When is the best time to approach daughter on puberty

[lainemumof3]

first born & jt started secondary school & a parent informed me her daughters 'visitor' called last wk. i was horrified wit the realisation that i havent spoke in great detail 2 her (as we mums think they r still babies) do i bring the subject up? wud primary school touched on basics? how much wud she know??

i am surprised that school have not already tackled this subject, i know my daughter is 12 and well prepared, has been wearing bra's for a couple of years and is having the deal with underarm hair however is not yet prepared to admit to public hair.

i wonder who is more worried about this discussion, you or your daughter? if you are not keen on talking to her, maybe she has an older sister or an aunt that could help out

I started my periods in junior school age 11 and my DM told me about them when I was 13.

Totally agree with 3plusbump

DD is now 10 and has a little bag in her school bag with sanitary towels and tampons. Partly this is in case she gets caught short and partly to get her used to the idea. At home she knows where everything is.

We have been talking since forever. Only as much as DCs need to know over the next few months.

my..my..first post it is..and how harsh sum of ur remarks r..1stly dd knows the basics,we have had few talks and she does have spare pants and pantyliner in her schoolbag just incase.my sis-in-law asked me abour dd & referred to period as 'visitor' im not a time traveller from the 50's, im 32!! i use the proper words like period & pantyliner. my mum didnt tell me a thing about it & i was so bewildered at the age of nearly 13 wit no change of clothes. i luv my dd v much & wudnt want her feeling the same.

You have completely contradicted yourself; at first you claimed that you "hadn't spoken to her in much detail" and now you are stating "1stly dd knows the basics,we have had few talks and she does have spare pants and pantyliner in her schoolbag just incase".

And please stop using text speak it is annoying.

we have spoken about periods, why i use pads, monthly cycle etc. 'much detail' as in spoken about sex or babies. she has never mentioned sex ed from her primary school (NI)and i havent signed anything so im unsure how much she knows..i just dont want to scare her

I would imagine she knows plenty about sex but it your responsibility/duty to tell her about it too. Why would you scare her? It is scarier for her for you not to tell her about it as there will always be a load of nonsense talked about in the playground.

I told my dd about periods at 9 and she started at 10. She didnt learn about them in school until she was 11 so it was too late by then!!

I don't think anyone has mentioned the idea of buying your daughter a good book that will cover many different aspects of puberty and growing up; as well as talking to her yourself. A good book will also mean that she gets accurate information if you are unsure about your own knowledge. "Girl Stuff" in the Rough Guides series is very good and my girls used it a lot from about 13, though it might be a bit too detailed for younger girls. Also you could try the online bookshop of the Family Planning Association. I agree it's important to use the right language and be very matter of fact about it otherwise your daughter will pick up the vibes that it is something to be embarrassed about. Do you have younger girls too? (Or boys for that matter.) My girls used to like to use my panty liners as stick-on bandages when they played hospitals with dollies; and it's great fun making mice out of tampons by adding eyes and ears!! An excellent way of familiarising them with all this gear that they will use so much when they get older--rather than seeing an ST for the first time when your period actually first comes, as was the case with me.

My 10 and 9 year old dds have a book they've found very helfpul. "What's happening to me", you can find it on Amazon in boy and girl versions. It goes into everything at a level suitable for this age group.

We have also had fun (them and my 6yo dd too) playing with putting a tampon into a bowl with red-coloured (food colouring) water in it and seeing how much it soaks up. And they've all studied my mooncup in detail and had a look at sanitary pads of various types.

The book is good as it tells them lots (about wearing deodorant, how you feel when it's your period, early feelings about sexual attraction) but it's definitely pre-teenage. And it's brought up the issues so they come and ask me more about some of it.

Hey, what's a mooncup...I think I get the idea but I've never heard of anyone using one/buying one, can you get them in Boots?

Here you go.
All you ever needed to know about mooncups

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1037966-To-be-completely-baffled-as-to-why-the-tampon-is

Thanks--I must check it out on Amazon. Periods are a distant memory for me now as I have had a Mirena for 10 years and now slightly menopausal. But when my girls feel a bit more comfortable dealing with it all, I will be able to tell them about this option. Can't believe I didn't know about it before but perhaps that's because periods have been off my agenda...