Is it possible to stop ds (nearly 15) having sex?

[parentofteenager]

before he is at least 16? He has a girlfriend and has come home with love bites. He has gone all the way through puberty and is hormonal.

We dont let them alone in his room when we are at home - have to have door wide open and they are usually with a bunch of other teenagers. However we are not with him 24 hours a day. I have had lots of talks with him and I've always been very open with him. I know he wont tell me if he is going to or has had sex.

I have spoken to his girlfriends mother before as I was concerned he had a girlfriend at the age of 14 which seemed quite serious and expressed my concerns at the relationship heading towards the physical and she seemed to share my concerns. SHe said she would talk to her dd and come back to me but never did.

Am I kidding myself or has anyone been succesful in this position??

I think you should talk to his gf's mum again. Have you had a good non-confrontational chat with your DS about this? Is there someone else he can talk to easily if not you? If they are both really are keen to do it then it's going to be hard to stop them.

At the moment I keep sending dd (6) into his room. (fantastic form of contraception).

Ds hates talking to me about such things now.

IME you can talk until you are blue in the face, but if they are determined, it will happen. The best thing you can do is ensure they have condoms and know how to put them on.
Also, how/where to get emergency contraception should they have an accident with the condom.
My DSS is only 13 and we have already had to go through this and more

No, unfortunately there is very little you can do that you haven't done. You just have to hope that the talking and values you have brought him up with are enough and obviously make sure he has access to contraception.

oh God, I am glad my just 12 year old still hates girls!

I don't think there is any point in trying to stop him, as marriednotdead said, if they want to they will, whether it is in your house or down the park. And personally if it was going to happen I would rather it was somewhere safe like under my roof.

That is not to say I am condoning people having sex at 14, but I really think the best thing you can do is provide non-judgemental support, condoms and make sure he knows that if he/they have a problem he can go to you and you won't completely flip your lid.

I also have 14 year old DS with a serious gf.
He was very early starting puberty and looks much older than 14. I too was a bit taken aback that my son had a proper gf at this age (she's also 14).

He has been going out with this girl 10 months and I have done exactly as you have re The Talk and bedroom door type rules. He swears they don't intend to have sex yet and thinks I'm obsessed about it. I keep repeating that it's my job as a parent to protect him, and to some extent , his gf from the risks of underage sex.

I haven't gone so far as to get condoms because I do actually believe him, but I keep stressing that hormones and emotions can over-ride good intentions.

Why do you think he won't tell you? I really can't think what more you can do.

Remember that he is a person and he is not your property. Make sure he knows about contraception, and about treating his GF (and any girl, for that matter) with kindness and courtesy and not doing anything against a girl's wishes.
But do bear in mind that sex (with mutual consent and contraception used unless TTC) is not a bad thing. Even if someone is not yet 16.

i came to the conclusion that my kids would have sex when they were ready, and it wouldn't matter what i did - they would do it, find a place to do it.

so all i can do as a parent is manage the situation. this involved ( for me) making sure they knew about contraception, making an appointment for them with the contraception nurse at the doctors ( lovely lady shows them how to put condoms on and stuff) then when i had my suspicions, taking them to family planning clinic to have a talk there - whilst there they have a talk with the girl seperatley so ensure she isnt being pressuruised into something she doesn't want to do.

now - if you have boys this is very important to tell them

if his girlfriend is under the age of 16 and he is over the age of 16 when they have sex - it is stauatory rape, and your sons can get prosecuted as a sex offender and that can close thousands of career options for him.

also - and this is very simplistic - but really hits home to a teenager, when talking about how if they have a baby, they will be skint and life will be hard ...your mouth keeps moving but they are not listening, not listening....

but if you say

when you have kids, i buy the kids presents - not you - you don't get birthday presents - your kids do, you dont get xmas presnets - your kids do....not THAT actually sinks in

All you can do is

Remind him its illegal

Tell him keep it in or keep it covered.

Send him to talk to me and I'll tell him how awful it is having a baby young with the wrong person and wasting the rest of your life

I have a 17 yo dd, she has been going out with her 18 year old boyfriend for a year now and I completely say NO under our roof to sex, she is sensible I know as she is on the Pill, they are allowed under his Mum's roof however.

Besides her 8 yr old brother is also a great form of contraception! He won't leave her alone!!