 16, and I give him the privacy he wants. Mind you, we had a bit of trouble on Facebook this week, and I'm glad to say, he was very mature about it. He not only told me, but informed his school about the situation, and within 24 hours, it's been sorted out.

As DD3 is 18 I don't have acess or a password to her Facebook account. She didn't actaully have an account until she was 16 so actually never have had access to her account. Her older sisters didn't have acess until they were 16 either, Wellit wasn't around befre Dd1 was 16 anyway.
I don't like the idea of people leting thier 11 and 12 year olds have a facebook account. The age limit is 13 so noone under that age should be on it.

My ds has had to give me his password now. If he is letting several hundred see his posts then I feel I should be checking in now and then. He would not be allowed to keep his account if he didnt as I was not to impressed with him having it in the first place and made it clear I had to check his friends lists,privacy controls ect in and out. Then when I slackened on things he ended up using bad language on there and other people were starting to gently tick him off online!(friends/family). I discovered this and made him hand the password over or it would not be allowed and now can keep a close eye on things. You dont have to be too intrusive with private messages but atleast check out their wall. They tend to forget the vast amount who can read it and yet if we have access can correct things and keep them on the straught and narrow.

By the way his phone is totally private so he has got privacy by other means, if he wishes to text private stuff ect. But I didnt appreciate him posting inappropriate language for vast amounts of people to see. And posting on your wall is far from being private if you have loads on your friends lists including some other childrens parents and family members!

For "trust" read "protection" which children certainly have a right to.

I think its a massive invasion of their privacy to have their fb pass words...I would hope you have a good enough relationship with your teen for them to tell you of any trouble they may be in etc ..anyway whats to stop them having a second account you know nothing about

Well I would expect all teenagers post stupid stuff on their fb ..thats what its for..teach them the correct privacy settings so only their friends can see their wall ...I can't believe how controlling some parents of teens are

I'm not saying don't give them guidance ,thats all we can do ..I'm saying trust them enough to learn by themselves sometimes

Try working in a high school. The number of times we have to sort out arguments that have started on FB and spilled over into real life are too many to count.

Teenagers have always argued, its nothing new really

Yes but on FB it's there permanently. We have had families getting involved and starting on each other. I don't look at my kids FB (21 & 18) I didn't want to intrude. But my eldest keeps an eye on the youngest (12).

I understand what you mean,but todays teenagers live their lives on fb all you can do is warn them of the consequences of stupid comments ,and teach them about on line security

I have a ds too ...

you dont trust teenagers maglet422, are you insane?

i dont check my kids accounts - i have them as friends so i see their status updates etc.

trust - pah, trust and teenagers is simply managing any given situation within bounderies defined by you as a parent.

Facebook causes a lot of problems.I see it in my job..it is the cause of much heart ache and bullying. Having said that my elder two have it, it's a way of keeping in touch and they are adults technically. However I have made them aware of the pitfalls, they are not allowed to post photos of any member of our family or our friends on their site without permission and they are aware it is one of the most hacked into sites on the internet, despite the pirvacy settings they set up (I watched a geeky friend of mine do it!) They are also aware that their faces might end up cut and pasted onto the body of a child on a porn site...this does happen and I have been told by the police that Facebook is one of the popular sites for getting photos to do this to. Don't ever close a facebook account either, just leave it inactive and make your kids aware that what goes on Facebook, whether it's a photo, acomment or a story, is then OWNED by Facebook, not you.