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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

OMG i read some of dds journal

14 replies

sneakymum · 07/09/2005 11:56

first off i know i shouldnt have done it but i did.i am shocked by the language in it lots of f*s in it and the worst part "my life is fucking crap i want to die".what should i do?does she mean this? she is nearly thirteen

OP posts:

colditz · 07/09/2005 12:00

What you should do is not read her diary. But seriously, my diary was full of stuff like that, but I wasn't a miserable child really.

Original poster

sneakymum · 07/09/2005 12:02

i know i shouldnt but it was making her bed and it was there.she does get moody and i know shes testing new boundaries which can cause arguments but i just want to make sure shes happy (and safe) without giving in. why is it so hard

OP posts:

mumtosomeone · 07/09/2005 12:09

my Dd is almost 13 too!! Its a difficult time for them. do you get on as a rule?
I always get 'you are tight' 'its not fair' 'you never let me'
But on the whole I try to have a laugh with her, we go shopping together when we can etc. If she wants to 'hang out' she has a set time to be in..much earlier than any of her friends but i have explained she needs to gain my trust and if she can be in on time I can lenghthen the time she is allowed out!
Her friends usually end up here!!!

Toothache · 07/09/2005 12:13

Sneakymum - I wrote loads of stuff like that in my diary! I also wrote that I wanted to be adopted, that I hated my Mum she's a bitch..... and that I wished my parents would just fuck off and kleave us the house.

Teenagers just seem to be angry at the world..... and more often than not, blame their parents!

I wouldn't worry about it, and certainly wouldn't let on that you have read this. That would be such an invasion of her privacy. My Mum read a page of mine and was so shocked that she didn't read any further (thankfully..... she missed the graphic details of me losing my V at 15!). She told me though.... and I hated her for it at the time.

vickitiredmum · 07/09/2005 12:13

As i recall i was miserable and moody and fed up most of the time when i was that age.

But i think most teenagers are insecure one way or another either about how they look or nobody likes them, nobody understands them etc etc.

When i read my diary from when i was that age (only wrote in it for a few months when i was really down) i cringe at how sad and miserable i was about such meaningless things.

I wouldnt worry about it but i wouldnt make a habit of it either! (I might not take that advice when my DD gets to that age though!) As long as she feels love and support from you im sure she'll be fine.

northerndad · 07/09/2005 12:15

Have to admit, I did this once. I'm single dad, dd left diary out accidently and I was tidying her room, she'll have been about same age. Was shocked at how she over reacted to the slightest things, language expected tho, we were all young once. Never mentioned it to her of course but it altered my approach a bit, more sensitive etc.
She starts uni in a couple of weeks.

Lizzylou · 07/09/2005 12:17

Sneakymum, don't fret about what is in the diary and don't let on that you have read it...
I agree with others on here that a diary is anexcellent way to vent and also to escape a little, your daughter is just letting off steam...she is a typical teen by the sounds of things

snafu · 07/09/2005 12:18

My diaries of that age (and for a long time after!) read like Sylvia Plath with bad PMT. It's a really crappy age in lots of ways but I'm sure it's just her way of 'getting it out' and doesn't really mean anything.

Try not to worry too much about it and never let her know that you've read them. I think it's a teenage girl's prerogative to rail at the unfairness of the world and be moody and vile

orangina · 07/09/2005 12:18

Thinking back (way, way back!) to when I was a teenager keeping endless DREARY journals full of angst (my god, they make such DULL reading now!), I don't think I ever wrote anything in them when I was feeling jolly, I was too busy just having a good time. It's those "nobody understands me" moments that were recorded in mind-numbing detail (zzzzzzzzzzzzz).... so just because you are reading all negative stuff, won't mean she feels only negative.... God, those teenage years were hell!

snafu · 07/09/2005 12:20

That's exactly right, orangina - you never bother to write diaries when you're having a good time! So diaries just get the worst of it, when you need to vent. It's natural. God, I have stacks of knuckle-gnawingly cringey teenage diaries that I can't even bear to look at...

colditz · 07/09/2005 12:28

I have a diary from when I was 15 and I read it a couple of years ago, expecting it to be filled with all the great times I was having... but no. It was full of moaning, I hate myself and my life and my parents and my exboyfriend (who didn't get a mention til he dumped me cos I was too busy snogging him!) and school and my house and my room and my body and my face.... etc etc etc....

I just don't recall feeling like that the majority of the time, and my memory is good. I recall being told off, and having completely over the top rants into my diary though.

if your daughter seems happy most of the time, I would leave it.

KBear · 07/09/2005 12:28

Don't let on you read it or there will be fireworks. Agree with everyone else - teenagers are full of woe, that's what they do.

I kept all my teenage diaries too - my mate has strict instructions to get up in the loft and burn them should I be hit by a bus! I am glad I kept them though because hopefully when DD is a teenager and says "you don't understand" I can leave one on her pillow and say "ah, but I do"! Will this work do you think or am I blissfully naive having only a six year to deal with???

Original poster

sneakymum · 07/09/2005 13:09

we do get on generally but she does try to be difficult.for instance she wants to go to the download music festival when shes 14 with a mate and we've said no.she thinks we're really unfair. i think she's jealous of her little brother because he is more easy going and younger and so doesnt make such big demands. she wont come shopping with me now either and only wants to go with friends plus her bloody ipod means that when she isnt in her room shes still out of reach with the earphones firmly plugged in

OP posts:

jules27 · 28/09/2005 12:23

I feel happier now i read some of the posts, i have a 15(nearlly 16)DD and a step daughter of 14. Our house is like a battle ground some days and other it justs works.I did find the diary left out by my DSD and did talk to her about the stuff she had written in it, she was ok about it as she had a problem and couldnt talk to us about it , i did say sorry for looking, she didnt mind that time though as she didnt know how to tell us and hoped i'd take a sneaky look. But as you say when they dont talk to you ,you worry and when its just lying there, how do you resist. I wish my DD had a diary as i really havnt a clue whats going on in her head, but thats another story..

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